Amazing Grace

"..I once was lost but now am found..."

As I sit on this couch I yet again have a revelation. I once believed that 2011 was just going to be a year for me to clear my karma, ascend from darkness and manage myself the best I can through the ups and downs. In many ways it has been all of that but what all of that has lead to is the concept of owning my personal power and wearing the skin I was put here to wear. Today during the exorcism a fellow lightworker sang "Amazing Grace" and when he reached the line in the song "I once was lost but now I'm found" my intuitive clairaudience received the words "Step Up". Tonight I was sitting on the couch and having a Facebook chat with a friend who said the following to me when expressing my gratitude for the opportunities of spiritual ascension I acquired while spending time with them earlier this year.

"the blessing has truly gone both ways! Thanks! You are so insightful!"

As I read that line my intuitive clairsentience received the following message from Source..

"You sought the path and followed it. You received the guidance, much of which came through others who helped you embrace and see your own personal power. What is most important though Zac, is that those who lifted you were able to see your gifts during your darkest hour when you once were lost but you are now found, where you once couldn't see your own potential, you now view yourself through eyes that shine from the Light. Own Your Power.....Own Your Power."

The first thing that came to my logical mind when I received this insight was my friend Angela telling me this spring how she could see me speaking to people and having a prescence of power to effect the lives of many with positive energy and change while I was at what seemed to be the peak of my darkest hour.

The next thing that came to me was the confidence I had in myself to live the life I had imagined when I moved out to California this past winter. It struck me that a large part of the attraction Sara and I had to one another was based on personal power. I projected confidence and Light intentions which she was drawn to. I was drawn to her for the same reasons every one of my loved ones were drawn to me and believed in me. I saw the best in her while she was in her darkest hour and to finally recognize that brings a sense of maturity, gratitude and peace.

Lastly, the words of all of those who have loved me when I wasn't able to love myself have lifted me so high. Every single person that has spoken kind words to me over the years, but most of all this year I have always been grateful for what they have had to say but it has taken a long battle within myself and with my ego to be able to accept those loving words without feeling guilty to be the wonderful, powerful and creative rebel I am! I would love to list each person who has helped lift me this year and in years past and each person who has recognized my Light within the darkness I was at one point stuck in but all of those people know who they are and if you are reading this and you aren't sure if that means you, chances are it does. Some of you are still in my life, others are not but I have gratitude and love for every single person I have been assisted with from those who have shown nothing but love to those who have been patient with me to those who have hurt me and blessed me with the opportunity to learn about forgiveness, the only remedy to a wounded loving heart.

My horoscope told me that somewhere around November 2011 I would be "feeling the love" and as we get closer to November, I have to admit that I am feeling it. It's become more of a knowing than a feeling. The thing I found the most amazing in all of these revelations I had today was that even in my darkest moment I was much stronger than I ever would have thought. I had to make a choice which means I had to own the responsibility of anything that came my way this year when I made the choice to attack my demons head on and face them which was the hardest decision and sticking out the course of it was even harder.

In 2011 I set out for a new adventure and for the last time "went West young man".

In 2011 I learned what it was like to deal with guilt over the most shameful act I had ever found myself involved with.

In 2011 I learned to be okay with asking for help not only from the Creator but also from other human beings.

In 2011 I learned to allow myself to have unrestrained intimacy incorporated with blunt honesty in a relationship where I finally allowed myself to fall fully in love with no reservations.

In 2011 I learned how to work through the feelings of loss and heartbreak with a lover on a level deeper than ever because of the chance I took with not restraining myself as I had done so with the other relationships in the past.

In 2011 I learned to forgive. I learned how to forgive a lover that let go of a divine connection with so many signs of it's divinity attached to it. I learned to do my best to not stay resentful, disgusted or judgemental towards them...of course I was all three but in the end, letting go was what brought me peace. I learned to forgive my father for the way he conducted himself much of the time when I was a child but also found gratitude in the things he did do with integrity. I learned how to forgive myself for the shameful things I had done, for the expectations I had put on other people along with the judgements of their decisions and most of all I learned how to forgive myself for being human.

In 2011 I learned how to love. I fell in love, I learned who my true soul family members are and how to love them for who they are, I learned to love myself..flaws and all!

In 2011 I learned that the Light overcomes darkness but only when the Light is allowed to come in and the desire to retain the darkness is let go.

Most importantly in 2011, I learned...



