Conversation With a Police Officer: Compassion & Reverence

Below is a few excerpts from an email exchange between me and a police officer in Will County, Illinois who at one time was my partner, a person with a hell of a lot of integrity and heart. Someone I learned a lot from but someone I feared was misguided by the system. The emails exchanged contained more than just the following but this is specific to the 99% movement going on across the world so I took out the parts that were important. I have re-read the emails and there are typos that will not be corrected, this is verbatim.

After putting together these pieces of the email I once again was able to soften my resentment and disgust with the police. While this does not excuse the behavior of the police in New York City, Phoenix or anywhere else that they have used their position of power to abuse the freedoms, ideals and bodies of the public it certainly has hit a bit of a reset button on my compassion for them and reminded me that they are people too and may need more guidance, love and light than any other person during this time of great change in our world. They are the next people whose hearts we have to light up before we can get to the military or to the 1% that need the most love of all. The Universe softened me in San Francisco yesterday as I marched side by side with the police who were there to contain us on the right side of the street, for some of them I felt their fear, for others I felt their ego and unwillingness to allow the higher self to come through. Today I received an email from a loved one which I no longer speak with on a regular basis(she must have been the "returning old friend or loved one" from the 2 tarot cards and fortune cookie the other day)and through our exchange, my compassion expanded. I am thankful to her and to the Universe for assisting me in expanding the things I am asking for assistance with.

Here is the exchange...



Her: Your profile picture interested me. I see you next to a marine protesting. I'm glad you are getting out there! I can't read the signs though... the picture is too small. what/where was the protest? how did it turn out. how did you feel doing it and after?






Me: I am not sure if you have heard of the "Occupy Together" movement yet or the 99%(though I have a feeling being pretty socially conscious and a police officer you have, I've seen Joliet has had Occupy Joliet protests)but that is what the protest was. October 15th 2011 was a worldwide day titled "O15 Occupy The World" where people protested in over 1,000 cities on every continent(cept Antarctica)and in over 85 countries. The movement started on Wall St in NYC on Sept 17th and is an ongoing protest that has spread worldwide and will not stop until things change or the system collapses. The 99% movement is great because it's a blend of all types of people, hence the picture of me with the marine veteran. I personally like to thank soldiers who wear their uniforms to the protests(especially in NYC, where the NYPD has been brutally assaulting protestors)because we need the regimented police and military types to wake up and realize they are part of us and not the 1%(unless they choose to be). Basically, everything I have wanted to see come to life over the past few years is starting to. Soldiers from all of the branches assembled in NYC on Wall St in uniform and gathered together when the NYPD were pepper spraying peaceful protestors saying "let's see the police pepper spray a military veteran, that would be a good thing for the public to see on the news" people are fed up, the police are just afraid but the more we greet them with love and gratitude it will assist them in waking up and that's the way we can show them they are part of the 99%. Another good example was in Phoenix where 100 riot officers surrounded 40 peaceful protestors and started pepper spraying them and the protestors just chanted "we love you" as they were being pepper sprayed, it's all coming to a head. The marines sign says "The 99% is waking up and we are taking our country BACK!" also says "End the Fed" and "Welcome to the Revolution". My sign is a quote from Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" essay. I decided to align myself with the protest march in San Francisco for the O15 Occupy the World event because here in San Jose the movement was smaller. San Francisco's federal reserve bank is the biggest on the west coast and is in charge of the money for California and about 10 other states plus Guam, American Samoa and the Mariana Islands. We marched on the SF federal reserve then to city hall and marched on city hall, then back to the camp where people are sleeping and able to eat donated food, etc. The SF police were overall very civil with us for this particular march(with a few asshole officers, of course. I watched one try to run over 2 guys from Italy on their motorcycle)and the protestors were peaceful and I don't believe any arrests were made yesterday both just or unjust so that's good. We marched on Well's Fargo headquarters, Chase, Bank of America and US Bank too on the way back to camp. Thousands of people, I may be on the OccupySF website front page or videos cause I was right next to the people who were giving speeches on the megaphones on the steps of city hall(so if you see a dude in an orange bandana then you know who it is). The 99% movement is a very liberal movement but not a Democrat or leftist movement. It's liberal in the definition of the world seperate from the political ties just people who are simply tired of the status quo(though the Tea Party and right wing media has tried to label us as liberal, welfare loving hippies)I first hand have seen people of all ages, political and religious views out there saying "fuck you" to Wall St, the banks and telling the US gov(or gov's of the other countries) "if you won't fix the problem, we will." I say, come what may.


