"It was my hate that moved me to the mountains, but it was love that moved my mountains of hate."
As 2011 nears it's end(ALREADY?!?!)the lessons learned have started to play out like a song, some in sync, some not but all beautiful.
*2008 showed me the Light of the spiritual world, a cleaner path that pushed me far away from society. I fell in love with nature.
*2009 showed me how to follow my heart and not stagnate for too long, by doing just that. It was a year where many new friendships from 2008 grew stronger, where some in 2009 were discovered and some from the earlier part of the 2000's were reconnected. My disgust with society continued.
*2010 showed me the dark of the physical world, a path that I never wanted to set foot on again. I learned about corporate politics, the workings of our sick and neurotic species both in America and the world at large, I learned about our disrespect for Mother Earth and our disconnection from tribal ways that seemed to work much better than the white European system. I also learned what happened when I let my dark side take control.
*2011 has shown me a great deal of importance. It has taken me from my highest highs to my lowest lows. It has put in my face all of the sweetness of life and it has been there to guide me to the next day when all the sweetness becomes bitter. I learned a great deal of my value of loved ones. From falling in love to a level in which I never imagined possible, to cherishing my family whom I didn't see for 8 months, to one of the most incredible blessings I have been blessed with, my friends. What makes them friends? It's just a way to specify the blood-relation because as far as my heart and my mind are concerned, these people are family, even more so than many of my blood relatives. I had friends and loved them in years past but it was in 2011 that I learned the *blessing* of friendship and it has solidified a place in my heart.
*2012 ???? Who knows where it may lead. Some of 2011's journeys still need to be completed on this journey of evolution. Hopefully, the hype about the end of the world is true. I cannot wait to see a better world for all.
In conclusion, 2008, 2009, 2010 AND 2011 have been learning experiences, as have all years prior. But it has been since 2008 that this awakening has sped up(ironically, as per my 2012 Horoscope). I've been through just about everything a young man could ask for in the last four years(and some he didnt ask for)with the exception of having children(NOT that I'm asking for that anytime soon! Don't get any ideas, Universe!..thats a mid 30's thing..at the soonest!!! ;)) and now I ask for support in living my music. In 08, 09 and 10 I had to find that music. In 2011 I had to fix and tune the instruments to PLAY that music. Now, as we head into 2012...it's time for that music to start playing PASSIONATE AND LOUD!!!
Less imbalance leading to spikes of black out depression and rage and then Light-filled loving moments of gratitude too please! I was never a big fan of rollercoasters so maybe I'll try the kiddie rides for a bit ;)
I've worked hard within myself and on myself to get myself to this point and I'd like to say this before the music begins..
It was falling in love with nature, the mountains and the west coast that lead to a sacred feeling in my heart of simplicity and the desire to take the world back to a simpler and more complete time with some modern toys...
It was all of the hurt and betrayal I felt in my heart by the "leaders" of this world that gave me a target to vent my rage, to put on my wall and most importantly to inspire me to CARE about humanity...
But this year, during my second round in the dark night of the soul, only this time becoming an adult it was my friends that shined the brightest. It was my love of other human beings that brought more meaning to my life...
If it were just a beautiful unmarked world with no life and no beings but my own it's beauty would wear off eventually. Equally so a world filled with drone-like beings that aren't connected to nature and a world with nothing but cement cities and no trees would be just as tragic.
So, this year I have found in my rebirth the desire to do what I can to help awaken the sleeping masses, one person at a time. To bring down the cities, one building at a time. To help others find beauty to cherish nature, one photograph at a time. To encourage others to free their spirit, one road trip story at a time. To express my feelings and thoughts, one journal entry at a time. To attract enough financial wealth to become solvent and spread the wealth to those I love and those in need doing something I love, NOT one dollar at a time...but THOUSANDS of dollars at a time. ;)
As we move into 2012 another chapter closes in my life, another year with its beautiful moments and challenging dark nights. I am ready to expand again.
In December 2010 I started the "On The Back Roads" blog with a journal entry explaining my up and coming move to Big Bear, it's funny how this year that started in Big Bear is also ending there. Here is an excerpt from that entry:
"It's been a hell of an experience the past 7 years in Joliet, Illinois...as I near my final days here and transition into the new I will keep everybody updated.
Reinvention, Rebirth, Responsibility.
Welcome to my new Facebook page, more importantly...thank you for joining me as I head in this new direction, new journey and most of all this deeper, older and more refined person I am becoming. <3"
Did I accomplish the tasks I set out to achieve in 2011?
Reinvention? Check.
Rebirth? Check.
Responsibility? Check...with a little *STILL IN PROGRESS*
2 and 1/2 outta 3? I'll take it! =:)
New Direction? Check.
New Journey? BIG Check.
Deeper, Older and more Refined Person? I once was a lake, but now am an ocean. CHECK!!
I was blessed with the opportunity to see all of my loved ones this year. That's been the highlight of my year, by far(along with working through my crap). From my own home in California and the desert southwest, to the little island in the beautiful lush pacific northwest, to the rolling hills of PA in the northeast, to the flat lands that push up against the rocky mountains of Colorado, to my kin in the Bay Area and finally to the unfortunate souls still in Joliet and other parts of Illinois ;P I don't seem to have anyone in the southeast but it's all good!
I realize that 2011 has been far from perfect and that I *could have not*, I want to stress that, I COULD HAVE NOT done it without the people I love, the people who lifted me and who wrapped their arms around me by welcoming me into their living spaces and their daily lives when I hurt deeply and struggled to navigate through the darkness. It was passion and love that sent me down a dark path 10 years ago and last year. It was passion and love again that sent me down a different dark path with more dancing progress this year, a much needed path apparently. It was my love, passion and curiousity of exploring deep within the human soul, spirit and mind along with exploring the whole world outside my front door that lead me to everything. Damn, am I grateful!
I am proud of myself, I got through another year, another set of heartaches, another set of triumphs.
2012 will need a new direction, I will write about it when it comes to mind...I do know that learning to maintain balance will be on the list! No more spiking up and down.
In case Dr. Jekyll leaves the office while I'm sleeping and Mr. Hyde re-awakens tomorrow morning in full blown rage-mode. I'd like to take this time to say to all of my wonderful friends that have made this year(that is coming to an end soon, wow!)worth it! GOODNIGHT, BLESS YOU and LOVE YOU ALL! <3
"The music plays even when the instrument is cheap, when it's missing a few strings or keys or when it's out of tune. At times, the music even plays when the instrument is broken or when the musician thinks he has nothing to play. It isn't until the musician learns how to play from the heart that the music really carries itself and becomes more than just a song. After years of practice and finally finding the balance between passion and power both the musician and the instrument finally find one another for the first time, creating a powerful and passionate story of harmony. A story that inspires and resonates in the hearts of the audience, a story that can only be told when both the musician and the instrument realize that without the hardships and without one another, music would not exist, nor would their story."
-Zachary Hill 2011(C)
Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011
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