Love & Gratitude. <3

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011

Conversation With a Police Officer: Compassion & Reverence

Below is a few excerpts from an email exchange between me and a police officer in Will County, Illinois who at one time was my partner, a person with a hell of a lot of integrity and heart. Someone I learned a lot from but someone I feared was misguided by the system. The emails exchanged contained more than just the following but this is specific to the 99% movement going on across the world so I took out the parts that were important. I have re-read the emails and there are typos that will not be corrected, this is verbatim.

After putting together these pieces of the email I once again was able to soften my resentment and disgust with the police. While this does not excuse the behavior of the police in New York City, Phoenix or anywhere else that they have used their position of power to abuse the freedoms, ideals and bodies of the public it certainly has hit a bit of a reset button on my compassion for them and reminded me that they are people too and may need more guidance, love and light than any other person during this time of great change in our world. They are the next people whose hearts we have to light up before we can get to the military or to the 1% that need the most love of all. The Universe softened me in San Francisco yesterday as I marched side by side with the police who were there to contain us on the right side of the street, for some of them I felt their fear, for others I felt their ego and unwillingness to allow the higher self to come through. Today I received an email from a loved one which I no longer speak with on a regular basis(she must have been the "returning old friend or loved one" from the 2 tarot cards and fortune cookie the other day)and through our exchange, my compassion expanded. I am thankful to her and to the Universe for assisting me in expanding the things I am asking for assistance with.

Here is the exchange...



Her: Your profile picture interested me. I see you next to a marine protesting. I'm glad you are getting out there! I can't read the signs though... the picture is too small. what/where was the protest? how did it turn out. how did you feel doing it and after?






Me: I am not sure if you have heard of the "Occupy Together" movement yet or the 99%(though I have a feeling being pretty socially conscious and a police officer you have, I've seen Joliet has had Occupy Joliet protests)but that is what the protest was. October 15th 2011 was a worldwide day titled "O15 Occupy The World" where people protested in over 1,000 cities on every continent(cept Antarctica)and in over 85 countries. The movement started on Wall St in NYC on Sept 17th and is an ongoing protest that has spread worldwide and will not stop until things change or the system collapses. The 99% movement is great because it's a blend of all types of people, hence the picture of me with the marine veteran. I personally like to thank soldiers who wear their uniforms to the protests(especially in NYC, where the NYPD has been brutally assaulting protestors)because we need the regimented police and military types to wake up and realize they are part of us and not the 1%(unless they choose to be). Basically, everything I have wanted to see come to life over the past few years is starting to. Soldiers from all of the branches assembled in NYC on Wall St in uniform and gathered together when the NYPD were pepper spraying peaceful protestors saying "let's see the police pepper spray a military veteran, that would be a good thing for the public to see on the news" people are fed up, the police are just afraid but the more we greet them with love and gratitude it will assist them in waking up and that's the way we can show them they are part of the 99%. Another good example was in Phoenix where 100 riot officers surrounded 40 peaceful protestors and started pepper spraying them and the protestors just chanted "we love you" as they were being pepper sprayed, it's all coming to a head. The marines sign says "The 99% is waking up and we are taking our country BACK!" also says "End the Fed" and "Welcome to the Revolution". My sign is a quote from Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" essay. I decided to align myself with the protest march in San Francisco for the O15 Occupy the World event because here in San Jose the movement was smaller. San Francisco's federal reserve bank is the biggest on the west coast and is in charge of the money for California and about 10 other states plus Guam, American Samoa and the Mariana Islands. We marched on the SF federal reserve then to city hall and marched on city hall, then back to the camp where people are sleeping and able to eat donated food, etc. The SF police were overall very civil with us for this particular march(with a few asshole officers, of course. I watched one try to run over 2 guys from Italy on their motorcycle)and the protestors were peaceful and I don't believe any arrests were made yesterday both just or unjust so that's good. We marched on Well's Fargo headquarters, Chase, Bank of America and US Bank too on the way back to camp. Thousands of people, I may be on the OccupySF website front page or videos cause I was right next to the people who were giving speeches on the megaphones on the steps of city hall(so if you see a dude in an orange bandana then you know who it is). The 99% movement is a very liberal movement but not a Democrat or leftist movement. It's liberal in the definition of the world seperate from the political ties just people who are simply tired of the status quo(though the Tea Party and right wing media has tried to label us as liberal, welfare loving hippies)I first hand have seen people of all ages, political and religious views out there saying "fuck you" to Wall St, the banks and telling the US gov(or gov's of the other countries) "if you won't fix the problem, we will." I say, come what may.


Her:
That movement sounds awesome! I'm going to have to look into it. I've actually had some interesting conversation with a few people I work with about this. Most of them believe that there will be some kind of civil war coming because they can feel the changes going on. Surprisingly, there have been some who are enlightened enough like me that they feel conflicted about their roll in all of this should some upheaval occur. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you are doing something meaningful and you are making a difference like you always wanted.