Her:
That movement sounds awesome! I'm going to have to look into it. I've actually had some interesting conversation with a few people I work with about this. Most of them believe that there will be some kind of civil war coming because they can feel the changes going on. Surprisingly, there have been some who are enlightened enough like me that they feel conflicted about their roll in all of this should some upheaval occur. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you are doing something meaningful and you are making a difference like you always wanted.





Me: I too believe there may be a civil war between the classes based on wealth. That's why I believe it's important to help the police and military that aren't able to see through the BS they were sold on so they can embrace their authentic self and the side they are really on. I'd like to see the 1% and 99% unite but weve been shown time and time again that those in power will not relinquish it without it being taken. I think this grassroots movement is starting in a very healthy way but I think as time goes on tolerance for police brutality and government lies will be less and less tolerated, I'm hoping the protestors don't get violent(even though the police clearly have) but as I said before, come what may and whatever needs to happen will happen. Can't have vegetables to feed people or animals and sustain life without water. Can't have sunshine with the rain so to speak.

You wanting to be a cop has presented an interesting dynamic to my personal growth, I always pictured us being able to unite somehow in a protest but I always knew it may be hard decision to make for a police officer with integrity to be a go between for the movement and the police line while in uniform. I think ultimately the police will have to decide if they want to continue to serving the evil powers or join the side they are actually part of, it's an interesting fragmentation for sure. I think many police officers just believe that we as a species cannot self govern, I believe we can and though I think that's a bit down the pipe of evolution for now, I do see it happening, we have after all come this far and there is a huge spiritual awakening taking place behind all of this. I think the cops who want to march around and abuse their power driven by their ego will take the protests personally and end up aligning with the "bad guys" in the long run and police/military who are good hearted, maybe scared just like the rest of us and want to serve the public, cops such as yourself will eventually align against Wall St, the corrupt governments and the major corporations. How it will all play out? That's beyond me and until the intuition comes through to our collective human consciousness we will just have to wait.

Everytime I think of you in regards to this protest I always think of the question I asked after we watched "Battle in Seattle". "What will you do when it comes down to the people vs those in power and the police are asked to stand in the way on behalf of those in power?"

I'm not worried that you'll act out of integrity, I don't see you being able to act the way a lot of the NYPD have but I also know of good cops out there other than yourself. I was in NYC on September 11th and the NYPD were very kind to me whenever I needed directions(except one guy), overly polite in fact. I don't know if we were softened by the anniversary but New Yorkers were friendly over all, much different than what I've seen in the protests on Wall St.

I am also happy to hear that some of your co-workers are finding themselves torn should this turn into a civil war style revolution, because the police officers that feel scared of the changes and to go after the corporate government will ultimately choose to do what is right and not exactly what is the law. I don't think there is a good hearted cop in the world right now that isn't conflicted about the revolution that has started. I am flattered by the support of so many different types of people. I have marched with gays, people of all races, young, old, foreigners, anarchists, democrats, republicans, Christians, Muslims, buddhists, businessmen in suits, soldiers, pot smoking hippies, grandmothers, baby boomers, Generation X, Y and Z, lawyers, firemen, city workers(bus drivers and train operators), homeless people and possibly cops(haven't met any personally yet). I cannot wait to see when we have police AND military marching with us IN uniform. I said the following about the protest before I went...


"Those who protested beside Martin Luther King Jr, the Vietnam war, Kent State, Battle in Seattle, all of the cities that protested the Bush war in 2003 and anybody else who ever stood up for what's right October 15th 2011 is YOUR day, it's OUR day, the day for the 99% to march against evil in over 85 countries and over 1000 cities. Today we won't hear the chants of "the whole world is watching" instead, the whole world is PROTESTING!!! I'm off to San Francisco, the road I must travel it's end I cannot see."

