From One Soul to One World: Ascending On The Backroads

"Sometimes, one door must close before another can open"

In 2012, On The Backroads is becoming ONE WORLD ASCENSION!!! Evolution is necessary to the survival of any living thing, including the soul! I set out for expansion, balance and solvency in this up and coming year(which I talked about in my last entry) and One World Ascension will take me to those places and do it with grace!


It came to me today that a shift was taking place within my consciousness. For the past 4 years I have flown under the flag of "On The Backroads". I realized that as I have grown, my place in this existence has shifted along with my priorities. On The Backroads is not going away, it is just switching places with One World Ascension as what primarily resonates in my heart at this point in my life. On The Back Roads cradled me like a loving mother cradles her young child and encouraged a life of adventure and self discovery. One World Ascension is that young child all grown up who now cradles his elderly mother.

The external meaning of On The Backroads started out as a concept that was a play on words about my life as a traveler and later as a va(n)gabond. The depth of the concept was that I would take the back roads while traveling to see more nature and more of the "real world". The internal meaning was to show how I had started thinking outside the box and acting on it, how I started to walk the roads within and always taking the road less traveled to get there.

On The Backroads has been a primary way in which I looked at my life from late 2007 until now.

In April 2011 I gave birth to One World Ascension and allowed it to lie dormant, awaiting for a more purposeful exposure. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with it until sometime in October 2011. I have now decided to make OWA a model in which I could invite others to share their views on any issue or topic that makes their heart beat fast or their mind question insatiably. I believe that while we benefit more from remaining in flow with our hearts calling, we should not discount the intellect and the importance that thought plays in the human experience. It plays much to the same tune as the marriage between science and spirit that is so often denied by so many.

I want to go on the record of saying that On The Backroads is not dying off, it's not a "brand" that will be disappearing because it is a HUGE part of my life, in fact at this point, it's still by far the biggest. However, as with the evolution of anything I too must evolve. It is because of OTBR that OWA came to light, in more ways than one. Allow me to explain:

In 2007 I had just entered my 20's and I was caught up in a very unfulfilling and miserable life in Corporate America. Though I was always a rebel and a free spirit, I was highly asleep to all of lifes natural and precious gifts, as well as to all of the horrible darkness that also exists. As many of you know I started traveling heavy in the years to follow. 2008 saw a 4 month spiritual journey to all of the western states and National Parks. 2009 saw a journey to the entire southeast and back to the western great plains. 2010 saw numerous trips all around the Great Lakes region and then 2011 saw a year long journey that is still currently happening across the entire United States with the exception of the southeast. Since On The Backroads started in late 2007 I have traveled all of the lower 48 states, Canada and Mexico. I have stayed in countless hotels, campgrounds, strangers couches, friends hospitable accomodations and even did the "van thing" where I lived in not only one, but two different vans on two different occasions. During this time I also explored great depths within myself. I went from a rage-o-holic with massive black out depression feeling like I was stuck in a box in 2007 and beforehand to...err...well the same exact thing in 2011, but it's been the SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE and my VALUES that has been the whole damn ride!

See, it's rather simple. On The Backroads is just an older version of me, One World Ascension is the new and improved version. It's no different than Windows XP becoming Windows 7(forget about Vista) or the best selling American economy car the Ford Escort becoming the new best selling American economy car, the Ford Focus. This is largely what I set out to do at the end of 2010 with this year, I wanted to evolve.

Does the shift from OTBR to OWA mean that my life of travel is over?

Does the shift mean I'm no longer taking the back roads within myself and in life?

Does the shift suggest that the old design is no longer present? That it's no longer working?


The answer to all of the above questions is a loud and honest, NO!

Just because I am shifting my energy at this moment doesn't mean I will be giving up a life of travel. In fact, if you read my last OTBR journal entry you would see that I would like to engage in even MORE travel in the coming years. I'm by no means "settling down" for the long term or walking away from the very lifestyle that revolutioned my life and allowed OWA to even be discovered in the first place. I will ALWAYS take the back roads when navigating, I learned largely this year that sometimes I have to take the main roads. Taking the back roads isn't so much about LITERALLY taking the back roads all the time anymore, it's about the philosophy of doing what works for your soul and being outside the box in your mind. If taking the main road either when traveling or within myself works better, then I'll take it but I won't take it just because thats the "mainstream" thing to do and what culture suggests I do. The "old design" of OTBR is actually not much different than OWA in its birthing process. OWA is not a replacement of OTBR, it's simply a different flavor or different updated version.

On The Backroads was largely in part, all about me. It had to be, it was my time to discover the soul that lives inside, to use the mind I was blessed with in marriage with the heart I was given to feel something out and then decide how to go about it. During the time of OTBR I traveled the entire country, all the National Parks, all the major cities, I fell in love, I learned to have gratitude for the people I love, I let my hair down(literally), I lived my dream of living in a van, I confronted demons that were plauging me since childhood, made peace with myself on a lot of levels, learned about where I stood on many issues, I made the best friends I've ever had in my life, I've relocated from an area I was unhappy to my favorite part of the USA, the west AND I discovered myself! I did a lot of things!!! The easiest way to sum up OTBR is I found my heart, I found my passion, I found the things I loved to do the most and I was able to do a lot of them while living OTBR. Now, One World Ascension can be birthed because I went through the much needed lessons of OTBR.

One World Ascension is still about me, we are all selfish beings and have to be. It's important to learn the difference between selfless selfishness and ego-centric selfishness though, that is what makes the difference. As I write this on December 26th at 7AM as the sunrises I realize the need for what One World Ascension offers, not only to me but also to the world. On The Backroads was always something that served me and those around me on a smaller scale, OWA is an expansion of the passions that drove me to it, on a larger level!

As a spiritual being, human being and person in our collapsing society I am evolving!

One World Ascension will go where On The Backroads couldn't, OWA can do what OTBR can't BUT! Without OTBR, OWA would never have come to existence! It's a beautiful way that they have interacted with one another and how they have given life to one another. On The Backroads feels a sense of completion and happiness to see One World Ascension birth and blossom into something beautiful. OWA reflects in gratitude and wonder towards OTBR for the chance to be.

I want my Universe to expand. Along with my awareness in my mind I want my hearts consciousness to expand and GROW.

Is it not the most important intersection of life? The one where the avenue of Awareness(the mind) meets the court of Consciousness(the heart)? This intersection is aboslutely essential to the development of the human spirit and the human mind. In the abscence of one another, they create an imbalance so grand that the one which is present cannot make up for the one that is lacking prescence. This encourages us to find a way to stay on both sides of our human reality.

Some say the journey of life is all about finding our way back home, or back to self, back to Source. I like that rationalization. One World Ascension is more mature and closer to Source than On The Backroads was because it presents me in a more complete fashion, much like whatever will come after OWA will be.

In this process of evolution I will always leave the door open for On The Backroads to resurface. If it makes sense and resonates in my soul on my path, why not? My references and working of OTBR will be seen in a lot of OWA, afterall it IS OWA and it IS what I have been from between 2007 until now, the end of 2011. Both of my blogs for OWA and OTBR will remain active at this time, along with my others that are open.

OTBR will still remain at this time for more personal introspections, road trips or travels I may take and whatever else I may present. OWA is something I want to share largely with everyone and will be more direct and to the point. This is how they will both work together. Consider this a transition from DVD to Blu Ray rather than a transition from VHS to DVD or Blu Ray to digital media. Just a few tweaks!! =:)

As we head into 2012, I find myself excited and scared. The raw truth and power of my spirit remains alive to share all of my thoughts and feelings. This new era is only new because I have shifted a few key values...you will see what they are as the year ahead unfolds. I am happy you could join me.

Being "On The Backroads" is already in my blood, its a very real and alive present version of me...now I am excited to spread this to everyone else and share my inner findings with the world! After all, that is what "One World Ascension" is all about!

-Zachary Hill 2011 (C)

2012: The Year of Balance, Expansion & Solvency

"Not all who wander are lost." - J.R.R Tolkien

I set out for 2011 to be the "Year of Metamorphosis" when in reality 2011 played out more like a year of challenge that brought on the metamorphosis. I discovered many new values of how I viewed life, the world around me and myself all the while juggling energy spikes and crashes while swinging back and forth between the light and the dark.