Me: I too believe there may be a civil war between the classes based on wealth. That's why I believe it's important to help the police and military that aren't able to see through the BS they were sold on so they can embrace their authentic self and the side they are really on. I'd like to see the 1% and 99% unite but weve been shown time and time again that those in power will not relinquish it without it being taken. I think this grassroots movement is starting in a very healthy way but I think as time goes on tolerance for police brutality and government lies will be less and less tolerated, I'm hoping the protestors don't get violent(even though the police clearly have) but as I said before, come what may and whatever needs to happen will happen. Can't have vegetables to feed people or animals and sustain life without water. Can't have sunshine with the rain so to speak.

You wanting to be a cop has presented an interesting dynamic to my personal growth, I always pictured us being able to unite somehow in a protest but I always knew it may be hard decision to make for a police officer with integrity to be a go between for the movement and the police line while in uniform. I think ultimately the police will have to decide if they want to continue to serving the evil powers or join the side they are actually part of, it's an interesting fragmentation for sure. I think many police officers just believe that we as a species cannot self govern, I believe we can and though I think that's a bit down the pipe of evolution for now, I do see it happening, we have after all come this far and there is a huge spiritual awakening taking place behind all of this. I think the cops who want to march around and abuse their power driven by their ego will take the protests personally and end up aligning with the "bad guys" in the long run and police/military who are good hearted, maybe scared just like the rest of us and want to serve the public, cops such as yourself will eventually align against Wall St, the corrupt governments and the major corporations. How it will all play out? That's beyond me and until the intuition comes through to our collective human consciousness we will just have to wait.

Everytime I think of you in regards to this protest I always think of the question I asked after we watched "Battle in Seattle". "What will you do when it comes down to the people vs those in power and the police are asked to stand in the way on behalf of those in power?"

I'm not worried that you'll act out of integrity, I don't see you being able to act the way a lot of the NYPD have but I also know of good cops out there other than yourself. I was in NYC on September 11th and the NYPD were very kind to me whenever I needed directions(except one guy), overly polite in fact. I don't know if we were softened by the anniversary but New Yorkers were friendly over all, much different than what I've seen in the protests on Wall St.

I am also happy to hear that some of your co-workers are finding themselves torn should this turn into a civil war style revolution, because the police officers that feel scared of the changes and to go after the corporate government will ultimately choose to do what is right and not exactly what is the law. I don't think there is a good hearted cop in the world right now that isn't conflicted about the revolution that has started. I am flattered by the support of so many different types of people. I have marched with gays, people of all races, young, old, foreigners, anarchists, democrats, republicans, Christians, Muslims, buddhists, businessmen in suits, soldiers, pot smoking hippies, grandmothers, baby boomers, Generation X, Y and Z, lawyers, firemen, city workers(bus drivers and train operators), homeless people and possibly cops(haven't met any personally yet). I cannot wait to see when we have police AND military marching with us IN uniform. I said the following about the protest before I went...


"Those who protested beside Martin Luther King Jr, the Vietnam war, Kent State, Battle in Seattle, all of the cities that protested the Bush war in 2003 and anybody else who ever stood up for what's right October 15th 2011 is YOUR day, it's OUR day, the day for the 99% to march against evil in over 85 countries and over 1000 cities. Today we won't hear the chants of "the whole world is watching" instead, the whole world is PROTESTING!!! I'm off to San Francisco, the road I must travel it's end I cannot see."

That is what is great about this movement, the evil powers that have been doing people wrong for so long have finally fed up and Americans have finally gotten off their asses and made an effective protest that has spread like a wildfire to the rest of the world. Those who look at us as able to lead the globe have felt a sense of being able to do so since America finally stood up. I guess something we as people could learn on a personal, spiritual and social/economical level is to not wait until we are miserable or completely fucked to do something. All of the other protests in the US and the world over the past 40 years have been based on one issue or another, this is a spiritual awakening and revolution for everyone covering everything. The only thing that concerns me is that we may stop because nobody wants this to get violent but truthfully I don't think the 1% are going to give up their charade without some extreme form of civil disobedience. Everything in it's time and I say let them bring it to us and right now with the police brutality that is spreading due to city officials growing impatient with the protests the 1% is bringing it to our front door and starting the fight through the police. Next will be the military(like they did at Kent State and Seattle in 1999)and then the divide will happen. Authority figures of the 99% with a conscience will have revelations and realize that it's okay to be afraid and that the true power of a person isn't based on order, structure, ridgid guidelines, badges, guns or uniforms. I can't wait until this all comes to a head!! A better world for everyone!!

