Dark Decade of the Soul

As a child of life a few things are more than likely to happen in this Divine place filled with irrational and unawakened people.

Parents can mold you
Teachers can mislead you
Governments can opress you
Lovers can hurt you
Friends can betray you
Families can disown you
Enemies can defeat you

It seems to be hope that something will be better tomorrow morning than it was today that keeps us going, upon waking up in the morning it's often the hope that today will be better than yesterday that allows us the same experience.

I have been going through what some call "The Dark Night of the Soul" which usually inserts chaos through changes, at least in my own development. The night has been far too long and I await the rising of the sun. What I have noticed is our world itself seems to have fallen on a dark night. A world where fear controls the decisions of the masses. Where people vote everyday with what some super powerful cultural influence tells them to. From buying groceries to accepting our role as "consumers". We are only what we allow them to make us. As I get older I realize that choosing my battles has become far more important to prevent needless suffering, but who is to say what suffering is needless?

Every time I step into nature with the intent of gratitude I feel beauty that NOTHING can compare to wash over me...except for one recent discovery.

The nature within. I see that nature provides a place for me to see my own reflection..a reflection of what I truly am, my evolution.

Our species seems more concerned with continuing its own mutation than evolution. It usually pisses me off, deeply saddens me or at best I find myself attempting to block it out each and every day(not one goes by without this experience)that people take their life for granted and at the same time I feel forced into the box with everyone else since the majority rules. I'd like to believe that we could explore the deepest parts of our soul, mind and hearts in a community of support. We have too many labels, everything is catergorized into a religious, political or cultural box when in reality the development of the soul requires all 3 to evolve, not mutate. Religion evolves into Spirituality. Politics evolves into a cleaner spirit driven act and Culture could be less ego-based and more of a blending. A human culture.

We draw these lines that divide, division is an old way of doing things and it is unserving energy. Being unable to do anything about this is the worst experience for someone to witness day to day.

During my dark decade of the soul there have been many times I have wanted to drink the kool aid or take the other color pill and go back into oblivion and stupidity. Truth for me is that my experiences have deepend in my connection to nature, in my intimate relationships, in my friendships the deeper and further into this path I go. The other truth is the further I go the more dark it gets, the more confusing I find it to be and the more isolated and alone I feel. The more I walk the fine line between being lost forever in the dark or moving towards the light.

I find it interesting that we are always moving towards the light, when is the ACTUAL pay off of being in the light and preventing onesself from descending into the dark? My mind is over worked, tired and scared. My soul is lost and crying for a better world that goes beyond starting with myself. My emotions are all over the place and my body only finds itself dragging along the "dusty road". Depression and rage surface every now and again to remind me that I can always change my location and thoughts but the state of the world does not change. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Different faces, different clothes, different languages and different times. Same results.

The oppressed shall always be oppressed. The rich will continue to destroy the lives of the poor until the poor fight back.

For the few beautiful moments life truly has blessed me with there is a lot of exhaustion and dancing with the devil...

..For the few moments I have had I decide to get out of bed every morning hoping that today will provide the opportunity for another one of those moments...call me a junkie, call me hooked...call me what you will. I'd rather be hated or disregarded for who I am than falsely "loved" by shallow souls for who I am not.

These are the ramblings of a troubled, tired and old soul. I find myself not getting angry at the stupidity of the less awakened, I just find myself becoming more depressed as I watch the world go through its growing pains as I go through my own.

My faith is being tested more now than ever. I wish this world was gentler and more understanding, maybe it's because I'm sensitive. Something I wish I could shut off completely until the world is ready to wake up.

I'm not going to be of much use unless I get myself some college credentials since spirituality seems to have become a business. Everything has blood money running through it. I say we move forward by reverting back to a simpler society in the material realm but a deeper and far more evolved society in the spiritual/soul realm.

It feels good to put this out there, I'm tired of bottling up the negative/realistic attitude in exchange for faith driven positivity. Balance is very real, I've been running from my dark side for so long but never really touching the light that maybe it's time for me to embrace and use the darkness within to serve the light. The world is collapsing as we know it, thank God!

Until next time...


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

The Cauldron & The Flame

I have yet to find a dance more beautiful than the one between the cauldron and the flame.

The cauldron provides shelter for the wildly burning flame from the strong winds that threaten its existence.

The flame provides the cauldron with warmth that it alone would not produce.

What can happen when the flame and the cauldron dance too closely for too long though?

The cauldron is capable of smothering the flame and putting it out by blocking the necessary oxygen the flame needs to survive.

The flame is capable of burning hot and melting the cauldron.

But what can happen when the flame and the cauldron learn how to dance together with grace and harmony?

By the flame dancing around its partner knowing just when to move close and when to step back the cauldron warms up and slowly the steel starts to temper preventing the cauldron from melting and allowing it to slowly learn the warmth of the flame.