I once had a dream to travel in a van. In 2011 I came, I conquered but I didn't quite soar. My van dream was overshadowed by other pains of the heart and soul. I also set out to "clear my karma" this year, something that I have made progress with by leaps and bounds. If any statement could be true about me this year it would be "two steps forward for every one step back". I plowed through a lot of emotional baggage, a lot of deeply seated issues that needed to be brought home to roost from childhood as well as new issues that arose this year unexpectedly. Although it was never intended, 2011 became a year of sabbatical. A year off from work, the main stream and society yet at the same time I found myself plugged into all of those facets equally as much as I had been disconnected. I suffered financially from a lack of work(both due to a dried up economy and unwillingness on my part), I benefited from social engagements in major cities and I spent time with ALL of the people I love, from family to my dearest friends. This year, in many ways was a blessing and a curse.

Overall, I would sum up 2011 as being a blessing. I moved to the mountains, deserts and oceans of the Western USA. I fell deeply in love and allowed myself to be me during that time giving me the relationship I had always dreamed of. To some degree, I lived my van-dweller dream. I cleaned up old wounds from the past, some going back 10 years and others to childhood. I yet again traveled all over the United States from "Coast 2 Coast" and border to border(and beyond!). I was able to spend time with every single person I love, some of them more than once this year..reconnecting, building and cherishing friendships that I am never ungrateful for even when I lose my gratitude for other things.

In exchange I sacrificed my entire financial solvency and reputation, I was faced with learning how to accept a deep loss of love that still disturbs me to this day and I swung in and out of dark places as the search continued.

In November, I made an attempt at financial solvency and to get back on my financial feet in what I consider to be a partially wasted trip, North Dakota. Fighting off all evils, dark depression and the cold weather(all the while living in a new van at the Walmart)I found myself facing the work of my past. I was unhappy with doing so but still managed to push forth and land two jobs, but no housing. I did not have enough money to pay for housing and barely enough to make it back to the southwest upon departure. While I learned some important lessons while in North Dakota, I learned not to take risks when it comes to finances if for no other reason than I gambled my last few dollars on something that seemed so promising, only to end up completely broke with a few hundred bucks left.

As we get ready to leave 2011 behind and head into 2012 I can't help but feel I am at another set of crossroads. I have been reflecting on what it was I learned this year along with what direction I want to head in with the coming new year. I came to discover today that the things I wanted have not really changed, now I am just better equipped to deal with some of them.

My list of goals in 2011 were simple:

Clear karma and ascend

Confront childhood issues that are weighing me down and work through them

Move West

Buy a camper van and live nomadically

Further discover my life's purpose

With the exception of buying a camper van(I settled for a conversion van)I was able to make all of those realities come to light. I moved west, bought a van, reconnected with my gift of art(particularly my gift of writing and photography), faced the childhood issues and now I sit here looking forward.

Despite the fact that I had started to feel a sense of burn out with traveling this year, I realized that the burn out has had to do more with the amount of stress and frustration I have suffered this year largely at the hands of things outside myself and some within my hands. This year while traveling I was facing the reality of becoming an adult, letting go of regret from a decision I made at the end of 2010 that ended up being something I felt I regretted the most at the time, falling in love and seeing what the future held only to have that future be abruptly cut short and completely out of my control, living mobile in a vehicle with bad gas mileage during a time with high gas prices and virtually no good paying jobs/no jobs at all like the ones I had been used to a few years ago, working through my anger/sadness issues of childhood all the while attempting to enjoy some natural scenery. I had my moments of levity in nature this year, that is for sure. However, overall I was confronted with asking myself what I really wanted.


First I listened to my heart tell me what I wanted, only to realize it hadn't really changed much in a year and then I listened to my head tell me all the reasons it can't and/or won't happen.

I am still a nomad and not only am I one but I have no desire whatsoever to stop now. I don't mind slowing the pace down and prolonging my stays in certain areas for a period of time and become intimate and familiar with them but I have no desire to climb into a mortgage or apartment lease anytime soon. My reasons are more personal than just the staggeringly bad economy nationwide. When I fell in love with travel in 2008 I told myself I'd never want to stop being a traveler, no matter if I had a wife, kids, job responsibilities, etc. Traveling is the major artery to my heart and all of it's passion, if it's clogged or severed then I feel a major disconnect from the Source in which I gain my energy for passion and my calling in this life. Travel has never been said by me to replace the idea of having a life partner, a self employed and rewarding career or even children should they come along, travel is just the lifestyle in which I choose to live my reality and this experience of life. I am an explorer, an adventurist, a material minimalist, a free spirit, I love nature, I love visiting new places as well as returning to old ones and I love the liberation and freedom that I feel within traveling. I'm the kind of person that would spend $20,000 on a $3,000 motorhome and use the rest to sustain a 2-3 year trip around the nation or internationally, rather than put a down payment on a "sticks and bricks" house.

A lot of people this year and in the past 3 years have asked me "when do you think you will burn out?" or better yet some have implied with their knowing beyond a doubt "you will eventually get tired and want to settle down". Though I certainly won't rule out the possibility of burn out or settling down, I will say that I do not see it on the horizon for 2012 or anytime in the near future. If I am a sitting duck it's more likely due to the economy or momentary obligations while I still find a way to become self sufficient in business and weaned off of the traditional 9-5, rather than settling by choice.

My love connection in which I shared this year dealt a new dynamic to the nomadic wander-love that is deep within me. I never figured I would ever have to choose between my life as a traveler and being in a relationship. I learned from dating over the past few years that a large part of what makes me who I am is my desire to travel, as the more I travel the more the meaning behind those travels deepens. This year I shared a love connection with someone who also was a traveler and that I had a huge compatibility with, in an interesting turn of events they chose a different life path(not only on the topic of travel but in general)and to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I learned through this relationship though, that no longer did I just want to have a life partner some day that I could travel, learn and love with both inside ourselves/each other and the outside world but I learned that it was something that I wouldn't be able to compromise on.

Sharing my life with someone on a level where I literally was able to be myself entirely, no reservations was liberating. Feeling a connection so strong and losing it has only created a stronger desire to yet again share such a connection in the wake of it's departure. I tended to never actively seek love and relationships of the kind as they generally found me right before I was ready to set off on a big adventure, I now seek out a connection that can outdo the one I most recently shared and though I have my doubts that anything could be outdone in this regard, I have a small portion of optimism.

The thought of traveling the world with a beautiful partner that I can grow with and possibly creating a family life anywhere in the world while doing it in such an unconventional, yet practical and "back to nature" kind of setting feels exhilarating to me. It's something that I look forward to with great amounts of excitement and child-like glee!

The thought of getting up, going to work for 8+ hours at the same job everyday, coming home to my 30+ years of debt or 1 year lease at an inflated price of money that I will never see again and asking my partner questions such as "how was work today, dear? any mail for me today?" while getting ready to pick my children up from a public indoctrination institute not only makes me sick to my stomach, but makes me depressed.

I want to take my traveling up a notch, I want to spread it to a world level in the coming year. I want to make more friends during my travels. I want to share my travels with a partner who has the same passion for a life of freedom in the same regard I do. I want to become financially solvent and be able to thrive financially to back my spiritual desires, projects and God-sent responsibilities.

2011 started out as a year of feeling like I had to start over and as I face 2012 it feels much the same. 2011 was full of trials and errors as I'm sure 2012 will be.

WHAT I LEARNED in 2011: I learned this year just how powerful my intuition is, how capable I am of letting go of things that are hurting me, I learned how to forgive others who trespassed against me and how to forgive myself, I learned the power of love be it on a twin flame level or just a soul mate level that manifests as a friendship is priceless and makes the nectar of life that much sweeter, I learned that while I've taken on a lot of darkness head on and walked in the Light I'm still finding my way to a comfortable rhythm that works for me, most importantly I learned that my dreams can come true and that love can be found in the strangest of places, I also learned that with these dreams and the life of a nomad, loss is bound to happen and needs to be accepted.

HOW 2011 WILL EFFECT 2012/DECLARATIONS for 2012: Balance. 2012 is all about balance just like 2008 and 2009 were all about self discovery, 2010 was all about discovering the outside world and 2011 was about metamorphosis. The experiences of metamorphosis that came to pass in 2011 will continue on as an underlying theme for 2012, especially as our world heads into further dark waters both economically and politically, 2012 will usher in a way for me to find balance between the things I love, desire and feel responsible to live for and finding a way to channel these passions and callings into a healthy outlet. 2012 will be a year of expansion and solvency regarding to matters of the heart, matters of the mind and matters of the wallet. It will require learning how to balance and quickly in a time of outer world chaos, in a time where the path I once walked is separating from the path I have stepped on this year. This separation is happening both in my personal world within and the external world outside.