As for me making a difference the years of 2009 and 2010 were meant to be very politically/socially charged for me. It's why I met you, why I educated myself on a lot of the political BS and trying to see if I identified with the Democrats or Republicans and in all of this I learned a lot about the golden rule. I was just shocked and felt betrayed through 09 and 10 about all of the stuff I was uncovering, I knew about corruption but didn't realize how deep it ran. Now, I'm able to come at it with a passion. I consider passion to be a love of something mixed with rage over something you want to see improve. A blend of the negative and positive emotions...how it discharges from the soul is up to the individual.



Written: San Jose, California 2011

The Colors Within, The Colors Without

Anybody who has known me since at least 2008 knows how much it meant to me to be able to leave corporate-America in early 2008 and let my hair down(literally)and hit the road to explore the West! Some of my favorite companions over the past 3 years of travel have been my long hair blowing in the wind, my bandanas that keep it from blowing in my face, my sandals and of course..my tye dyes.

Today I pay tribute to the departure of the "tye dye generation" as I donated my remaining 2 tye dyes to the thrift store.(the green one met the trash can the first night of my relocation from Illinois in 2011 full of holes it was hard to let it go, but new beginnings require freshness)

Maybe some other young man here in California who aspires to find himself by going EAST can find some use in the remaining 2 tye dyes?

I was never a hippie(but was called it often)but for whatever reason I felt a connection to all three shirts for some reason. I felt each one expressed a different side of my inner expression, it was the first time I wore clothes proudly but sometime after Spring of 2011 I put them on and they didn't seem to light me up anymore. Time to move on.

For whatever reason I have outgrown the tye dyes but they will always be a memorable outward expression of the colors I felt deep inside as I journeyed into the powerful wild West.

=:) THANK YOU for all the color, tye dyes!

Written: San Jose, California 2011

The 99%: A New Paradigm

Today was a game changer for me, after playing the credit card and credit score game since I turned 17 I finally made the call and told them I wouldn't be able to pay this months payment. The phone call went something like the following...

Me: "I'm sorry, I cannot pay this months payment nor do I know when I will be able to make another payment. What happens now?"

Chase Banker(from some middle eastern country): "Do you have any kind of income? Disability? Unemployment?"

Me: "No, nothing. I'm essentially homeless."

Chase Banker: "You're authorized for a CREDIT LINE INCREASE, would you like to increase your credit limit, sir?"

Me: "*Long Silence*....uhh, are you serious?.."

Chase Banker: "It's showing that you qualify for a credit line increase, are you interested, sir?"

Me: "I cannot pay and don't know when I will be able to, is this a joke?"

Chase Banker: "No, sir."

Me: "No, but thanks anyway."

Chase Banker: "Are you interested in re-applying for Chase reward points?"

Me: "No *wondering if she processed me telling her I cannot pay yet*"

Chase Banker: "I can transfer you to our hardship department but they may close your account, is that ok?"

Me: "Absolutely."


Afterwards I was transferred to an American account specialist who told me they couldn't do much for me(which I knew would be the case, they can take our money but can't do much else for us). What I learned in all of this mess and this being the second time I've carried a debt but this time with interest and the inability to pay for the first time is to not play the systems game, period. I built up a reputable credit score of 750 because I was doing what society told me was right and when I needed to cash in on my credit score for more credit or loans I was given a BS loan percent of 36%(thats what they give people with bad credit, mine is excellent)and denied more credit(for the first time after 20 something cards over the past 7 years).


I was able to find my higher self and passion on the road over the past 4 years and afford my travels because...

A. I busted my ass at soul stripping corporate jobs and saved my money.(If I were to go back to make more of this money my stripped soul would need another 4 years on the road to realign and find itself again)

B. I used my credit responsibly only when I tried to go back to Corporate America after stepping on the spiritual path I found that I couldn't, then after the Great Depression 2 hit hard in 2009 I found myself unable to be ambitious about making money yet I still payed all of my debts on time, in full and with 0% interest.

I will pay the money I owe Chase and Citi but I refuse to do soul stripping work or take money out of my pocket to survive or thrive, paying them is my last priority and taking care of myself is first. They have done nothing to help the American people and have only taken from them unjustly. Upon clearing my credit debts I refuse to do further business with banking institutions. This includes credit cards, loans, financing of any kind, checking and savings accounts.

Logically, they fucked us all over and they charge way too much interest and do not help the people.

Intuitively, I do not trust any of them, not one bit.

