It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from or what you've done in this lifetime, we all have a free spirit within us. After many encounters with "mirrors"(people that can often reflect an image of myself at any given time)in recent months I have noticed how much of a captive spirit I have been. As I start to break free in all aspects of my life I realize there is much work to be done.
So what makes the difference? The choice and willingness to make the shift from captive to free.
As a captive spirit I blamed others for my problems, I blamed myself and I was always looking for an excuse or escape route to avoid dealing with my demons. I prided myself on my misery and would mistreat others with no rightful reason and then attempt to turn the tables on them.
As a spirit shifting from captive to free I monitor myself more often. I look to not blame anybody but to take responsibility for my own feelings and behavior and let others choose weather or not they want to take responsibility for themselves. I have begun dealing with my demons for the past 6 months or so and have made much progress but still have a ways to go. I have walked in as much integrity as I can bring forth and continue to expand the integrity in all parts of my life.
I am shining the flashlight inward on all the dark corners and coming in heavy with the light clearing out the darkness. I have NO desire to walk in the dark under any circumstances, I am constantly looking for ways to shield, ascend and remove that inauthentic, unserving and destructive energy from my being. Starting with art. Toxic music, movies, environments, people then moving to a more difficult level for me, the food I ingest, moving onward to my personal demons and unleashing them directly into the white light or purple flame.
I remember a few years ago I told my step-father "without the darkness I feel lost, I'm at home and comfortable in it". The sometimes seductive darkness has robbed me of so much, better yet realizing that I let it rob me turns the responsibility towards myself.
I have learned from some of the most "9 to 5 straight laced" people what some of the qualities of a free spirit is and at the same time I've learned from some of the most creative people in my life(including myself)what it is to be a captive spirit.
I've observed two types of captive spirits.
#1 The "Free" Spirit
#2 The Acknowledged Captive Spirit
The first one I feel is more deadly to a persons true free spirit within, I would say I've fallen under the first category more in the past few years. I felt that because of my sixth sense, creativity, simplicity, empathy and bleeding heart for the world that I was free. I wasn't going to buy a house, work 9-5, "settle down", ever want children and I didn't feel the need for ascension, I thought violent protest may encourage positive change. I thought I was in full control of life, obviously not.
In other words, I felt helpless. Helpless to myself, helpless to "the system", helpless to my childhood experiences, helpless to all of the toxic and dark choices I was making. Truth is this still comes and goes from time to time, but it IS purging its way out of my system and it's doing so rather quickly! I am pleased to say the least.
The second feels helpless and knows it, this may or may not be easier to deal with. I went through this phase too and it actually assisted in launching me into the "Free" spirit category.
Someone who acknowledges their captivity often has a desire to break free of it. I've noticed that often they do break free and skip right through the "free" spirit stage.
In the past 6 months I've observed my own insanity, darkness and captivity as well as a few others and come to a partially-complete conclusion that until an individual is ready to deal with their demons, the deepest and darkest childhood hurts, fears, resentments and conditioning's they will continue to serve darkness. You can paint a rusty car with a new coat of paint but the rust doesn't go away. You can remove the cancer from the cancer patient but without the spirit of life and light the patient often dies. You can change the location, vibration, situation and intention of a persons spirit but without letting in the light to clear out the darkest corners of a persons childhood and later adulthood experiences there will always be an imbalance and the experience of life will never be able to reach its full fruition.
What is my source and knowledge on the topic? Well, I've observed this behavior in others but most importantly I have the knowledge because that has been my experience with captivity and the illusion of being free that I put upon myself.
For the first time in my life, little by little I AM breaking free, I AM opening my heart to love and the light, I AM allowing myself to be vulnerable with people I get close to, I AM addressing the unfinished and unresolved issues with my father, I AM addressing my behavior in the past decade and most importantly I AM doing it all the way this time. No compromise and take no prisoners. I have been a prisoner long enough and the past few months of my life has really awakened that in all of my alone time, time spent with others and the places I have been(internally and externally).
I AM transitioning from a "free" captive spirit...to actually freeing my spirit.
I AM becoming the Free Spirit I was born to be and most importantly it's not been my creativity, living in a van, long hair, rebel-against-the-system attitude or choices(though they have helped in their own respective ways)but it's been the choices I have made to go back to the source of my captivity in this lifetime and remove the restraints from myself. I'm doing it with love, light, forgiveness and personal responsibility.
I couldn't have these experiences without all of the places, people and timing of my lifes experiences though.
The world and it's beings are my mirror and a window into my own soul, is this not heavenly? Is this not divine? Is this not the light working itself in? I believe it is. It's called Faith.
CLEAR YOUR KARMA! FREE YOURSELF! REVOLUTION: If YOU Want It!
Much Love & Thanks!
-Zac =:)
Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011
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