In 2012 I feel like I am being asked by both the energies of Good and Evil to choose. 2011 showed my vow to "Responsibility, Reinvention and Rebirth" all three were fueled by walking in the Light and siding with what is Good. My path in the Light this year has tested my faith and even my desire to keep walking on the new path I am blazing. Walking in the Light may be uncertain and tough at times, I may fall to my knee's searching for the signs of Light in the darkest tunnels...but I *know* with certainty what awaits me if I turn around and go back to where I was in 2010, I can feel the dividing barrier of energy even when I contemplate the idea.

2010 showed me a life of darkness is no life at all..

2011 showed me how to work my way out of that life...


In 2012, whether or not I have to face my past yet again is unknown, though I know it will reveal itself regardless. In 2012 one thing IS for certain, I'm only going one direction:


FORWARD.


"I have loved, I have lost.

I have shared, I have learned.

I have suffered, I have triumphed.

I have given, I have taken.

I have been high, I have been low.

I have lived....and this is just the beginning." - excerpt from 2011: Year of Metamorphosis http://onthebackroads87.blogspot.com/2011/01/2011-year-of-metamorphosis.html



-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: San Jose, California 2011

When the Music Starts to Play...

"It was my hate that moved me to the mountains, but it was love that moved my mountains of hate."

As 2011 nears it's end(ALREADY?!?!)the lessons learned have started to play out like a song, some in sync, some not but all beautiful.

*2008 showed me the Light of the spiritual world, a cleaner path that pushed me far away from society. I fell in love with nature.

*2009 showed me how to follow my heart and not stagnate for too long, by doing just that. It was a year where many new friendships from 2008 grew stronger, where some in 2009 were discovered and some from the earlier part of the 2000's were reconnected. My disgust with society continued.

*2010 showed me the dark of the physical world, a path that I never wanted to set foot on again. I learned about corporate politics, the workings of our sick and neurotic species both in America and the world at large, I learned about our disrespect for Mother Earth and our disconnection from tribal ways that seemed to work much better than the white European system. I also learned what happened when I let my dark side take control.

*2011 has shown me a great deal of importance. It has taken me from my highest highs to my lowest lows. It has put in my face all of the sweetness of life and it has been there to guide me to the next day when all the sweetness becomes bitter. I learned a great deal of my value of loved ones. From falling in love to a level in which I never imagined possible, to cherishing my family whom I didn't see for 8 months, to one of the most incredible blessings I have been blessed with, my friends. What makes them friends? It's just a way to specify the blood-relation because as far as my heart and my mind are concerned, these people are family, even more so than many of my blood relatives. I had friends and loved them in years past but it was in 2011 that I learned the *blessing* of friendship and it has solidified a place in my heart.

*2012 ???? Who knows where it may lead. Some of 2011's journeys still need to be completed on this journey of evolution. Hopefully, the hype about the end of the world is true. I cannot wait to see a better world for all.

In conclusion, 2008, 2009, 2010 AND 2011 have been learning experiences, as have all years prior. But it has been since 2008 that this awakening has sped up(ironically, as per my 2012 Horoscope). I've been through just about everything a young man could ask for in the last four years(and some he didnt ask for)with the exception of having children(NOT that I'm asking for that anytime soon! Don't get any ideas, Universe!..thats a mid 30's thing..at the soonest!!! ;)) and now I ask for support in living my music. In 08, 09 and 10 I had to find that music. In 2011 I had to fix and tune the instruments to PLAY that music. Now, as we head into 2012...it's time for that music to start playing PASSIONATE AND LOUD!!!

Less imbalance leading to spikes of black out depression and rage and then Light-filled loving moments of gratitude too please! I was never a big fan of rollercoasters so maybe I'll try the kiddie rides for a bit ;)

I've worked hard within myself and on myself to get myself to this point and I'd like to say this before the music begins..


It was falling in love with nature, the mountains and the west coast that lead to a sacred feeling in my heart of simplicity and the desire to take the world back to a simpler and more complete time with some modern toys...

It was all of the hurt and betrayal I felt in my heart by the "leaders" of this world that gave me a target to vent my rage, to put on my wall and most importantly to inspire me to CARE about humanity...

But this year, during my second round in the dark night of the soul, only this time becoming an adult it was my friends that shined the brightest. It was my love of other human beings that brought more meaning to my life...

If it were just a beautiful unmarked world with no life and no beings but my own it's beauty would wear off eventually. Equally so a world filled with drone-like beings that aren't connected to nature and a world with nothing but cement cities and no trees would be just as tragic.

So, this year I have found in my rebirth the desire to do what I can to help awaken the sleeping masses, one person at a time. To bring down the cities, one building at a time. To help others find beauty to cherish nature, one photograph at a time. To encourage others to free their spirit, one road trip story at a time. To express my feelings and thoughts, one journal entry at a time. To attract enough financial wealth to become solvent and spread the wealth to those I love and those in need doing something I love, NOT one dollar at a time...but THOUSANDS of dollars at a time. ;)

As we move into 2012 another chapter closes in my life, another year with its beautiful moments and challenging dark nights. I am ready to expand again.

In December 2010 I started the "On The Back Roads" blog with a journal entry explaining my up and coming move to Big Bear, it's funny how this year that started in Big Bear is also ending there. Here is an excerpt from that entry:

"It's been a hell of an experience the past 7 years in Joliet, Illinois...as I near my final days here and transition into the new I will keep everybody updated.

Reinvention, Rebirth, Responsibility.

Welcome to my new Facebook page, more importantly...thank you for joining me as I head in this new direction, new journey and most of all this deeper, older and more refined person I am becoming. <3"

Did I accomplish the tasks I set out to achieve in 2011?

Reinvention? Check.
Rebirth? Check.
Responsibility? Check...with a little *STILL IN PROGRESS*

2 and 1/2 outta 3? I'll take it! =:)

New Direction? Check.
New Journey? BIG Check.
Deeper, Older and more Refined Person? I once was a lake, but now am an ocean. CHECK!!


I was blessed with the opportunity to see all of my loved ones this year. That's been the highlight of my year, by far(along with working through my crap). From my own home in California and the desert southwest, to the little island in the beautiful lush pacific northwest, to the rolling hills of PA in the northeast, to the flat lands that push up against the rocky mountains of Colorado, to my kin in the Bay Area and finally to the unfortunate souls still in Joliet and other parts of Illinois ;P I don't seem to have anyone in the southeast but it's all good!


I realize that 2011 has been far from perfect and that I *could have not*, I want to stress that, I COULD HAVE NOT done it without the people I love, the people who lifted me and who wrapped their arms around me by welcoming me into their living spaces and their daily lives when I hurt deeply and struggled to navigate through the darkness. It was passion and love that sent me down a dark path 10 years ago and last year. It was passion and love again that sent me down a different dark path with more dancing progress this year, a much needed path apparently. It was my love, passion and curiousity of exploring deep within the human soul, spirit and mind along with exploring the whole world outside my front door that lead me to everything. Damn, am I grateful!

I am proud of myself, I got through another year, another set of heartaches, another set of triumphs.

2012 will need a new direction, I will write about it when it comes to mind...I do know that learning to maintain balance will be on the list! No more spiking up and down.

In case Dr. Jekyll leaves the office while I'm sleeping and Mr. Hyde re-awakens tomorrow morning in full blown rage-mode. I'd like to take this time to say to all of my wonderful friends that have made this year(that is coming to an end soon, wow!)worth it! GOODNIGHT, BLESS YOU and LOVE YOU ALL! <3

"The music plays even when the instrument is cheap, when it's missing a few strings or keys or when it's out of tune. At times, the music even plays when the instrument is broken or when the musician thinks he has nothing to play. It isn't until the musician learns how to play from the heart that the music really carries itself and becomes more than just a song. After years of practice and finally finding the balance between passion and power both the musician and the instrument finally find one another for the first time, creating a powerful and passionate story of harmony. A story that inspires and resonates in the hearts of the audience, a story that can only be told when both the musician and the instrument realize that without the hardships and without one another, music would not exist, nor would their story."

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

My Gettysburg

"There is always a possibility of change."