That is what is great about this movement, the evil powers that have been doing people wrong for so long have finally fed up and Americans have finally gotten off their asses and made an effective protest that has spread like a wildfire to the rest of the world. Those who look at us as able to lead the globe have felt a sense of being able to do so since America finally stood up. I guess something we as people could learn on a personal, spiritual and social/economical level is to not wait until we are miserable or completely fucked to do something. All of the other protests in the US and the world over the past 40 years have been based on one issue or another, this is a spiritual awakening and revolution for everyone covering everything. The only thing that concerns me is that we may stop because nobody wants this to get violent but truthfully I don't think the 1% are going to give up their charade without some extreme form of civil disobedience. Everything in it's time and I say let them bring it to us and right now with the police brutality that is spreading due to city officials growing impatient with the protests the 1% is bringing it to our front door and starting the fight through the police. Next will be the military(like they did at Kent State and Seattle in 1999)and then the divide will happen. Authority figures of the 99% with a conscience will have revelations and realize that it's okay to be afraid and that the true power of a person isn't based on order, structure, ridgid guidelines, badges, guns or uniforms. I can't wait until this all comes to a head!! A better world for everyone!!

As for me making a difference the years of 2009 and 2010 were meant to be very politically/socially charged for me. It's why I met you, why I educated myself on a lot of the political BS and trying to see if I identified with the Democrats or Republicans and in all of this I learned a lot about the golden rule. I was just shocked and felt betrayed through 09 and 10 about all of the stuff I was uncovering, I knew about corruption but didn't realize how deep it ran. Now, I'm able to come at it with a passion. I consider passion to be a love of something mixed with rage over something you want to see improve. A blend of the negative and positive emotions...how it discharges from the soul is up to the individual.



Written: San Jose, California 2011

The Colors Within, The Colors Without

Anybody who has known me since at least 2008 knows how much it meant to me to be able to leave corporate-America in early 2008 and let my hair down(literally)and hit the road to explore the West! Some of my favorite companions over the past 3 years of travel have been my long hair blowing in the wind, my bandanas that keep it from blowing in my face, my sandals and of course..my tye dyes.

Today I pay tribute to the departure of the "tye dye generation" as I donated my remaining 2 tye dyes to the thrift store.(the green one met the trash can the first night of my relocation from Illinois in 2011 full of holes it was hard to let it go, but new beginnings require freshness)

Maybe some other young man here in California who aspires to find himself by going EAST can find some use in the remaining 2 tye dyes?

I was never a hippie(but was called it often)but for whatever reason I felt a connection to all three shirts for some reason. I felt each one expressed a different side of my inner expression, it was the first time I wore clothes proudly but sometime after Spring of 2011 I put them on and they didn't seem to light me up anymore. Time to move on.

For whatever reason I have outgrown the tye dyes but they will always be a memorable outward expression of the colors I felt deep inside as I journeyed into the powerful wild West.

=:) THANK YOU for all the color, tye dyes!

Written: San Jose, California 2011

The 99%: A New Paradigm

Today was a game changer for me, after playing the credit card and credit score game since I turned 17 I finally made the call and told them I wouldn't be able to pay this months payment. The phone call went something like the following...

Me: "I'm sorry, I cannot pay this months payment nor do I know when I will be able to make another payment. What happens now?"

Chase Banker(from some middle eastern country): "Do you have any kind of income? Disability? Unemployment?"

Me: "No, nothing. I'm essentially homeless."

Chase Banker: "You're authorized for a CREDIT LINE INCREASE, would you like to increase your credit limit, sir?"

Me: "*Long Silence*....uhh, are you serious?.."

Chase Banker: "It's showing that you qualify for a credit line increase, are you interested, sir?"

Me: "I cannot pay and don't know when I will be able to, is this a joke?"

Chase Banker: "No, sir."

Me: "No, but thanks anyway."

Chase Banker: "Are you interested in re-applying for Chase reward points?"

Me: "No *wondering if she processed me telling her I cannot pay yet*"

Chase Banker: "I can transfer you to our hardship department but they may close your account, is that ok?"

Me: "Absolutely."


Afterwards I was transferred to an American account specialist who told me they couldn't do much for me(which I knew would be the case, they can take our money but can't do much else for us). What I learned in all of this mess and this being the second time I've carried a debt but this time with interest and the inability to pay for the first time is to not play the systems game, period. I built up a reputable credit score of 750 because I was doing what society told me was right and when I needed to cash in on my credit score for more credit or loans I was given a BS loan percent of 36%(thats what they give people with bad credit, mine is excellent)and denied more credit(for the first time after 20 something cards over the past 7 years).


I was able to find my higher self and passion on the road over the past 4 years and afford my travels because...