Spiritually, I feel responsible to pay my debts to them to keep with my integrity, regardless of how dirty and evil they have decided to play, regardless of the fact they have taken both my income tax money and sales tax money to give to their criminal friends in the Corporate Government but after they are paid, I wash my hands of the banking system until some integrity is brought to the banking system(and I'm not convinced that will ever happen, though anything is possible).

This comes from one soul who is doing their best to align with spirit and the Light suggests that I do what I can to go off and stay off the grid after clearing my debts. The banking industry is run by evil, why would I involve myself with them?

The best we can do in "the greatest country in the world" is encourage people to follow the system that is in place which keeps people from following their intuition and therefore MAKING THE WORLD A TRULY BETTER PLACE? It encourages us to work for low wages or just go to an institution of higher learning to make more money but buy the debt of the education first, in times older but wiser than ours people were called to their life's work, it wasn't something that was sold like it is nowadays to college students. Sadly, between doing soul stripping work and living on credit I was able to follow a lot of my dreams as a young adult but now the gas tank is running dry and though I'm grateful to have been able to do it(grateful to the Universe), there has to be a better way to get people to the places they are called to be on a physical, emotional, spiritual, mental and societal level. What is next for us?

The "American Dream" was, is and always will be a lie.

Consumerism has got us where we are.

My parents generation was bought cheap by consumerist corporate America.

My generation and those after me are following in the footsteps of our parents decisions and will have to pay for the mistakes of those before us and unless we change, we will pass it on to our children.

Would this world not be better off driven by Spirit rather than ego?

This is our time of realizing our karma and doing something about it as individuals and as a world.

America is a young country of old ideas, America needs to flow with it's natural evolution or it will die off. If America refuses to evolve, then let it die so something better and more aligned with the Light can take it's place.

This IS spiritual warfare.

What side are you on?

I dream of a world where the 1% and 99% are able to accept their place together to complete the whole of 100%. Karma will balance, it always does.

I am (we are) the 99%.


Written: San Jose, California 2011

Pick Your Poison: The American Diet

SEX, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, TELEVISION...Food?...

Many of us suffer from addiction at some point in our lives. For some it's a late night at the bar, others enjoy their wake and bake and some can't get enough of that "tender lovin'" and let's not forget about those who know their favorite TV characters as if it was a member of the family, but what about food? Yeah, food...or shall we call it "food" cause it isn't really food, it's not the stuff our ancestors grew up with but it is highly addictive. Meet the culprits...

Sugar, Salt and Fat. The 3 key players of the American Diet along with preservatives, chemicals, artificial sweetners and a bunch of names I cannot pronounce.


Here's my story...


In 2008 I stopped eating meat and sugary foods instantly one night and continued that theme for 8 consecutive months. My motivation for eliminating meat was strictly due to a touching documentary I had watched in a hotel room one night entitled "Earthlings". The video showed the horrors of what animals have to endure to serve us, including food. Enraged at my own species for yet another insensitive act towards life I went meat free. I attempted to eat the horrible meat substitutes(such as Morningstar)but never found myself able to cover up the horrible taste. I never liked vegetables much either so I wasn't exactly a vegetarian, I found myself living mostly on forcing myself to eat(but usually not enjoy)vegetables, seeds, nuts, fruit, tea and water. I noticed how much better I had felt choosing not to eat meat, drink soda or engage in fast food(outside of some bean burritos from Taco Bell and veggie subs at Subway)but it wasn't long before my anger at the world ignited when I started to first learn of how corrupt and horrible our species can be through societal ways and politics and with that anger came helplessness to effecting change and with that came fear. With fear came vice and yes with vice came bad dieting decisions. After 8 months of eating clean and meat free I indulged in a McDonald's Big Mac(talk about going from 0 to 60, I'm good at doing that! lol), short of almost wanting to puke at the disgusting taste and grease that lined my mouth and the stomach pains that came with it I decided not to eat anything else like that...for a little while.


In 2005 I had went soda, corn syrup and coffee free for nearly 3 months, it was great! When I had my first soda after 3 months(a liter of Cherry Coke)I noticed how awful the acidity was along with the thick syrupy taste.

When things get rough or the stress hits hard(and sometimes not so hard)people have many choices of sinful vices that do not serve their higher good. I've known people who use alcohol, marijuana, ecstacy, acid, sex or pornography and of course my drug of choice, "food".


I can't really call it food because what I, along with a majority of the modern world eat on a daily basis is hardly considered food. So, how is it that something so bad for a person can taste so good? How can a person who has overcome sugar, fat, salt, factory meat and fast food before find themselves saying inside conscious "this is killing you, don't eat it!" but feeling unable to not eat it? I'm not entirely sure but I do listen to the voice within that lets me know something isn't right.