In 1863 during the American Civil War, the battle of Gettysburg was fought in Pennsylvania and was considered the turning point of the war. It largely decided which way our young and wild country was going to go. I am having my personal "Battle of Gettysburg" within as this is being written. I feel like since I have stepped on the path of the Light so many wonderful things have happened but yet so many horrible things still occur in the world. The darkness clearly has dominated this world for far too long and now that I am being called into darkness by continuing to interact with our society as it stands, I feel lost and alone and left here a man with his last bit of faith. I am asking for a major sign or intervention from the Light seeing as to how that is the only energy I ever want to serve but I cannot do it alone.

The following writing is written as a conversation between the Light, dark and myself. The Light will be represented in bold, the dark in italic and myself in standard writing. This writing is a display of me looking for continued faith and facing not only some of my own demons but more importantly the darkness that runs deep in every bit of our society as it stands. I need a sign and we all need healing. Enjoy.



Take my hand and feel alive!
(It will never work, you've tried)

I do feel alive!

I helped you see so you can be reborn and work for the righteous side
(Now that you see, are you willing to face us?)

Rebirth has given me strength and gratitude and I am willing to face the energy I once embraced.
Within my graces lies love, compassion and spiritual growth
(Love? Compassion? We can take that away and replace it with your darkest desires)

I desire nothing more than to continue to love and help others with their spiritual growth.

Believe in the power of the Light to carry you through the darkest night
(The Darkest night has prevailed through most of your species history, the light only knows temporary victory)

The dark has a point, we have been deceived and rendered powerless in the lights temporary victory. Light, how do I help that energy shift?

We need a powerful source of energy like you to help bring Love to the places that know only fear
(The world is too big, too many are asleep and the rest don't care. Good luck with bringing love cause around every Dark corner Fear will appear)

Again, the dark has a point, most people don't care or aren't willing to accept the truth. The darkness only has power because WE allow it to! Light, what do I do??

I empower your six senses, give you the gift of nature and the capacity to love and accept the love of another
(Your five senses are all you need, you're just an animal needing to feed the beast within. Nature can turn it's back on you and destroy everything you love. Loving another allows you to be betrayed and deeply hurt, it's better to feed your lustful desires)

Disrespecting Mother Nature and all that she brings causes a resentful backlash which seems to be a dark energy. Loving another and accepting their love has only proven beneficial in a world of trust. A world of truth and a world where darkness can't get to you have to take hold in order for a greater love tale to unfold.

You have seen through the Light the potential that lies within every single one of us, why do you question our power?
(You have also seen the unwillingness of your insipid and stupid species to wake up while the rest hang on to the past and cower. Why wouldn't you question the light's power?)

Light, it is true that I have seen the potential deep within each of us. So why do we stand here seemingly unwilling to accept positive change? Why are we willing to continue to let the dark reign?

The people will have to have faith that the Light can shine on all corners of the dark
(Without us the balance is impossible, we will always lurk waiting for a chance to strike)

The dark has a point, how do we balance? I am just looking for the Light to maintain the majority of control.
We are testing your faith, your ability to hold your Light
(Join us again, we will make you a Dark Knight)

Ability to hold my Light? In a world as twisted and dark as this? I am losing my faith and the devil is telling me he will put food on my plate. What do I do? I NEED A REAL ANSWER, LIGHT! I CAN'T KEEP WAITING ON YOU!...A dark night for a Light worker, a dark night for our world...it seems like the night never passes, I haven't had to use my sunglasses in a long time.

If you go back in the dark it will be harder to leave this time
(Come back to us, you understood us, we are your only friend)

I don't want to go back! I have found the gratitudes in Life and Love! But, the offer to reign free and be set up for life as a dark knight is banging awfully loud. I only ask for an answer to all the chaos around!

The answer will come when the time is right, just keep your faith and hold your Light
(It's been centuries that we have been dominating Earth with our control, how much longer do you want to wait? Why can't the light give you a straight answer? Dark Knight is what awaits you and all we require is your soul)

My soul, the one thing that determines my allegiance. In the darkest world that we live in right now it's become impossible to always walk in the Light but I do my best the only way I know how. Light, I am asking you for a better answer, a straight plea of clarity, a new way to want to get out of bed everyday and please don't take this as a threat, but if you offer me and my fellow humans nothing substantial then becoming a dark knight is the only choice I will have left.

The choice is yours, make the right one, follow your heart
(The choice IS yours, make the right one and have whatever you want)

It's always my choice and responsibility isn't it? Then I must live with what I choose. My heart says to keep serving the Light but when will we see the only thing that resonates deep in my soul and beats within the heart of me? The only thing I want is a world where we can Love, where we can evolve beyond our ego-driven pains and become what we are in our divine spiritual love. I have been given the gift of expression and I write every day, I take pictures and sing songs, I love to challenge the status quo and walk in nature to inspire while I play. Light, if you can hear me and if you can help PLEASE send me the tools I need to share my passions while being able to thrive in this dark world by helping me attain financial wealth. Bringing me money is using darkness for good, I don't know if you've heard but if there's no hope to do what I was put here for,to spread the awakening word and if I can't support myself then it'll be the only other energetic choice, in darkness I must serve.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

Wild FREE Spirit? Go WEST, Young Man!

“It should not be denied... that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom, and the road has always led West." - Wallace Stegner


I could have not said it better myself. The most rugged, raw and fresh ideals have been discovered by those who have found themselves in the West. From California's golden beaches that graze the waters of the pacific, to Arizona's desolate and vision questing deserts, to the mysterious beauty of Utah's red rocks, it's Colorado's rock solid rocky giants that push far into the wild Montana skies that brings about an awakening. It's all the same when you lose yourself in the wilderness and spirit of the West only to find yourself for the first time deep within.

How could one define the West? By capitalizing the word itself shows an implication of it's power and gives it a sense of scope. That scope begins somewhere in South Dakota's Black Hills or at the edge of Colorado's Rockies. It takes you from New Mexico's magical high desert to the unique powers of Wyoming's Yellowstone. Oregon and Washington hold a magic deep within their moss covered greenery, a spirit of fairies and fire...but it's California that for me has seemed to have the best of all the Western states combined.

The words spoken of "Go West, young man" have been used in music, movies, books and other forms of artistic expression but it seems to not only apply to men but women as well and it appears to be the fuel of a free spirit or outside the box thinker.

On a level of intuition and spiritual guidance the West represents a place to deeply connect with one's inner voice, a place to discover one's own psychic abilities as it seems to amplify the laws of science and physics for many.

On a level of logic and intellect the West can create an environment to push people to see what is beyond the next mountain top or how to find beauty within a land that does not support the physical life force but only the spirit of a human, the desert.

In early America people arrived on the east coast in places such as Massachusetts, New York, Virginia and South Carolina. There was a time when eastern Kentucky's "Cumberland Gap" was considered the wild west. But it was the most rugged adventurists that forged the Oregon Trail from Missouri to Oregon or those that chose to look for gold in the mountains of Colorado and California. There is something in the spirit of adventure that the east and mid west both lack, a sense of originality and freedom would appear to be more stifled in many regions back east.

While I do enjoy certain areas in the east such as Pennsylvania, Michigan, North Carolina and Virginia none of them seem to hold the power of the states that stand west of the rocky mountains. For me, there is nothing better than driving across the great plains and deep into the mountains. I have done this on numerous occasions and have done so via South Dakota's black hills, Colorado's rocky mountains and New Mexico's high desert/Cimmaron Canyon.

The power that rushes within is indescribable as the straight line roads begin to twist and turn and the landscape starts to elevate almost as if you were ascending beyond just the physical realm. You can cross many miles of wide open spaces and all types of terrains before arriving on the golden coast of California, Oregon or Washington.

Back east there is a hustle and bustle, a repressive feeling in places like Washington DC, New York City, Chicago and Florida. A hurried, frantic and materialistic lifestyle. A sense of people lacking awakening to the adventures that are yet to be had in the wild west.

When I return to the west from back east I always feel a sense of adventure and gratitude, to know that I'm returning home to "God's country", to a place where people treat one another with an overall better sense of humanity, a place that speaks boldly, a place that doesn't have a disconnected negative attitude and a place where anything is possible.