A. I busted my ass at soul stripping corporate jobs and saved my money.(If I were to go back to make more of this money my stripped soul would need another 4 years on the road to realign and find itself again)

B. I used my credit responsibly only when I tried to go back to Corporate America after stepping on the spiritual path I found that I couldn't, then after the Great Depression 2 hit hard in 2009 I found myself unable to be ambitious about making money yet I still payed all of my debts on time, in full and with 0% interest.

I will pay the money I owe Chase and Citi but I refuse to do soul stripping work or take money out of my pocket to survive or thrive, paying them is my last priority and taking care of myself is first. They have done nothing to help the American people and have only taken from them unjustly. Upon clearing my credit debts I refuse to do further business with banking institutions. This includes credit cards, loans, financing of any kind, checking and savings accounts.

Logically, they fucked us all over and they charge way too much interest and do not help the people.

Intuitively, I do not trust any of them, not one bit.

Spiritually, I feel responsible to pay my debts to them to keep with my integrity, regardless of how dirty and evil they have decided to play, regardless of the fact they have taken both my income tax money and sales tax money to give to their criminal friends in the Corporate Government but after they are paid, I wash my hands of the banking system until some integrity is brought to the banking system(and I'm not convinced that will ever happen, though anything is possible).

This comes from one soul who is doing their best to align with spirit and the Light suggests that I do what I can to go off and stay off the grid after clearing my debts. The banking industry is run by evil, why would I involve myself with them?

The best we can do in "the greatest country in the world" is encourage people to follow the system that is in place which keeps people from following their intuition and therefore MAKING THE WORLD A TRULY BETTER PLACE? It encourages us to work for low wages or just go to an institution of higher learning to make more money but buy the debt of the education first, in times older but wiser than ours people were called to their life's work, it wasn't something that was sold like it is nowadays to college students. Sadly, between doing soul stripping work and living on credit I was able to follow a lot of my dreams as a young adult but now the gas tank is running dry and though I'm grateful to have been able to do it(grateful to the Universe), there has to be a better way to get people to the places they are called to be on a physical, emotional, spiritual, mental and societal level. What is next for us?

The "American Dream" was, is and always will be a lie.

Consumerism has got us where we are.

My parents generation was bought cheap by consumerist corporate America.

My generation and those after me are following in the footsteps of our parents decisions and will have to pay for the mistakes of those before us and unless we change, we will pass it on to our children.

Would this world not be better off driven by Spirit rather than ego?

This is our time of realizing our karma and doing something about it as individuals and as a world.

America is a young country of old ideas, America needs to flow with it's natural evolution or it will die off. If America refuses to evolve, then let it die so something better and more aligned with the Light can take it's place.

This IS spiritual warfare.

What side are you on?

I dream of a world where the 1% and 99% are able to accept their place together to complete the whole of 100%. Karma will balance, it always does.

I am (we are) the 99%.


Written: San Jose, California 2011

Pick Your Poison: The American Diet

SEX, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, TELEVISION...Food?...

Many of us suffer from addiction at some point in our lives. For some it's a late night at the bar, others enjoy their wake and bake and some can't get enough of that "tender lovin'" and let's not forget about those who know their favorite TV characters as if it was a member of the family, but what about food? Yeah, food...or shall we call it "food" cause it isn't really food, it's not the stuff our ancestors grew up with but it is highly addictive. Meet the culprits...

Sugar, Salt and Fat. The 3 key players of the American Diet along with preservatives, chemicals, artificial sweetners and a bunch of names I cannot pronounce.


Here's my story...


In 2008 I stopped eating meat and sugary foods instantly one night and continued that theme for 8 consecutive months. My motivation for eliminating meat was strictly due to a touching documentary I had watched in a hotel room one night entitled "Earthlings". The video showed the horrors of what animals have to endure to serve us, including food. Enraged at my own species for yet another insensitive act towards life I went meat free. I attempted to eat the horrible meat substitutes(such as Morningstar)but never found myself able to cover up the horrible taste. I never liked vegetables much either so I wasn't exactly a vegetarian, I found myself living mostly on forcing myself to eat(but usually not enjoy)vegetables, seeds, nuts, fruit, tea and water. I noticed how much better I had felt choosing not to eat meat, drink soda or engage in fast food(outside of some bean burritos from Taco Bell and veggie subs at Subway)but it wasn't long before my anger at the world ignited when I started to first learn of how corrupt and horrible our species can be through societal ways and politics and with that anger came helplessness to effecting change and with that came fear. With fear came vice and yes with vice came bad dieting decisions. After 8 months of eating clean and meat free I indulged in a McDonald's Big Mac(talk about going from 0 to 60, I'm good at doing that! lol), short of almost wanting to puke at the disgusting taste and grease that lined my mouth and the stomach pains that came with it I decided not to eat anything else like that...for a little while.