My vice isn't illegal, there isn't any DUI or jailtime for "having a dimebag" and if anything it is highly encouraged by our culture, everywhere I go there is cheap "food" that is usually made fast which makes it hard to resist. Let's look at some facts about me when it comes to eating..

My mother was a bad cook and generally made bad food for dinner such as frozen chicken patties with mac and cheese, oftentimes as late as 9PM right before bed. I believe this is why I associate in my mind "eating out ALWAYS taste better than home cooked" yet I've had good homecooked food at other peoples houses, just never in my own life as a youngster.

I do not like to cook and I do not want to wait for my food to be made. Waiting 5 minutes in line or at the drive thru window at Jack in the Box or Taco Bell is hell for me, I generally never know what I want to eat until 10 minutes before I eat it, I'm not much of a planner with food and I don't like to wait.

When I had money I would usually lean towards places like Subway, Panera or Chipotle seeing them as a cleaner option on many levels to Burger King, Wendys or McDonalds.

I have known how it is not to crave "food" when I was no longer eating it.

I go to the grocery store and 95% of what I see is not food. The vegetables and fruits have been covered with pesticides or have been sitting on a shelf and losing their enzymes to the point where these contaminated plants and fruits are essentially about as bad as a microwave dinner.

Jobs I have had were big on pressuring people to work through their lunch breaks with threatening to fire people who wouldn't play the game, this lead to plenty of $1 hot dog stops at the gas station or microwave meals.

This year I have blimped up and sugared out quite a bit after some of the not-so-fun experiences during winter. By the time I arrived on San Juan Island I was eating candy nearly everyday and though I wanted to stay away from junk food I found it comforting in such a down point of my life. The good thing about SJI was they had no fast food establishments however the bad thing was all of the restaurants were overpriced and horrible as was the grocery store. I've been to 48 states and SJI takes the cake for worst food choices I've encountered. Since I have left it's back to mostly fast food or processed grocery store food as usual.

As a young man who is almost 25 I look at some hard facts along with some questions...

Diabetes runs with the men in my family

I cannot afford to eat or buy local or organic, it's simply too expensive, I can hardly afford to eat off the dollar menu, this was no different when I was making $36,000 a year

What will be the cost to pay for the damage I have already done to my body?

Will I ever be able to afford to eat REAL food?

Will our society in it's limited selection continue to offer REAL food?

What sense does it make to eat Walmart's depleted veggies and fruit that is usually banged up, pesticide sprayed and flavorless when its just as bad for me by the time I buy it as a chicken sandwich from Wendys?

How do I teach myself to cook when I find it to be the one thing I'd rather pay someone else to do above anything else?

I have considered trading my vice for others(such as cigarette smoking which I have seen curbs the appetite in some)but I find the others to be more expensive, more disgusting and oftentimes illegal.

Even IF I had the money and resources to eat real food(which I don't), how do I stop the sugar, salt and fat addictions? How do I maintain a well balanced diet when I do not enjoy eating vegetables? What do I do when I know my body, taste buds and soul craves a peach more than a bag of Skittles but I reach for the Skittles first? What happens when I want to take my meat intake down to nearly nothing but do not enjoy the substitutes?...

Tacos, pizza, chinese, occasionally a hot dog or burger, candy....

...What happens when the only thing I enjoy eating anymore is stuff that is bad for me...


..What happens when one no longer picks their poison, but their poison picks them?..

...I ask because this is what has happened to me.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)

Written: San Jose, California 2011

OCCUPY: San Jose

Today I decided to take a stroll down to city hall in San Jose, California for the on going "Occupy San Jose" rally.

200 E. Santa Clara St.
San Jose California

I was there during a very quiet moment more or less for protesting but we still had the horns of the cars honking as they passed by along with people on bicycles and on foot asking questions and even a reporter interviewing us.

There were firetrucks, city buses, gang bangers in their lowriders, people in BMW's, souped up Mustangs, mini vans, company trucks, lots of vehicles transporting people from all walks of life honking at the Occupy San Jose movement in support.

A professor from the local college was unable to spend time in support of the movement because he had too many papers to grade so instead he decided to buy each and every protestor that wanted a burrito from the local Mexican restaurant "El Sabroso" across the street from city hall to show his support of the "Occupy Together" movement. I refused a burrito but later went in there after a few hours of protesting and realized that the burritos were going for nearly $6 and while that is not a bad price for a burrito(and they were good!)it does add up to buy roughly 40 people a meal. I felt it to be a good gesture of the human heart and it was much appreciated from the protestors.