When the people back east, who tend to be smaller minded and more negative tell the people in the West something can't be done or something isn't possible the people of the West say "Watch me!!". It's that very attitude from both parties that have paved the path they now walk. East represents complacency, a sense of settling for what was first discovered or what was first offered up to one's consciousness. West represents adventure, freedom, personal inner spiritual ascension, defying the odds of what people said couldn't be done and DOING IT(even in times much less technologically advanced than now), plus the scenery is far superior!

A friend of mine who is a native of Washington state once said to me while visiting her "We are the descendants of rugged pioneers, people who ventured as far West as they could go". This friend, who lives on San Juan Island which is about as far West as you can go in this country also said to me in response to me telling her everyone kept telling me to "Go West, young man" over the years; "Now that you've come about as far West as you can..go within, young man." and it's that very attitude from a native Westerner that speaks volume about what "Going West" or the magic of the West itself represents.

Many of my friends over the years have grown up in the east or mid west and have found home in places such as Colorado, Arizona and Washington. I love all of the West but it really comes down to California for me, it's the only place I have ever felt at home and without growing up in the east I would have never had the blessing of contrast to know just what I was missing but now that I'm here, I don't ever want to leave.

If you live in the east and are in search of answers that lie within, come visit any one of the wonderful western states and watch it change your life forever.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

When Love Came Knocking

When I couldn't forgive those who trespassed against me it was love that knocked on my door.

When I yet again couldn't forgive those who trespassed against me it was once again love that knocked on my door.

When I turned my back on love out of pain and a lack of faith in it's power, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I was full of hate towards the human mistakes made by children in a grown person's body because I couldn't perceive and have understanding for them, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I thought I knew it all and that things could never expand within my soul or get better, I was blind and could not see, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I had no compassion for the world around me whatsoever and my first response was to resort to violence and negative aggression, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I turned to the darkness for answers to free me from my shame and pain only to find more shame and pain within it's cold and colorless tunnels, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I cursed science and spirituality, when I said it was all non-sense and life was nothing but pain, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I was at my lowest point as a young teen and was putting the rope over the beam in the attic planning my exit, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I once spoke the words to a loved one "I cannot let go of the darkness, without it I feel lost and alone.", it was love that knocked on my door.

When I took part in the most shameful act of my life and could not forgive myself, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I fell in love right after coming out of a dark patch and opened myself up without restraint for the first time and trusted another person for the first time and was crushed by their decision to feed their fear, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I was guided to some of the best Lightworkers and teachers that I cherish more than words can ever say, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I chose to see my father after 9 years of resentment, anger and hatred for his foolish decisions when I was a child only to see he was still a child and he was the one who really missed out, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I was able to have compassion for my love when she exited my life abruptly and I struggled with feelings of betrayal and was able to see the little girl crying in a dark room that was her inside, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I was able to look at myself in the mirror for the first time absolved of guilt, shame, self loathing and able to recognize my personal power and where it comes from, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I decided to write this poem realizing that fear has never once lead me to a feeling of satisfaction and that living in misery only brings more misery, it was love that knocked on my door.

When I finally decided to open the door to see who had been knocking the whole time I was preoccupied with my own ego driven attachments to even notice the knocking, I found love standing there and it asked me one simple question I will never forget...





"What the fuck took you so long???"

And that's how love entered my temple. =:)

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

Selling Our Souls: Divided & Conquered

What does it mean to sell your soul? How could one define the actions of giving your soul over to an energy you oppose?

I believe it's quite simple and yet we make it so complicated. I believe we complicate it to make excuses for our fears that we do not want to admit we have nor that we want to address.

Most everybody is afraid of the powers that be. The government, the corporations, the media, "Hollywood", the "societal norms". We are afraid to step "out of line" from what is perceived to be normal and within this lies the problem.

We are here as a creation of Source, our possibilities are endless and the sooner we embrace that the better off we will be. I hear quite often "Zac, you have a choice in this world, you can do anything." and while I know that is true in my heart about our creation of being human beings, I also know it is not realistic within the realm of the current world under the reign of evil.

Regardless of what new age people and fearmongerers alike(aren't they one in the same?)would like you to believe there is a great evil upon us but it's not to be met with fear yet meet it with as much love and compassion as you can. When diplomacy and resistance do not work then action needs to be taken but in order for action to be taken the humans of this planet have to be educated and awakened to what is going on and then when they are awakened they have to be willing to do something. So what keeps us from dethroning the illuminati and other evil in this world? What keeps most people in place?

Fear and Ignorance.

Those who are scared will not rise to the occasion and those who are not educated or are so brainwashed into believing that evil is not going on behind the scenes or that evil is whatever the truly evil tell people it is cannot see the forest through the tree's and act as such.

America has a major problem right now within itself. Most of us want to keep our eyes shut to what is going on within the world and for those of us that are awake we still want to keep our eyes closed thinking that good will wash away evil and that protesting within the guidelines of the system will be effective.

Good has never come and washed away evil on a global level regardless what fictional religious text may have claimed it to do so. However, history has proven that empires fall and that the only thing that has a chance at changing things is dealing harsh blows to the enemy. The best thing we can do is stop buying into what they offer us. Stop paying your taxes, stop buying their products, stop believing anything they tell you, incarcerate them for the crimes they have commited. These are great ideas but when a popluation has allowed the system to go into such a state beyond repair, something drastic needs to happen.

A radical change in life is truly the only change that is lasting and effective. When someone makes a small change the results are small. What you give out, you get back in regards to these type of dealings.

A lot of human beings cannot keep up with what is going on in the world and are unwilling to handle the shock of radical change. Those less evolved hold back the collective from moving into a world beyond boundaries.

The only laws we should be respecting are the "laws of the jungle" or in better terms not used by George H.W. Bush, the law of the Universe.

People suggest to me that sometimes you have to walk the line or bend your rules to make a difference and while I don't agree with that on an ineffective level(like going to college for paperwork when you are born with your calling and gifts or making excuses for the behavior of the evil people and choosing to stay asleep), I do believe bending the rules and walking the line works for major things of importance, such as the theory of "violence in all hands, embrace it if need be".

When you choose to play in a corrupt system that is run by dark energies you make a contract with the dark energies and you serve them, whether or not you want to make excuses or not believe that it is as simple as that. Dark compromises cannot be any other color. Shit cannot be called sugar.

So, if it's acceptable to detour in the dark constantly and bring light to the dark compromises for meaningless societal based shit within the current system, then it is just as acceptable to use the same dark energies to move the world and human species forward in evolution and not only is it "just as acceptable" it's more so and quite possibly the only level of acceptance.

Dark is dark, light is light and there are no levels of servitude. If taking the life of a person for reasons beyond self defense or self preservation is considered the darkest of behaviors then how do you compare it to sitting by idly for decades and even centuries while the evil people manipulate and deceive, stripping people of their very life essence and ability to see beyond the box? How can you justify logically, intuitively or rationally that acting in violence is a "bad thing" if it can bring about change?

Now, new age people and certain lightworkers would suggest that you cannot bring light with darkness, this is also incorrect. We as human beings weave in and out of the light into darkness and back into the light throughout our lives, there are things we would not learn without doing so. You CANNOT have one without the other, it's a system of balance and it's a Universal system, not a system created by man's ego. You can bring a positive change by using dark actions which I will give examples but first you must understand my "rabid dog theory".

A rabid dog running in the street is beyond healing, is beyond repair and is beyond help to return to it's path. We "put down"(which is a nice way of softening the word "kill")a rabid animal such as a dog if we judge it to be beyond repair and we also incarcerate human beings for a lifetime if we believe them to be beyond repair. Many of these human beings are simply victims of addiction created by the madness of this world and when they are caught for the third time, they are put away for life, this is called the "3rd strike rule" within our man-made system.

If a human being molests a child or murders someone "in cold blood" I do believe they may be able to heal on individual basis' and if our society embraced and wished to assist people with sicknesses such as the desire to murder, rape or molest then we may be able to bring Light to these people before they commit such terrible acts. Instead, we shun them, we shun everything that doesn't fit in the box that the evil people running and creating everything on a major scale say we should shun, we don't have understanding for one another or ourselves and we lack compassion.

If a child molestor or rapist decides to rape a child and brutally torture that child, would you not feel gratitude if someone(be it a police officer or someone else)were to come upon that situation and attempt to interfere and help that child? While in an ideal world I would like to see healing and help for both parties involved, in a spur moment decision I would have to embrace the third party and their decision to interfere on behalf of that young soul BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! If it was your child being raped and soul stripped, would you not want whatever needed to be done to stop the offender? I would.

