SEX, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, TELEVISION...Food?...
Many of us suffer from addiction at some point in our lives. For some it's a late night at the bar, others enjoy their wake and bake and some can't get enough of that "tender lovin'" and let's not forget about those who know their favorite TV characters as if it was a member of the family, but what about food? Yeah, food...or shall we call it "food" cause it isn't really food, it's not the stuff our ancestors grew up with but it is highly addictive. Meet the culprits...
Sugar, Salt and Fat. The 3 key players of the American Diet along with preservatives, chemicals, artificial sweetners and a bunch of names I cannot pronounce.
Here's my story...
In 2008 I stopped eating meat and sugary foods instantly one night and continued that theme for 8 consecutive months. My motivation for eliminating meat was strictly due to a touching documentary I had watched in a hotel room one night entitled "Earthlings". The video showed the horrors of what animals have to endure to serve us, including food. Enraged at my own species for yet another insensitive act towards life I went meat free. I attempted to eat the horrible meat substitutes(such as Morningstar)but never found myself able to cover up the horrible taste. I never liked vegetables much either so I wasn't exactly a vegetarian, I found myself living mostly on forcing myself to eat(but usually not enjoy)vegetables, seeds, nuts, fruit, tea and water. I noticed how much better I had felt choosing not to eat meat, drink soda or engage in fast food(outside of some bean burritos from Taco Bell and veggie subs at Subway)but it wasn't long before my anger at the world ignited when I started to first learn of how corrupt and horrible our species can be through societal ways and politics and with that anger came helplessness to effecting change and with that came fear. With fear came vice and yes with vice came bad dieting decisions. After 8 months of eating clean and meat free I indulged in a McDonald's Big Mac(talk about going from 0 to 60, I'm good at doing that! lol), short of almost wanting to puke at the disgusting taste and grease that lined my mouth and the stomach pains that came with it I decided not to eat anything else like that...for a little while.
In 2005 I had went soda, corn syrup and coffee free for nearly 3 months, it was great! When I had my first soda after 3 months(a liter of Cherry Coke)I noticed how awful the acidity was along with the thick syrupy taste.
When things get rough or the stress hits hard(and sometimes not so hard)people have many choices of sinful vices that do not serve their higher good. I've known people who use alcohol, marijuana, ecstacy, acid, sex or pornography and of course my drug of choice, "food".
I can't really call it food because what I, along with a majority of the modern world eat on a daily basis is hardly considered food. So, how is it that something so bad for a person can taste so good? How can a person who has overcome sugar, fat, salt, factory meat and fast food before find themselves saying inside conscious "this is killing you, don't eat it!" but feeling unable to not eat it? I'm not entirely sure but I do listen to the voice within that lets me know something isn't right.
My vice isn't illegal, there isn't any DUI or jailtime for "having a dimebag" and if anything it is highly encouraged by our culture, everywhere I go there is cheap "food" that is usually made fast which makes it hard to resist. Let's look at some facts about me when it comes to eating..
My mother was a bad cook and generally made bad food for dinner such as frozen chicken patties with mac and cheese, oftentimes as late as 9PM right before bed. I believe this is why I associate in my mind "eating out ALWAYS taste better than home cooked" yet I've had good homecooked food at other peoples houses, just never in my own life as a youngster.
I do not like to cook and I do not want to wait for my food to be made. Waiting 5 minutes in line or at the drive thru window at Jack in the Box or Taco Bell is hell for me, I generally never know what I want to eat until 10 minutes before I eat it, I'm not much of a planner with food and I don't like to wait.
When I had money I would usually lean towards places like Subway, Panera or Chipotle seeing them as a cleaner option on many levels to Burger King, Wendys or McDonalds.
I have known how it is not to crave "food" when I was no longer eating it.
I go to the grocery store and 95% of what I see is not food. The vegetables and fruits have been covered with pesticides or have been sitting on a shelf and losing their enzymes to the point where these contaminated plants and fruits are essentially about as bad as a microwave dinner.
Jobs I have had were big on pressuring people to work through their lunch breaks with threatening to fire people who wouldn't play the game, this lead to plenty of $1 hot dog stops at the gas station or microwave meals.
This year I have blimped up and sugared out quite a bit after some of the not-so-fun experiences during winter. By the time I arrived on San Juan Island I was eating candy nearly everyday and though I wanted to stay away from junk food I found it comforting in such a down point of my life. The good thing about SJI was they had no fast food establishments however the bad thing was all of the restaurants were overpriced and horrible as was the grocery store. I've been to 48 states and SJI takes the cake for worst food choices I've encountered. Since I have left it's back to mostly fast food or processed grocery store food as usual.
As a young man who is almost 25 I look at some hard facts along with some questions...
Diabetes runs with the men in my family
I cannot afford to eat or buy local or organic, it's simply too expensive, I can hardly afford to eat off the dollar menu, this was no different when I was making $36,000 a year
What will be the cost to pay for the damage I have already done to my body?
Will I ever be able to afford to eat REAL food?
Will our society in it's limited selection continue to offer REAL food?
What sense does it make to eat Walmart's depleted veggies and fruit that is usually banged up, pesticide sprayed and flavorless when its just as bad for me by the time I buy it as a chicken sandwich from Wendys?
How do I teach myself to cook when I find it to be the one thing I'd rather pay someone else to do above anything else?
I have considered trading my vice for others(such as cigarette smoking which I have seen curbs the appetite in some)but I find the others to be more expensive, more disgusting and oftentimes illegal.
Even IF I had the money and resources to eat real food(which I don't), how do I stop the sugar, salt and fat addictions? How do I maintain a well balanced diet when I do not enjoy eating vegetables? What do I do when I know my body, taste buds and soul craves a peach more than a bag of Skittles but I reach for the Skittles first? What happens when I want to take my meat intake down to nearly nothing but do not enjoy the substitutes?...
Tacos, pizza, chinese, occasionally a hot dog or burger, candy....
...What happens when the only thing I enjoy eating anymore is stuff that is bad for me...
..What happens when one no longer picks their poison, but their poison picks them?..
...I ask because this is what has happened to me.
-Zachary Hill 2011(C)
Written: San Jose, California 2011
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