In 2005 I had went soda, corn syrup and coffee free for nearly 3 months, it was great! When I had my first soda after 3 months(a liter of Cherry Coke)I noticed how awful the acidity was along with the thick syrupy taste.

When things get rough or the stress hits hard(and sometimes not so hard)people have many choices of sinful vices that do not serve their higher good. I've known people who use alcohol, marijuana, ecstacy, acid, sex or pornography and of course my drug of choice, "food".


I can't really call it food because what I, along with a majority of the modern world eat on a daily basis is hardly considered food. So, how is it that something so bad for a person can taste so good? How can a person who has overcome sugar, fat, salt, factory meat and fast food before find themselves saying inside conscious "this is killing you, don't eat it!" but feeling unable to not eat it? I'm not entirely sure but I do listen to the voice within that lets me know something isn't right.

My vice isn't illegal, there isn't any DUI or jailtime for "having a dimebag" and if anything it is highly encouraged by our culture, everywhere I go there is cheap "food" that is usually made fast which makes it hard to resist. Let's look at some facts about me when it comes to eating..

My mother was a bad cook and generally made bad food for dinner such as frozen chicken patties with mac and cheese, oftentimes as late as 9PM right before bed. I believe this is why I associate in my mind "eating out ALWAYS taste better than home cooked" yet I've had good homecooked food at other peoples houses, just never in my own life as a youngster.

I do not like to cook and I do not want to wait for my food to be made. Waiting 5 minutes in line or at the drive thru window at Jack in the Box or Taco Bell is hell for me, I generally never know what I want to eat until 10 minutes before I eat it, I'm not much of a planner with food and I don't like to wait.

When I had money I would usually lean towards places like Subway, Panera or Chipotle seeing them as a cleaner option on many levels to Burger King, Wendys or McDonalds.

I have known how it is not to crave "food" when I was no longer eating it.

I go to the grocery store and 95% of what I see is not food. The vegetables and fruits have been covered with pesticides or have been sitting on a shelf and losing their enzymes to the point where these contaminated plants and fruits are essentially about as bad as a microwave dinner.

Jobs I have had were big on pressuring people to work through their lunch breaks with threatening to fire people who wouldn't play the game, this lead to plenty of $1 hot dog stops at the gas station or microwave meals.

This year I have blimped up and sugared out quite a bit after some of the not-so-fun experiences during winter. By the time I arrived on San Juan Island I was eating candy nearly everyday and though I wanted to stay away from junk food I found it comforting in such a down point of my life. The good thing about SJI was they had no fast food establishments however the bad thing was all of the restaurants were overpriced and horrible as was the grocery store. I've been to 48 states and SJI takes the cake for worst food choices I've encountered. Since I have left it's back to mostly fast food or processed grocery store food as usual.

As a young man who is almost 25 I look at some hard facts along with some questions...

Diabetes runs with the men in my family

I cannot afford to eat or buy local or organic, it's simply too expensive, I can hardly afford to eat off the dollar menu, this was no different when I was making $36,000 a year

What will be the cost to pay for the damage I have already done to my body?

Will I ever be able to afford to eat REAL food?

Will our society in it's limited selection continue to offer REAL food?

What sense does it make to eat Walmart's depleted veggies and fruit that is usually banged up, pesticide sprayed and flavorless when its just as bad for me by the time I buy it as a chicken sandwich from Wendys?

How do I teach myself to cook when I find it to be the one thing I'd rather pay someone else to do above anything else?

I have considered trading my vice for others(such as cigarette smoking which I have seen curbs the appetite in some)but I find the others to be more expensive, more disgusting and oftentimes illegal.

Even IF I had the money and resources to eat real food(which I don't), how do I stop the sugar, salt and fat addictions? How do I maintain a well balanced diet when I do not enjoy eating vegetables? What do I do when I know my body, taste buds and soul craves a peach more than a bag of Skittles but I reach for the Skittles first? What happens when I want to take my meat intake down to nearly nothing but do not enjoy the substitutes?...