I would rather see healing for the offender and I would rather see the offender turn the other cheek and bring light into what they have done and face the music of the karma they have brought into their life but if they were unwilling to release this child from their grip, if they were unwilling to stop harming this then innocent soul, I would embrace whatever tactics needed to stop them, including violence.

Using the example of the child molestor and victimized child I will relate to all of you why I rage and how I feel towards the issue of the world and it is much larger than one offender and one victimized child, it's so much larger.

This planet, it's inhabitants from the human species to the animal kingdom to mother nature and every form of life inbetween play a purpose. I look at this planet and it's inhabitants as my teacher, as a place that should be given reverence, respect and gratitude. This planet, it's beings and truths ARE MY CHILD! Reverence for the parts of nature we destroy, the animals we use for food and clothing and the people that may have to suffer during unfortunate circumstances for survival, it's a very basic Native American-like philosophy of not owning the land, giving thanks to everything that gives its life for us, the essence of life that is consumed so we human beings can thrive, which is greatly error in doing at this current moment, though we are built to thrive.

When career politicians, corporate CEO's from all controlled industries, "dark shadow players"(people whose faces we don't see behind the scenes), Free Masonic Satanic cult whorshippers and all other faces of evil unify together and pull the veil over the face of the rest of the world, the rest of my fellow human species, when they have disrespect for animals through factory farming and using them for useless things such as fur coats. When they rape, pillage and plunder Mother Earth carelessly for their greed driven power profits such as oil, wood, water among other natural resources. When they denounce natural medicines and allow people to die, when they dope up people on "medicine" prescribed by their legal system to help and they make other natural remedies that cure illegal(such as Niacin injections for cancer patients and Stevia being used instead of sugar), when they sell us an idea of what we should be doing and put us in a box, when they send us to one another countries to kill each other for their entertainment and attempt to control commodities amongst themselves and exterminate the poverty population, when they brainwash scared child-like souls with control and often revenge driven issues into "serving their country" or "serving and protecting their community" and use them as disposable weapons against the rest of the poor population, when they harm everything that I love, when they rape every bit of what makes us unique as a species, when they snicker and sneer at the waste they create of animal life and nature life, when they lie to us and beat us down when we step out of line through millions of daily control tactics in every country across this globe, when they seperate the unification of people with imaginary lines, insipid ego driven songs, flags and a meaningless mantras that represent the latest fad or phase of a thing we call a "country", when they divide us amongst our sexual desires, our skin colors, our physical body shape, our reproductive parts given to us by a creator that they too came from, when they denounce doing what is good and having gratitude, reverence and compassion for the sacrifices of others be they human, animal or Mother Earth, when they do all this and more...when they do it...

...when they do it simply because they want to control, destroy, harm, manipulate and tear us from our true potentials as a species, as a living planet, as a one world community unified, there is no other way to put it than their behavior being downright evil, no way around it. If the things listed above are not the greatest crime ever commited, the biggest deception ever birthed, the greatest lie of all time, the true face of evil...then we are all existing in a world without purpose, which I refuse to believe and why? Because WE CAN FEEL. Some of us deeper than others.

When they take everything we have, all of our possibilities away and do not want to relinquish power the Light has to be brought in and just like the intervention used against the child molestor to save the already traumatized child, sometimes the same energy they use has to be enforced to shift the tide. The idea of us not revolting by any means we can is a fear tactic they instilled in us through morality.

Morality is an illusion. It is a creation of the illuminati to benefit their personal gain. They use it to keep us feeling guilty and in check. Our intuition is the only true compass and that compass seem's to guide with wherever we are looking to go.

If we are unaware I believe our inner compass guides us towards the Light and making positive choices that lift the vibration of our own existence and the world around us but once we are awakened to the powers of Light and dark we can make choices and things become complex. We are not perfect and it is unfortunate when people of integrity that follow their heart into the Light are forced to resort to acts of darkness or cruelty but it does happen to millions worldwide on a day to day basis.

So my point is, if we embrace dark choices for our benefit or the benefit of others at times, if we use that energy to balance our Light in order to "play the system" and learn how to work within it. Then why don't we do what it takes to move towards a truly better tomorrow. A tomorrow that no other has brought before us, a tomorrow that the baby boomers did not bring in the 60s and 70s, a tomorrow that every third world country has been unable to bring to itself, a tomorrow of self governance, a tomorrow that embraces both the Light and dark aspects of people, that brings awareness to the powers of both sides and lets people choose which to embrace, a tomorrow that knows the truth...

A truly awakened and enlightened person cannot embrace the darkness as their path, only one with Light in their heart knows the true meaning of being awakened and enlightened. They also know that we sometimes have to reroute for better things to come, we have to use that darkness for good, we have to stop evil in it's tracks and we have to learn to allow the flow to come to us. We talk about "letting go and letting God" but WE ARE GOD. We are the very Source of power that guides us, we are connected into all of that, we are not alone and each of us can use it for betterment of oneself, others and this planet/galaxy, even the illuminati that carries the darkness has a choice, but they may be beyond repair.

I know why I was put here, to explore. I am an explorer that has been blessed with a gift of incredible power of perception, knowledge, the ability to "sponge" all that is around me and process it and I have been given the incredible gift of expression through photography, music, being a visionary and idealist but most of all I was given the gift to write about what I experienced while on this planet in this incarnation of "Zac" with all six senses. We all have our gifts, each and every one of us and the sooner we get past every lie they tell us, as soon as we get past feeling that we can never step outside the lines, as soon as we accept that dark can be used for light(and in an actual manner that is effective)then we can know ourselves for what we truly are for the first time, we can know this world and the essence of our existence as we never have known it before...we can truly LIVE and PROSPER and we can then guide our incredibly lost "world leaders" to the same Light we have discovered and be their example.

"What is a bad man but a good man's job? What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?"

I want to be understood and usually never feel understood because I find myself evolved beyond the "veil of illusion" and it's largely because I chose to ask the questions. But I want to state flat out that even in all my rage, anger and resentment I do not endorse violence as a first resort and if anything, the idealist in me wishes it never has to happen and wishes that it never did happen in the past no matter how far back you go but I also observed history and learned that there are desperate times and measures that come up in life and that we have sat by idly for so long that now is the time to act while momentum is here.

I pray, hope and wish this revolution will happen and that it will be peaceful and non-violent but I do not believe that it will happen on the level it needs to nor do I believe it will be non-violent. We've done this before and it's not a matter of IF we will do it again..because we already are.

This is what happens when someone discovers their Light, value, true power and integrity, it's all of the emotions of spirit I express.

What we see in the world is what happens when those who hold the Light or those who are lost like cattle in between are guided by deceptive and manipulative evil every moment of every day.

Good intentions, holding our Light and praying to ourselves is not enough, we need to own our power! Intention is only half the battle, action is the other half and we are the force of creation we call God. It may only take one voice or one individual to birth an idea from the Source but it takes a mass majority to enact and enforce it successfully. Quit thinking the power is too big to change because it isn't. I will say that making them hear us is not enough because they have already factored in the actions we are taking. They have factored in that we will probably revolt but they haven't factored in that we may be able to have a mass awakening, what would they do if the majority of us said "no more". There wouldn't have to be much bloodshed if any and if there was it'd only be of those who will not give up the flame. Let them be the ones to die for what they believe in instead of all of us if it has to come to that. We are bigger than they allow us to be.

Don't you want to see this in your lifetime? Don't you want this for your children and the generations to come?

The evil dark energies and people have found a way to divide us from everything that we truly are therefore they have conquered us.

This is what causes us to sell our souls and it doesn't have to be this way but many factors keep us in the dark so as long as fear and ignorance reign, we will never know peace in this world, to our fullest extent within ourselves and we will always have to compromise which is just another way of saying...

Selling our souls. We have been divided and we have been conquered, now let's do whatever it takes to change it!

