Dark Decade of the Soul

As a child of life a few things are more than likely to happen in this Divine place filled with irrational and unawakened people.

Parents can mold you
Teachers can mislead you
Governments can opress you
Lovers can hurt you
Friends can betray you
Families can disown you
Enemies can defeat you

It seems to be hope that something will be better tomorrow morning than it was today that keeps us going, upon waking up in the morning it's often the hope that today will be better than yesterday that allows us the same experience.

I have been going through what some call "The Dark Night of the Soul" which usually inserts chaos through changes, at least in my own development. The night has been far too long and I await the rising of the sun. What I have noticed is our world itself seems to have fallen on a dark night. A world where fear controls the decisions of the masses. Where people vote everyday with what some super powerful cultural influence tells them to. From buying groceries to accepting our role as "consumers". We are only what we allow them to make us. As I get older I realize that choosing my battles has become far more important to prevent needless suffering, but who is to say what suffering is needless?

Every time I step into nature with the intent of gratitude I feel beauty that NOTHING can compare to wash over me...except for one recent discovery.

The nature within. I see that nature provides a place for me to see my own reflection..a reflection of what I truly am, my evolution.

Our species seems more concerned with continuing its own mutation than evolution. It usually pisses me off, deeply saddens me or at best I find myself attempting to block it out each and every day(not one goes by without this experience)that people take their life for granted and at the same time I feel forced into the box with everyone else since the majority rules. I'd like to believe that we could explore the deepest parts of our soul, mind and hearts in a community of support. We have too many labels, everything is catergorized into a religious, political or cultural box when in reality the development of the soul requires all 3 to evolve, not mutate. Religion evolves into Spirituality. Politics evolves into a cleaner spirit driven act and Culture could be less ego-based and more of a blending. A human culture.

We draw these lines that divide, division is an old way of doing things and it is unserving energy. Being unable to do anything about this is the worst experience for someone to witness day to day.

During my dark decade of the soul there have been many times I have wanted to drink the kool aid or take the other color pill and go back into oblivion and stupidity. Truth for me is that my experiences have deepend in my connection to nature, in my intimate relationships, in my friendships the deeper and further into this path I go. The other truth is the further I go the more dark it gets, the more confusing I find it to be and the more isolated and alone I feel. The more I walk the fine line between being lost forever in the dark or moving towards the light.

I find it interesting that we are always moving towards the light, when is the ACTUAL pay off of being in the light and preventing onesself from descending into the dark? My mind is over worked, tired and scared. My soul is lost and crying for a better world that goes beyond starting with myself. My emotions are all over the place and my body only finds itself dragging along the "dusty road". Depression and rage surface every now and again to remind me that I can always change my location and thoughts but the state of the world does not change. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Different faces, different clothes, different languages and different times. Same results.

The oppressed shall always be oppressed. The rich will continue to destroy the lives of the poor until the poor fight back.

For the few beautiful moments life truly has blessed me with there is a lot of exhaustion and dancing with the devil...

..For the few moments I have had I decide to get out of bed every morning hoping that today will provide the opportunity for another one of those moments...call me a junkie, call me hooked...call me what you will. I'd rather be hated or disregarded for who I am than falsely "loved" by shallow souls for who I am not.

These are the ramblings of a troubled, tired and old soul. I find myself not getting angry at the stupidity of the less awakened, I just find myself becoming more depressed as I watch the world go through its growing pains as I go through my own.

My faith is being tested more now than ever. I wish this world was gentler and more understanding, maybe it's because I'm sensitive. Something I wish I could shut off completely until the world is ready to wake up.

I'm not going to be of much use unless I get myself some college credentials since spirituality seems to have become a business. Everything has blood money running through it. I say we move forward by reverting back to a simpler society in the material realm but a deeper and far more evolved society in the spiritual/soul realm.

It feels good to put this out there, I'm tired of bottling up the negative/realistic attitude in exchange for faith driven positivity. Balance is very real, I've been running from my dark side for so long but never really touching the light that maybe it's time for me to embrace and use the darkness within to serve the light. The world is collapsing as we know it, thank God!

Until next time...


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011