Tacos, pizza, chinese, occasionally a hot dog or burger, candy....

...What happens when the only thing I enjoy eating anymore is stuff that is bad for me...


..What happens when one no longer picks their poison, but their poison picks them?..

...I ask because this is what has happened to me.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)

Written: San Jose, California 2011

OCCUPY: San Jose

Today I decided to take a stroll down to city hall in San Jose, California for the on going "Occupy San Jose" rally.

200 E. Santa Clara St.
San Jose California

I was there during a very quiet moment more or less for protesting but we still had the horns of the cars honking as they passed by along with people on bicycles and on foot asking questions and even a reporter interviewing us.

There were firetrucks, city buses, gang bangers in their lowriders, people in BMW's, souped up Mustangs, mini vans, company trucks, lots of vehicles transporting people from all walks of life honking at the Occupy San Jose movement in support.

A professor from the local college was unable to spend time in support of the movement because he had too many papers to grade so instead he decided to buy each and every protestor that wanted a burrito from the local Mexican restaurant "El Sabroso" across the street from city hall to show his support of the "Occupy Together" movement. I refused a burrito but later went in there after a few hours of protesting and realized that the burritos were going for nearly $6 and while that is not a bad price for a burrito(and they were good!)it does add up to buy roughly 40 people a meal. I felt it to be a good gesture of the human heart and it was much appreciated from the protestors.

I personally stood on the intersection of Santa Clara and 5th for about 2 hours and waved at the supporters as they drove by honking. We did not have any interaction with the police while I was there and though there have been threats to arrest protestors who are camping overnight, that hasn't seemed to stop anybody from doing so and no arrests have been reported. Some say "Police are part of the 99% too", I figure we have to find a way to get them on our side sooner or later!

I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and have been considering going again a few times until I leave San Jose. I am interested in checking out the other "Occupy Together" movements in other places across the World(yes, it has spread to the UK, Canada and even Africa!!)and United States. From small towns to the major cities there are people uprising that are fed up with the Corporate Government and it has become clear after seeing people from all walks of life honking at us in support, the CG doesn't have very many friends to turn to anymore.


The revolution has begun...

Written: San Jose, California 2011

Financial Crossroads: Who Owes Who?

I am at the crossroads yet again, only this time it's a financial one.

Back in 2005, 2006 and 2007 when I was between 17 and 20 years of age I was pretty well off financially. I had $15,000 in the bank at all times, 2 cars at all times which were paid in full(sometimes 3 at once and I've never had a car payment), over $100,000 of credit available to me at 0% APR, CD savings accounts open, at 20 I was going to set up an IRA retirement account and I had my credit cards PAID IN FULL before the end of every month. I had them all Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express, along with it I had a 750 credit score. Not bad for a teenager huh?

Well, with all of that jazz I had a lot of demons running my life, a lot of misery and unhappiness. I used to ask myself while slaving away at a shitty job(I had plenty of them) "What would I do if _____________(fill in the blank with a dollar amount)dollars fell into my lap today free and clear?" When I'd ask others this question they would tell me I was dreaming and why bother thinking of hypothetical situations that COULD NEVER HAPPEN! This came from the same people who told me I would never make $16+ dollars an hour with a GED and yet at 18 years old, what was I doing? That's right, making more than the naysayers. While asking this question I would go with amounts as low as $5,000 to 5 million dollars. The first thing that came to mind was never to pay debt because I simply didn't have any but I always thought about the things I wanted to buy. One time it was a 2003 Mercury Marauder muscle car for $13,000, another time it was buying the company I worked for so I could fire my boss and promote the assistant manager who had been there 20 years and was more qualified to run the show, not to mention give her a proper amount of pay($12 an hour after 20 years is an insult!). I quickly realized that I had nothing driving me in any healthy directions. As I sank further into a depression and stress within the chemical and trucking businesses I had been working with in 2006 and 2007 I quickly realized something needed to be done. I needed to get out of the chemical business and try something different.

I signed up for a class at the local college on "Chakra Energy" where I learned about the energy points in the body, this lead me to being certified in Reiki, which is an energy healing remedy which also lead to me leaving my therapist(who I had been going to for over a year and spending thousands with at the time)after only one Reiki session and looking into holistic medicine and healing.