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)



Written: Quartzsite, Arizona 2011

A Child No More

And as I rode through the Lake Mead desert into the amber sunset sky, twisting and turning down the winding roads with only a few hundred bucks left in my pocket, listening to soulful tunes on the radio I was hit with the biggest revelation since this years adventure began...and it spoke to my heart and said "you are a child no more", that is how the right of passage came to be. - Zachary Hill

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)

Written: Lake Mead, Nevada 2011

An Awakening: The Valley of Fire

"THE VALLEY of FIRE" by Zachary Hill

The sound of silence, an oxymoron. The valley of fire speaks to me, it burns like the passion in my heart and soul. The wind is still and then it blows, it speaks to me letting me know I'm not alone. I have wandered through the cities noise to find myself returning back to where I started. A place where the fire burns on the valley floor, a place that my soul can breathe once more, with tears in my eyes I stare into the sun, I have overcome darkness after a long tour and learned to walk in the light. God spoke to me today in this fiery valley letting me know everything is alright. The floor of this place represents my charkas from root to the crown, it's rock solid formations are the body in which this valley lies. A place where the fire inside meets the sky.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)

Written: Quartzsite, Arizona 2011

When All The Colors Bleed Into One

I took the road less traveled in search of what wasn't to be found on the main roads of life, only to learn that it was the main roads that lead me to the one less traveled.

I learned that all the roads of life are interconnected to bring me to the place that I now stand.

I have traveled millions of miles across the great plains through the burning deserts to the snowy mountain lands.

Every face I have seen, every soul I have felt, every city I have walked, every nature trail I have blazed and every place I have left my mark have all lead me to this.

A sensation of burning fire runs through my fingertips pressing hard into the keys with purpose like a passionate kiss as I sit in bed tonight to write this.

Uninhibited and without censorship I find my fingers unable to keep up with my souls poetic drift.

It was the back roads that lead me to the Light but it was seeing myself in the chaos of the main roads that cradled me during my darkest night.

It's easy to give up when you're afraid to stand up and fight. Maybe it's because we know that with any great love we risk losing our sight.

A sight that never is really lost but only relocated, put off for another time to test us and see if we become jaded.

It's as if my whole life is flashing in front of my eyes on this crisp evening spent in my favorite place in the world.

It's as if this "High Desert" is all for me, my love of the scarcity of life yet the altered state of beauty that is found in the lack of greenery, it feels so damn good!

Pain and heartache is what has driven me to run and suppress my own existence and deny my own passions.

Limbo is the dance done by those who don't fully understand that pain and loss create the opportunity for unconditional love and beauty.

Without all of the hell I would have never known heaven.

The scars on my soul shine brighter when I finally came to know, that it's the challenges of life that drove me to go on the back roads and it was on the back roads where I learned that it was actually the main roads that taught me everything I needed to know.

Ya see, I believe in the Kingdom Come and this is what happens when all of the colors bleed into one. I'm no longer running.

It was You who broke the bonds and loosed the chains and it was I who carried the cross of my shame.

I am no longer lost, I found what I'm looking for and it was right here within me all along.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

Amazing Grace

"..I once was lost but now am found..."

As I sit on this couch I yet again have a revelation. I once believed that 2011 was just going to be a year for me to clear my karma, ascend from darkness and manage myself the best I can through the ups and downs. In many ways it has been all of that but what all of that has lead to is the concept of owning my personal power and wearing the skin I was put here to wear. Today during the exorcism a fellow lightworker sang "Amazing Grace" and when he reached the line in the song "I once was lost but now I'm found" my intuitive clairaudience received the words "Step Up". Tonight I was sitting on the couch and having a Facebook chat with a friend who said the following to me when expressing my gratitude for the opportunities of spiritual ascension I acquired while spending time with them earlier this year.

"the blessing has truly gone both ways! Thanks! You are so insightful!"

As I read that line my intuitive clairsentience received the following message from Source..

"You sought the path and followed it. You received the guidance, much of which came through others who helped you embrace and see your own personal power. What is most important though Zac, is that those who lifted you were able to see your gifts during your darkest hour when you once were lost but you are now found, where you once couldn't see your own potential, you now view yourself through eyes that shine from the Light. Own Your Power.....Own Your Power."

The first thing that came to my logical mind when I received this insight was my friend Angela telling me this spring how she could see me speaking to people and having a prescence of power to effect the lives of many with positive energy and change while I was at what seemed to be the peak of my darkest hour.

The next thing that came to me was the confidence I had in myself to live the life I had imagined when I moved out to California this past winter. It struck me that a large part of the attraction Sara and I had to one another was based on personal power. I projected confidence and Light intentions which she was drawn to. I was drawn to her for the same reasons every one of my loved ones were drawn to me and believed in me. I saw the best in her while she was in her darkest hour and to finally recognize that brings a sense of maturity, gratitude and peace.

Lastly, the words of all of those who have loved me when I wasn't able to love myself have lifted me so high. Every single person that has spoken kind words to me over the years, but most of all this year I have always been grateful for what they have had to say but it has taken a long battle within myself and with my ego to be able to accept those loving words without feeling guilty to be the wonderful, powerful and creative rebel I am! I would love to list each person who has helped lift me this year and in years past and each person who has recognized my Light within the darkness I was at one point stuck in but all of those people know who they are and if you are reading this and you aren't sure if that means you, chances are it does. Some of you are still in my life, others are not but I have gratitude and love for every single person I have been assisted with from those who have shown nothing but love to those who have been patient with me to those who have hurt me and blessed me with the opportunity to learn about forgiveness, the only remedy to a wounded loving heart.

My horoscope told me that somewhere around November 2011 I would be "feeling the love" and as we get closer to November, I have to admit that I am feeling it. It's become more of a knowing than a feeling. The thing I found the most amazing in all of these revelations I had today was that even in my darkest moment I was much stronger than I ever would have thought. I had to make a choice which means I had to own the responsibility of anything that came my way this year when I made the choice to attack my demons head on and face them which was the hardest decision and sticking out the course of it was even harder.

In 2011 I set out for a new adventure and for the last time "went West young man".

In 2011 I learned what it was like to deal with guilt over the most shameful act I had ever found myself involved with.

In 2011 I learned to be okay with asking for help not only from the Creator but also from other human beings.

In 2011 I learned to allow myself to have unrestrained intimacy incorporated with blunt honesty in a relationship where I finally allowed myself to fall fully in love with no reservations.

In 2011 I learned how to work through the feelings of loss and heartbreak with a lover on a level deeper than ever because of the chance I took with not restraining myself as I had done so with the other relationships in the past.

In 2011 I learned to forgive. I learned how to forgive a lover that let go of a divine connection with so many signs of it's divinity attached to it. I learned to do my best to not stay resentful, disgusted or judgemental towards them...of course I was all three but in the end, letting go was what brought me peace. I learned to forgive my father for the way he conducted himself much of the time when I was a child but also found gratitude in the things he did do with integrity. I learned how to forgive myself for the shameful things I had done, for the expectations I had put on other people along with the judgements of their decisions and most of all I learned how to forgive myself for being human.

In 2011 I learned how to love. I fell in love, I learned who my true soul family members are and how to love them for who they are, I learned to love myself..flaws and all!

In 2011 I learned that the Light overcomes darkness but only when the Light is allowed to come in and the desire to retain the darkness is let go.

Most importantly in 2011, I learned...



Love & Gratitude. <3

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

Conversation With a Police Officer: Compassion & Reverence

Below is a few excerpts from an email exchange between me and a police officer in Will County, Illinois who at one time was my partner, a person with a hell of a lot of integrity and heart. Someone I learned a lot from but someone I feared was misguided by the system. The emails exchanged contained more than just the following but this is specific to the 99% movement going on across the world so I took out the parts that were important. I have re-read the emails and there are typos that will not be corrected, this is verbatim.

After putting together these pieces of the email I once again was able to soften my resentment and disgust with the police. While this does not excuse the behavior of the police in New York City, Phoenix or anywhere else that they have used their position of power to abuse the freedoms, ideals and bodies of the public it certainly has hit a bit of a reset button on my compassion for them and reminded me that they are people too and may need more guidance, love and light than any other person during this time of great change in our world. They are the next people whose hearts we have to light up before we can get to the military or to the 1% that need the most love of all. The Universe softened me in San Francisco yesterday as I marched side by side with the police who were there to contain us on the right side of the street, for some of them I felt their fear, for others I felt their ego and unwillingness to allow the higher self to come through. Today I received an email from a loved one which I no longer speak with on a regular basis(she must have been the "returning old friend or loved one" from the 2 tarot cards and fortune cookie the other day)and through our exchange, my compassion expanded. I am thankful to her and to the Universe for assisting me in expanding the things I am asking for assistance with.

Here is the exchange...



Her: Your profile picture interested me. I see you next to a marine protesting. I'm glad you are getting out there! I can't read the signs though... the picture is too small. what/where was the protest? how did it turn out. how did you feel doing it and after?