By the cauldron dancing around its partner knowing just when to move close and when to step back the flame is sheltered from the harsh winds but is able to graciously accept the winds that blow with less intensity providing it the oxygen it needs for survival encouraging the flame to burn at a steady and consistent temperature.

Together the cauldron and the flame have the potential to provide the needs for one another and also the potential to destroy the unity between one another.


With mindfulness and the willingness to learn the dance the flame and the cauldron learn to dance with one another by knowing when to move forward and when to step back.

The result is the shared unity of warmth and shelter for both.

What a beautiful dance...

-Zachary Hill 2011 (C)


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

A Concept: On The Backroads

The concept of being "on the backroads" started out as someone traveling from point A to point B on a long mile trip generally done so in a vehicle. What I've come to discover is the true meaning of what it means to be "on the backroads". While traveling further into my spiritual journey of the soul I have found that all of the roads within that I have taken have all been the ones least traveled in my previous lifetimes, which is why I have chosen this path or perhaps it has chosen me to encourage me to finally find the place within I call home and to know it for the first time.

-Zachary Hill May 2011


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

A. Light Retreat: Starlit Spring Night

(I wrote this last night in my notebook under thousands of stars, I wanted to share it with all of you)

Countless stars in the sky

Some shooting for just a moment catching my attention for seconds briefly

A night of wonder, a night of magic

I Love the wonders of the night

The creatures of the night sing me songs as though they were just for me

I'm in Love with Spirit and all of creation

It is because of what I see in the sky tonight that I am reminded of all the beautiful creations in existence

The smell and sweet taste of the crisp night air is sweeter than sugar(better for you too!)

What brings tears of sorrow and joy to my eyes is the feeling of knowing that no matter how dark the tunnel may get there is always a light at the other side and that no matter how grateful I am for every gust of wind, tree, bird that chirps, smell of rain, smile I see, hand I hold, lips I kiss passionately, hug I share, friend I have, song I sing, life I've touched that it will never be enough to express the gratitude I feel that runs through my veins, pounds in my heart and tears that swell in my eyes all saying "THANK YOU!!!" You've always been there even when I was too blind to see.

These are just a few moments of feeling my connection to Source while healing on a cool spring night under the stars at the Residence of Light.

-Zachary Hill


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

Love Is...

Love is the Essence of Life
Love is Living
Love is Alive
Love is Forgiveness
Love is Compassion
Love is Understanding
Love is Tears Released
Love is Self Acceptance
Love is Accepting Others
Love is Patience
Love is a Ray of Light
Love is Powerful
Love is Essential
Love is Our Natural State of Being
Love is Oneness
Love is Balance
Love is Joy
Love is Beautiful
Love is Nature
Love is You
Love is Me
Love is Cleansing
Love is Able to Move Mountains
Love is Giving
Love is Receiving
Love is Sharing
Love is a Warm Look
Love is a Smile
Love is a Tight Embrace
Love is Allowing
Love is Acceptance
Love is Divine

Love is...

...all that really matters in the end.


What is Love to you?..

-Zachary Hill

Happy Earth Day!!! =:)


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

The Captive Spirit Transformed

It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from or what you've done in this lifetime, we all have a free spirit within us. After many encounters with "mirrors"(people that can often reflect an image of myself at any given time)in recent months I have noticed how much of a captive spirit I have been. As I start to break free in all aspects of my life I realize there is much work to be done.

So what makes the difference? The choice and willingness to make the shift from captive to free.

As a captive spirit I blamed others for my problems, I blamed myself and I was always looking for an excuse or escape route to avoid dealing with my demons. I prided myself on my misery and would mistreat others with no rightful reason and then attempt to turn the tables on them.

As a spirit shifting from captive to free I monitor myself more often. I look to not blame anybody but to take responsibility for my own feelings and behavior and let others choose weather or not they want to take responsibility for themselves. I have begun dealing with my demons for the past 6 months or so and have made much progress but still have a ways to go. I have walked in as much integrity as I can bring forth and continue to expand the integrity in all parts of my life.

I am shining the flashlight inward on all the dark corners and coming in heavy with the light clearing out the darkness. I have NO desire to walk in the dark under any circumstances, I am constantly looking for ways to shield, ascend and remove that inauthentic, unserving and destructive energy from my being. Starting with art. Toxic music, movies, environments, people then moving to a more difficult level for me, the food I ingest, moving onward to my personal demons and unleashing them directly into the white light or purple flame.

I remember a few years ago I told my step-father "without the darkness I feel lost, I'm at home and comfortable in it". The sometimes seductive darkness has robbed me of so much, better yet realizing that I let it rob me turns the responsibility towards myself.

I have learned from some of the most "9 to 5 straight laced" people what some of the qualities of a free spirit is and at the same time I've learned from some of the most creative people in my life(including myself)what it is to be a captive spirit.

I've observed two types of captive spirits.