I personally stood on the intersection of Santa Clara and 5th for about 2 hours and waved at the supporters as they drove by honking. We did not have any interaction with the police while I was there and though there have been threats to arrest protestors who are camping overnight, that hasn't seemed to stop anybody from doing so and no arrests have been reported. Some say "Police are part of the 99% too", I figure we have to find a way to get them on our side sooner or later!

I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and have been considering going again a few times until I leave San Jose. I am interested in checking out the other "Occupy Together" movements in other places across the World(yes, it has spread to the UK, Canada and even Africa!!)and United States. From small towns to the major cities there are people uprising that are fed up with the Corporate Government and it has become clear after seeing people from all walks of life honking at us in support, the CG doesn't have very many friends to turn to anymore.


The revolution has begun...

Written: San Jose, California 2011

Financial Crossroads: Who Owes Who?

I am at the crossroads yet again, only this time it's a financial one.

Back in 2005, 2006 and 2007 when I was between 17 and 20 years of age I was pretty well off financially. I had $15,000 in the bank at all times, 2 cars at all times which were paid in full(sometimes 3 at once and I've never had a car payment), over $100,000 of credit available to me at 0% APR, CD savings accounts open, at 20 I was going to set up an IRA retirement account and I had my credit cards PAID IN FULL before the end of every month. I had them all Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express, along with it I had a 750 credit score. Not bad for a teenager huh?

Well, with all of that jazz I had a lot of demons running my life, a lot of misery and unhappiness. I used to ask myself while slaving away at a shitty job(I had plenty of them) "What would I do if _____________(fill in the blank with a dollar amount)dollars fell into my lap today free and clear?" When I'd ask others this question they would tell me I was dreaming and why bother thinking of hypothetical situations that COULD NEVER HAPPEN! This came from the same people who told me I would never make $16+ dollars an hour with a GED and yet at 18 years old, what was I doing? That's right, making more than the naysayers. While asking this question I would go with amounts as low as $5,000 to 5 million dollars. The first thing that came to mind was never to pay debt because I simply didn't have any but I always thought about the things I wanted to buy. One time it was a 2003 Mercury Marauder muscle car for $13,000, another time it was buying the company I worked for so I could fire my boss and promote the assistant manager who had been there 20 years and was more qualified to run the show, not to mention give her a proper amount of pay($12 an hour after 20 years is an insult!). I quickly realized that I had nothing driving me in any healthy directions. As I sank further into a depression and stress within the chemical and trucking businesses I had been working with in 2006 and 2007 I quickly realized something needed to be done. I needed to get out of the chemical business and try something different.

I signed up for a class at the local college on "Chakra Energy" where I learned about the energy points in the body, this lead me to being certified in Reiki, which is an energy healing remedy which also lead to me leaving my therapist(who I had been going to for over a year and spending thousands with at the time)after only one Reiki session and looking into holistic medicine and healing.

In early 2008 while at a Reiki share someone had mentioned Sedona, Arizona so as many of you know I felt called there so on June 6th 2008 I quit my job of over $16 per hour with a earning potential of $80,000 a year after a short period of time(without a college degree mind you)to set off for Arizona. On the night of June 23rd 2008(the same day another freedom fighter George Carlin died)I headed West for the first time and anyone who knows me knows how the rest of this story goes....

Fast forward a few years through all kinds of light, darkness, love, loss, travel, good choices and not so bright ones I am staring down a different path. When I left the dispatcher job in June 2008 I also left my attitude towards money with it and granted, the economy hadn't quite started to collapse yet until about a month later. I thought about it "had I stayed there would I have been laid off?", I knew however when I rolled into the Badlands in South Dakota for the first time that I had made the right choice to leave and...well...go West young man.

Why do I believe I made good money before 2009? Why do I believe that 9 out of 10 jobs I have I don't apply for but they find me and the boss/owner almost ALWAYS offers me work instead of me asking for a job? Why do I believe that even in 2009 after my attitude towards money changed I still made $8,000 from a job that I only worked 2-3 nights a week for 4-6 hours at because the pay ranged from $75 a night to $250 a night that I still made money? Because I never believed in two key things that I started to believe in 2009...

1. Money is Evil, those who embrace and endorse it are Evil.

2. Money and financial abundance is scarce.

At 19 years old when I first started making $16.50 per hour I always believed that people received $2 an hour pay raises for every year they worked no matter the job, I thought that companies and corporations gave a shit about people..I was looking at the world through rose colored glasses but those glasses kept me oblivious which kept the negativity away about making money. I also had no spiritual direction so I bought into the dream "Make money, get married, buy a house, get the white picket fence, die a week after retirement."...that didn't last very long.