Me: I am not sure if you have heard of the "Occupy Together" movement yet or the 99%(though I have a feeling being pretty socially conscious and a police officer you have, I've seen Joliet has had Occupy Joliet protests)but that is what the protest was. October 15th 2011 was a worldwide day titled "O15 Occupy The World" where people protested in over 1,000 cities on every continent(cept Antarctica)and in over 85 countries. The movement started on Wall St in NYC on Sept 17th and is an ongoing protest that has spread worldwide and will not stop until things change or the system collapses. The 99% movement is great because it's a blend of all types of people, hence the picture of me with the marine veteran. I personally like to thank soldiers who wear their uniforms to the protests(especially in NYC, where the NYPD has been brutally assaulting protestors)because we need the regimented police and military types to wake up and realize they are part of us and not the 1%(unless they choose to be). Basically, everything I have wanted to see come to life over the past few years is starting to. Soldiers from all of the branches assembled in NYC on Wall St in uniform and gathered together when the NYPD were pepper spraying peaceful protestors saying "let's see the police pepper spray a military veteran, that would be a good thing for the public to see on the news" people are fed up, the police are just afraid but the more we greet them with love and gratitude it will assist them in waking up and that's the way we can show them they are part of the 99%. Another good example was in Phoenix where 100 riot officers surrounded 40 peaceful protestors and started pepper spraying them and the protestors just chanted "we love you" as they were being pepper sprayed, it's all coming to a head. The marines sign says "The 99% is waking up and we are taking our country BACK!" also says "End the Fed" and "Welcome to the Revolution". My sign is a quote from Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" essay. I decided to align myself with the protest march in San Francisco for the O15 Occupy the World event because here in San Jose the movement was smaller. San Francisco's federal reserve bank is the biggest on the west coast and is in charge of the money for California and about 10 other states plus Guam, American Samoa and the Mariana Islands. We marched on the SF federal reserve then to city hall and marched on city hall, then back to the camp where people are sleeping and able to eat donated food, etc. The SF police were overall very civil with us for this particular march(with a few asshole officers, of course. I watched one try to run over 2 guys from Italy on their motorcycle)and the protestors were peaceful and I don't believe any arrests were made yesterday both just or unjust so that's good. We marched on Well's Fargo headquarters, Chase, Bank of America and US Bank too on the way back to camp. Thousands of people, I may be on the OccupySF website front page or videos cause I was right next to the people who were giving speeches on the megaphones on the steps of city hall(so if you see a dude in an orange bandana then you know who it is). The 99% movement is a very liberal movement but not a Democrat or leftist movement. It's liberal in the definition of the world seperate from the political ties just people who are simply tired of the status quo(though the Tea Party and right wing media has tried to label us as liberal, welfare loving hippies)I first hand have seen people of all ages, political and religious views out there saying "fuck you" to Wall St, the banks and telling the US gov(or gov's of the other countries) "if you won't fix the problem, we will." I say, come what may.


Her:
That movement sounds awesome! I'm going to have to look into it. I've actually had some interesting conversation with a few people I work with about this. Most of them believe that there will be some kind of civil war coming because they can feel the changes going on. Surprisingly, there have been some who are enlightened enough like me that they feel conflicted about their roll in all of this should some upheaval occur. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you are doing something meaningful and you are making a difference like you always wanted.





Me: I too believe there may be a civil war between the classes based on wealth. That's why I believe it's important to help the police and military that aren't able to see through the BS they were sold on so they can embrace their authentic self and the side they are really on. I'd like to see the 1% and 99% unite but weve been shown time and time again that those in power will not relinquish it without it being taken. I think this grassroots movement is starting in a very healthy way but I think as time goes on tolerance for police brutality and government lies will be less and less tolerated, I'm hoping the protestors don't get violent(even though the police clearly have) but as I said before, come what may and whatever needs to happen will happen. Can't have vegetables to feed people or animals and sustain life without water. Can't have sunshine with the rain so to speak.

You wanting to be a cop has presented an interesting dynamic to my personal growth, I always pictured us being able to unite somehow in a protest but I always knew it may be hard decision to make for a police officer with integrity to be a go between for the movement and the police line while in uniform. I think ultimately the police will have to decide if they want to continue to serving the evil powers or join the side they are actually part of, it's an interesting fragmentation for sure. I think many police officers just believe that we as a species cannot self govern, I believe we can and though I think that's a bit down the pipe of evolution for now, I do see it happening, we have after all come this far and there is a huge spiritual awakening taking place behind all of this. I think the cops who want to march around and abuse their power driven by their ego will take the protests personally and end up aligning with the "bad guys" in the long run and police/military who are good hearted, maybe scared just like the rest of us and want to serve the public, cops such as yourself will eventually align against Wall St, the corrupt governments and the major corporations. How it will all play out? That's beyond me and until the intuition comes through to our collective human consciousness we will just have to wait.

Everytime I think of you in regards to this protest I always think of the question I asked after we watched "Battle in Seattle". "What will you do when it comes down to the people vs those in power and the police are asked to stand in the way on behalf of those in power?"

I'm not worried that you'll act out of integrity, I don't see you being able to act the way a lot of the NYPD have but I also know of good cops out there other than yourself. I was in NYC on September 11th and the NYPD were very kind to me whenever I needed directions(except one guy), overly polite in fact. I don't know if we were softened by the anniversary but New Yorkers were friendly over all, much different than what I've seen in the protests on Wall St.

I am also happy to hear that some of your co-workers are finding themselves torn should this turn into a civil war style revolution, because the police officers that feel scared of the changes and to go after the corporate government will ultimately choose to do what is right and not exactly what is the law. I don't think there is a good hearted cop in the world right now that isn't conflicted about the revolution that has started. I am flattered by the support of so many different types of people. I have marched with gays, people of all races, young, old, foreigners, anarchists, democrats, republicans, Christians, Muslims, buddhists, businessmen in suits, soldiers, pot smoking hippies, grandmothers, baby boomers, Generation X, Y and Z, lawyers, firemen, city workers(bus drivers and train operators), homeless people and possibly cops(haven't met any personally yet). I cannot wait to see when we have police AND military marching with us IN uniform. I said the following about the protest before I went...


"Those who protested beside Martin Luther King Jr, the Vietnam war, Kent State, Battle in Seattle, all of the cities that protested the Bush war in 2003 and anybody else who ever stood up for what's right October 15th 2011 is YOUR day, it's OUR day, the day for the 99% to march against evil in over 85 countries and over 1000 cities. Today we won't hear the chants of "the whole world is watching" instead, the whole world is PROTESTING!!! I'm off to San Francisco, the road I must travel it's end I cannot see."

That is what is great about this movement, the evil powers that have been doing people wrong for so long have finally fed up and Americans have finally gotten off their asses and made an effective protest that has spread like a wildfire to the rest of the world. Those who look at us as able to lead the globe have felt a sense of being able to do so since America finally stood up. I guess something we as people could learn on a personal, spiritual and social/economical level is to not wait until we are miserable or completely fucked to do something. All of the other protests in the US and the world over the past 40 years have been based on one issue or another, this is a spiritual awakening and revolution for everyone covering everything. The only thing that concerns me is that we may stop because nobody wants this to get violent but truthfully I don't think the 1% are going to give up their charade without some extreme form of civil disobedience. Everything in it's time and I say let them bring it to us and right now with the police brutality that is spreading due to city officials growing impatient with the protests the 1% is bringing it to our front door and starting the fight through the police. Next will be the military(like they did at Kent State and Seattle in 1999)and then the divide will happen. Authority figures of the 99% with a conscience will have revelations and realize that it's okay to be afraid and that the true power of a person isn't based on order, structure, ridgid guidelines, badges, guns or uniforms. I can't wait until this all comes to a head!! A better world for everyone!!

As for me making a difference the years of 2009 and 2010 were meant to be very politically/socially charged for me. It's why I met you, why I educated myself on a lot of the political BS and trying to see if I identified with the Democrats or Republicans and in all of this I learned a lot about the golden rule. I was just shocked and felt betrayed through 09 and 10 about all of the stuff I was uncovering, I knew about corruption but didn't realize how deep it ran. Now, I'm able to come at it with a passion. I consider passion to be a love of something mixed with rage over something you want to see improve. A blend of the negative and positive emotions...how it discharges from the soul is up to the individual.



Written: San Jose, California 2011