The time to hit the road is again upon me! I will be rolling off on my latest "tour" which I'm calling the "Faith & Gasoline Trip 2011". Lots of gasoline and faith will be needed for this journey, or perhaps a lot of faith and little gasoline? We will see! This is the first time I have traveled without a finishing point on a longer road trip. While I am nervous I am also excited to see what happens! I have been on San Juan Island in Washington for almost 3 months now and my stay has been filled with all kinds of emotion and energy.
On SJI I have seen probably about 50 eagles, foxes, bats, deer, rabbits and loads of other animals that are magical. I have forgotten what stoplights and modern consumerism looks like. I came up here to heal and grow further. My lovely friend Angela took this young sailor in from the rain and it has been quite a ride since then! I want to write a brief review of my opinion on the island.
PROs
Meeting Angela(which I always felt I would do sooner or later!)
Getting on island time
Almost no corporatism
No stoplights
Peaceful and beautiful
Able to heal quicker than in places like where I came from originally
CONs
Food in Friday Harbor!(I haven't had good ethnic food in MONTHS!)
Inconsistent weather
Slight case of island fever
No mountains
No southwest vibes
San Juan Island/Friday Harbor are unlike ANYWHERE I've ever been though and that is a huge positive in my book. Overall I have enjoyed my stay here though I haven't been in the best spirits, but thanks to Angela I have had a chance to come here to heal and now is the time to roll on down the highway!
As I move forward the possibilities of places to visit are endless! Rainbow Gathering, Seattle, Oregon 101 coast, Redwood Forest, San Fran, Lake Tahoe, Denver, Sedona, Taos, Utah, Monument Valley etc, etc, etc!! Most importantly the place I am looking to visit is the place within. I have been feeling that this insane transformation will start to round out around Sept/Oct so I'm looking forward to this summer being one full of wonder and further transformation.
Each day I work on letting go of my past and letting go of the things that have hurt me. I want the world to heal and ever since I stepped on that wagon the Universe has been trying to get me to obey saying "WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST, ZAC!" and I fought that for a few years before deciding to jump into it.
So I survived the mess down in the desert as I went into this spring, I found a way to rise above the ashes like the Phoenix after leaving the city by the very same name. Without the love, patience, understanding and help of loved ones it would have been a bumpier ride.
My anger and pain that has driven my ego and given me a song to sing has not been serving me and I am in the final stages of uprooting and releasing these emotions. I picture myself in a world where I wake up in the morning and all of the chaos in my life was part of a different chapter.
I see myself stronger, alive and more complete. My life has evolved so much and while I feel like many things have stayed the same I am getting there slowly but surely. I let the situation with Sara knock me off my rocker and realized that this cannot and will not keep happening to me. I have had it with handing my power over but at times still feel trapped between submission and the power of rage. Thats why this up and coming adventure I call "Faith & Gasoline" will have no choice but to run on at least one of those and probably the other. Faith will be necessary and gasoline will only be required if I decide to continue down this path in the van.
Money needs to manifest and while I'm still not certain it's out there in this economy nor am I sure I want to go back to the traditional grind we will see what can happen.
I am scared to leave this rock, to leave Angela's but I have learned that each time I do this it gets easier. Saying goodbye has *always* been hard for me(feels like it connects to abandonment issues from my childhood)and I have said goodbye many times this year to many loved ones in many places. Some of my choosing, others not of my choosing and either way it's been difficult but reality.
The greatest moments come before the leap as you look back at where you just came from and what comes right after the leap when you realize that without the faith you held you would diminish into fear. The act of the leap itself is the most beautiful part. Every time I leap I then reap all of the rewards. It hasn't always ended up pleasant but it's always ended up necessary and most of the time it's met with great reward!
Until next time...
Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011
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