In the current time of October 2011 and over the past few years I found myself in credit card debt. In 2010 I still carried some debts from 2008 and 2009 and had it racked up to over $10,000 with 3 different companies. In late 2010 I worked for $8.25 per hour at a job I didn't like sometimes for 21 days straight with lots of OT(which isn't shit at $12 per hour OT rate)just to pay my cards down. By the time I left Illinois in January 2011 my credit card debt was down to $1,500 and my cash in hand was about $5,000 plus I owned a car. Not too bad eh?

I knew this year was going to be challenging and I knew it was going to be difficult for me to clear my karma but I was determined to do it. I didn't know when I was going to be working again after I arrived at my friends in California this January but I knew I wanted to do something entrepreneurial. I purchased a second phone and printed off some business cards to advertise myself as a photographer. The Universe had other plans for me though, it very clearly told me one name and one command(James Earl Jones voice and all!) "go see Sara".

So, after the whole ordeal with Sara went down and I found myself for the first time in almost 10 years ready to blow my brains out I was starting to ask the question "How do I get through this shit so I don't have to keep doing it?" and it became very clear that I needed to heal my thoughts and feelings about myself, my dad and her...and of course that was just a start.

As I sit here in October 2011 looking at my two remaining credit cards which are maxed out at over $14,000 which is my highest debt I've had to date, the interest is high(9% and 14%)which I've never had over 0% and my still immaculate credit score of 750(which didn't get me anything when I tried to use it for loans and more credit in 2010)I am looking at a radical change.

Citi, Chase and many other banks that I do not do business with have used tax payer money which I, along with millions of others have paid taxes for to "bail out" their financial institutions, give their CEO's and CFO's billions of dollars of money in bonuses and keep taking and taking from the American people.

I have never had a late payment, never been unable to make more than my minimal payment, never had an interest rate, never had this much debt and when I look at my cash in hand and see the $293 MINIMAL payment asked of me by Citi and Chase this month my mind can't help but recall... "wait, I already paid them the money I owe them through them taking my tax payer dollars when I was employed or anytime I buy a stick of gum, pump gas or eat a cheeseburger and then they take that money from the government who they are in bed with that is supposed to be watching out for my best interest...hmm, do I feel bad for considering not paying them?" Not. One. Bit.

To go from the "responsible customer" who always paid in full, on time with the high credit rating to the "perfect customer" who they will not see another penny from, who will not make another payment with the high credit debt is a huge cross road that I am at and I wonder why it is I feel hesitant to do this.

Am I afraid they can garnish my wages? What wages, I'm unemployed!

Am I afraid that my credit score will get ruined? What is it good for anyways? I tried to use it for loans and was denied!

Am I afraid that it will effect my chances of getting a job? Any job that wants to run my credit I wouldn't want.

Am I afraid that because I borrowed the money that no matter how evil and dirty they want to be and even if they take my tax money that I may feel like I still owe them the money I used? ..Now we are on to something. I do feel responsible to pay it seeing as to how I don't like to owe anybody anything.

I am walking a thin line here, a line that once it is crossed there truly is no going back. Once the credit is shut off, the score plunges and I refuse(or are unable)to make payment my damn good credit history will become history.

Without credit I wouldn't have been able to fund all of the things I felt I needed to do spiritually over the past few years and now that I've rediscovered the value of money and I know I am capable of going from $0 to $6000000000000(lord knows I do it with women, why not money? haha!)because I did it before and now that I am driven by Light, helping others with my funds, wanting to do good works and invest in projects and things I believe in I feel that I will be supported with my decision to make the move towards a conscious attitude.

If our world wasn't driven by greed people would be able to live freer, I do accept the fact that I chose to use the credit cards and I also admit that some of the purchases were foolish, we all make mistakes just look at the banks, they do it all the time! Pissing off the masses by taking their money will only go over for so long, then rebellion starts.

When I run into a large sum of money, I may decide to pay Chase and Citi back with interest(if they're still around and the world still revolves around greed) but until that large amount has been received I have to say that the credit card companies may not be receiving anything from me for a long time to come.


It's not about weather or not they robbed me and everyone else cause an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind but survival is survival and I'm not interested in giving Vikram Pandit and Jamie Dimon a $14,000 bonus this year.

A $14,000 surplus can feed a whole lot of people or buy a whole lot of cardboard to make cardboard signs for the Occupy Wall Street protestors.

Goodbye Citi and Chase.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: San Jose, California 2011