#1 The "Free" Spirit

#2 The Acknowledged Captive Spirit

The first one I feel is more deadly to a persons true free spirit within, I would say I've fallen under the first category more in the past few years. I felt that because of my sixth sense, creativity, simplicity, empathy and bleeding heart for the world that I was free. I wasn't going to buy a house, work 9-5, "settle down", ever want children and I didn't feel the need for ascension, I thought violent protest may encourage positive change. I thought I was in full control of life, obviously not.

In other words, I felt helpless. Helpless to myself, helpless to "the system", helpless to my childhood experiences, helpless to all of the toxic and dark choices I was making. Truth is this still comes and goes from time to time, but it IS purging its way out of my system and it's doing so rather quickly! I am pleased to say the least.

The second feels helpless and knows it, this may or may not be easier to deal with. I went through this phase too and it actually assisted in launching me into the "Free" spirit category.

Someone who acknowledges their captivity often has a desire to break free of it. I've noticed that often they do break free and skip right through the "free" spirit stage.

In the past 6 months I've observed my own insanity, darkness and captivity as well as a few others and come to a partially-complete conclusion that until an individual is ready to deal with their demons, the deepest and darkest childhood hurts, fears, resentments and conditioning's they will continue to serve darkness. You can paint a rusty car with a new coat of paint but the rust doesn't go away. You can remove the cancer from the cancer patient but without the spirit of life and light the patient often dies. You can change the location, vibration, situation and intention of a persons spirit but without letting in the light to clear out the darkest corners of a persons childhood and later adulthood experiences there will always be an imbalance and the experience of life will never be able to reach its full fruition.

What is my source and knowledge on the topic? Well, I've observed this behavior in others but most importantly I have the knowledge because that has been my experience with captivity and the illusion of being free that I put upon myself.

For the first time in my life, little by little I AM breaking free, I AM opening my heart to love and the light, I AM allowing myself to be vulnerable with people I get close to, I AM addressing the unfinished and unresolved issues with my father, I AM addressing my behavior in the past decade and most importantly I AM doing it all the way this time. No compromise and take no prisoners. I have been a prisoner long enough and the past few months of my life has really awakened that in all of my alone time, time spent with others and the places I have been(internally and externally).

I AM transitioning from a "free" captive spirit...to actually freeing my spirit.

I AM becoming the Free Spirit I was born to be and most importantly it's not been my creativity, living in a van, long hair, rebel-against-the-system attitude or choices(though they have helped in their own respective ways)but it's been the choices I have made to go back to the source of my captivity in this lifetime and remove the restraints from myself. I'm doing it with love, light, forgiveness and personal responsibility.

I couldn't have these experiences without all of the places, people and timing of my lifes experiences though.

The world and it's beings are my mirror and a window into my own soul, is this not heavenly? Is this not divine? Is this not the light working itself in? I believe it is. It's called Faith.

CLEAR YOUR KARMA! FREE YOURSELF! REVOLUTION: If YOU Want It!

Much Love & Thanks!

-Zac =:)


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

Healing on the Learning Curve

I've spent much of this past week praying, asking for guidance, reflecting and most importantly receiving all of the above.


I have been called to the San Juan Islands to ascend further on my path. This is a beautiful healing place that lacks all of the hustle and bustle of many places on the mainland. A friendly community from what I've observed so far and a place that seems to not mind allowing me to release myself and more importantly UNLEASH myself!

I'm feeling my Tiger energy pushing through like never before, raw energetic power rushing to the center waiting for a healthy outlet.

I still have this hurt that has been nagging me, a nagging feeling. One which is being released a little each day, I'm asking for guidance with how to release it entirely, I keep getting signs to write, let the me thats buried deep come out and play, do yoga and amongst other signs that I cannot share at this time because it would be counterproductive to myself and any other(s) involved. Patience raging Tiger, patience!

On the note of patience I feel this slowing down from regular civilization, a similar slowing down to the one I felt in Big Bear. Only now with being able to focus on myself I can harness as much of the light on this mystical little island as need be, make connections with the right people and move forward with my life..everything I came out here to do!

Eventually, when I return to the "mainland" I will be shown just how far I've progressed, let go, developed and balanced while on the island. I look forward to this challenge.

The past few months have left an interesting trail in my development so far. I went through some psychic training, relationship training and now I'm moving into a space where I can develop all of those. How to interact with others(both positive and negative people), how to manage myself in relationships and look for red flags when dealing with others, how to keep my faith alive and get to a point of knowing where there is confidence in every bit of faith I have.

For those of you who have seen and aided me through my dark times, my gratitude is endless. The best gift I can give to myself, all of you and the world is a lighter, healthier, happier me and pay it forward!

The idea of becoming so comfortable with my own Spirituality and Authentic-Self is incredibly beautiful, to not be tempted by dark energies when the going gets tough. (That came from a conversation I had with someone at the laundromat yesterday! =:P)

As I learn to let go of where I came from, I begin to move forward.

Thank You.


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011