After 2 months on San Juan Island I had come to realize that I was feeling stuck and needed to do some adventuring to get some perspective on where my life is at and where it is heading. All this change, highs and lows has caused a lot of turmoil in my life in the past few months. I started feeling trapped on the island since I hadn't left it(outside of going to Orcas Island)since I arrived on a rainy night of the soul in late March. I decided to take the ferry to Anacortes and drive to Mount Vernon/Burlington to take care of some business. After feeling an incredible energy shock of the negative energies of Mt Vernon/Burlington I decided to get online on my new iPod touch and see where I wanted to head.
I tossed around the idea of going to North Cascades National Park in Washington but ended up feeling like I should drive towards Bellingham. By the time I reached Bellingham I realized I was going to head to Vancouver, British Columbia. So onto Canada I went...
US Customs:
US Customs tossed my van while detaining me in a stainless steel room for about 10 minutes. They actually didn't rip everything apart and were very personable, the one guy was even talking about Friday Harbor with me. As most of you know the idea of borders on our planet always annoys me and I find it stupid, however in the world we currently occupy I will say that the US Customs didn't treat me like shit this time like they did in Detroit. Must be better to live in the West than Mid-west ;p
Canada Customs:
I had to stop at a teller booth and declare the bananas I was bringing over the border and then pull over for what I thought was going to be another vehicle inspection but turned out to be me getting questioned while they ran my background. The guy asked me if I smoked weed a few times, asked me why I don't smoke it and I decided this is my chance to fuck with him so I replied. "It blows holes in your aura, screws with your spirit and if I wasted money on that I wouldn't be able to travel!" to which he looked at me and inquired as to what an aura was haha!
He did tell me though that he could have rejected me for not having proof of income or enough cash funds on me, he suggested that I could decide to live in my van in Canada as an "illegal alien" and work for cash therefore frauding the tax system and he could get in trouble, in other words I'd be like a Mexican in Canada! ;D So he asked me how would he know I wasn't going to do that and I told him I don't have any proof so he asked again to which I replied "I can't prove it, you'll have to use your intuition, obviously it's your choice." He decided to let me through but suggested next time I print out a bank statement or bring more cash. Note taken.
Vancouver: I pulled into Vancouver around midnight and found a 24 hour McDonalds McCafe(which I haven't seen in the states), as soon as I parked behind the building right up against an alleyway I knew that was where I was going to stay the night. I went in, had some "food" and used the free wifi with my iPod for a while before returning to the van. It was noisier than sleeping at Angies and really gave me a greater appreciation for sleeping on a peaceful piece of land like Angies however for a big city it wasn't as noisy as any of the places I stayed in Phoenix or Portland. I woke up in the middle of the night with a nosebleed and spitting up blood(probably from eating McDonalds haha)and this morning for the 3rd night in a row was so dizzy I felt like I was gonna fall over(therefore it must not just be the land in Friday Harbor like a few of us suspected).
The gas station and McDonalds employers in Vancouver drove brand new 3 series BMW's. The people were all incredibly friendly and the lady even said "Greetings, what would you like today?" I saw maybe 5 white people in Vancouver the rest were Asian and middle-eastern. Vancouver was a typical big city though it's energy was much like Seattle being that it was decent for a big city, I suppose. I decided to head off for Vancouver Island this morning.
Vancouver Island/Victoria: I arrived at the ferry just in time to take it over to Sidney. From there I headed down to Victoria which proved to be a waste of time(but being a traveler I was curious). Victoria is a touristy city with good energy but just like Vancouver, it's a city none the less and was kind've stale and boring. I am currently at the Starfucks in Nanaimo, BC which is a smaller scale Victoria-ish suburb. The weather was nice until about 50 kilometers back where it started pouring.
I've never liked spring. I can't wait until summer gets here. I have monitored a few other things other than my tolerance for the weather since I have left Friday Harbor. Traveling is no longer giving the "quick hit to the vein" it used to that pacified my inner turmoil, however seeing some sort of mountains here on the BC island does lift me. I miss the mountains soooooo much! I'm tired of the rolling hills, grasslands and valleys. The suburbs of Canada are almost as bad as the ones in the states. Burlington and Mt Vernon, WA felt awful after the first 30 minutes of getting adjusted back to normal society and feeling like being in a foreign country I noticed my intuition was correct. If I have it my way, I would never live in the suburbs again let alone desire to drive through them unless I have to. My feelings toward the city haven't changed much either. I'm heading towards Tofino, BC which is the west coast of Vancouver Island and I cannot wait to see it!
Though I only slept about 5 hours last night I do feel a bit of burnout. Maybe it's the northwest weather, energy and scenery? Maybe I'm burned out on travel? Maybe my inner turmoil needs releasing? Maybe it's all of the above or none of the above?
This spring has felt like rock bottom of my life, so I'm guessing it can only get better from here. In many ways I feel a hell of a lot better than the last time I sat in a Starbucks in Portland in a lot of pain. Being on SJI and welcomed by Angela and her corner of the world on the island has helped accelerate the healing process for which I am grateful. However, I won't lie and say I can't wait until this transformation kind've smoothes out and turns into the next phase. I'm so exhausted with living so often the past 10 years it has to get better from here. I find my sensitivity not triggering as badly here in Canada either, maybe I'm just starting to not care how fucked up the world is? After all as everyone has been telling me for years now, you can't change the whole world. At this point I'm looking for a sign, for something...the same searching I have been doing for years, the same thing that brought me to the road. The road felt like my sanctuary, now it's starting to feel like an aggravation, I'd like to buy a horse and covered wagon and live with Native Americans in the desert that live under the traditional customs. Welcomed back to where I feel I belong...does that place even exist anymore in this world of borders, Walmarts and capitalism? The more I see of this world the harder it becomes to accept.
I am walking the tightrope between cashing in my check and coming out of this transformed. My mission statement/New Years Resolution for 2011 was "Reinvention, Rebirth, Responsibility" but I feel I am losing my ability in that actually happening. I feel it's time to surrender and let the Universe do the driving again, maybe this time it won't lead me to another disastrous situation like the ones that have occurred over and over again since last summer.
Now that I've purged that, my energy feels better. I am having an experience and for that I am thankful. Better days ahead!
Onward to Tofino, Canada!
Written: Naniamo, British Columbia, Canada 2011
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