In early 2008 while at a Reiki share someone had mentioned Sedona, Arizona so as many of you know I felt called there so on June 6th 2008 I quit my job of over $16 per hour with a earning potential of $80,000 a year after a short period of time(without a college degree mind you)to set off for Arizona. On the night of June 23rd 2008(the same day another freedom fighter George Carlin died)I headed West for the first time and anyone who knows me knows how the rest of this story goes....

Fast forward a few years through all kinds of light, darkness, love, loss, travel, good choices and not so bright ones I am staring down a different path. When I left the dispatcher job in June 2008 I also left my attitude towards money with it and granted, the economy hadn't quite started to collapse yet until about a month later. I thought about it "had I stayed there would I have been laid off?", I knew however when I rolled into the Badlands in South Dakota for the first time that I had made the right choice to leave and...well...go West young man.

Why do I believe I made good money before 2009? Why do I believe that 9 out of 10 jobs I have I don't apply for but they find me and the boss/owner almost ALWAYS offers me work instead of me asking for a job? Why do I believe that even in 2009 after my attitude towards money changed I still made $8,000 from a job that I only worked 2-3 nights a week for 4-6 hours at because the pay ranged from $75 a night to $250 a night that I still made money? Because I never believed in two key things that I started to believe in 2009...

1. Money is Evil, those who embrace and endorse it are Evil.

2. Money and financial abundance is scarce.

At 19 years old when I first started making $16.50 per hour I always believed that people received $2 an hour pay raises for every year they worked no matter the job, I thought that companies and corporations gave a shit about people..I was looking at the world through rose colored glasses but those glasses kept me oblivious which kept the negativity away about making money. I also had no spiritual direction so I bought into the dream "Make money, get married, buy a house, get the white picket fence, die a week after retirement."...that didn't last very long.


In the current time of October 2011 and over the past few years I found myself in credit card debt. In 2010 I still carried some debts from 2008 and 2009 and had it racked up to over $10,000 with 3 different companies. In late 2010 I worked for $8.25 per hour at a job I didn't like sometimes for 21 days straight with lots of OT(which isn't shit at $12 per hour OT rate)just to pay my cards down. By the time I left Illinois in January 2011 my credit card debt was down to $1,500 and my cash in hand was about $5,000 plus I owned a car. Not too bad eh?

I knew this year was going to be challenging and I knew it was going to be difficult for me to clear my karma but I was determined to do it. I didn't know when I was going to be working again after I arrived at my friends in California this January but I knew I wanted to do something entrepreneurial. I purchased a second phone and printed off some business cards to advertise myself as a photographer. The Universe had other plans for me though, it very clearly told me one name and one command(James Earl Jones voice and all!) "go see Sara".

So, after the whole ordeal with Sara went down and I found myself for the first time in almost 10 years ready to blow my brains out I was starting to ask the question "How do I get through this shit so I don't have to keep doing it?" and it became very clear that I needed to heal my thoughts and feelings about myself, my dad and her...and of course that was just a start.

As I sit here in October 2011 looking at my two remaining credit cards which are maxed out at over $14,000 which is my highest debt I've had to date, the interest is high(9% and 14%)which I've never had over 0% and my still immaculate credit score of 750(which didn't get me anything when I tried to use it for loans and more credit in 2010)I am looking at a radical change.

Citi, Chase and many other banks that I do not do business with have used tax payer money which I, along with millions of others have paid taxes for to "bail out" their financial institutions, give their CEO's and CFO's billions of dollars of money in bonuses and keep taking and taking from the American people.

I have never had a late payment, never been unable to make more than my minimal payment, never had an interest rate, never had this much debt and when I look at my cash in hand and see the $293 MINIMAL payment asked of me by Citi and Chase this month my mind can't help but recall... "wait, I already paid them the money I owe them through them taking my tax payer dollars when I was employed or anytime I buy a stick of gum, pump gas or eat a cheeseburger and then they take that money from the government who they are in bed with that is supposed to be watching out for my best interest...hmm, do I feel bad for considering not paying them?" Not. One. Bit.

To go from the "responsible customer" who always paid in full, on time with the high credit rating to the "perfect customer" who they will not see another penny from, who will not make another payment with the high credit debt is a huge cross road that I am at and I wonder why it is I feel hesitant to do this.

Am I afraid they can garnish my wages? What wages, I'm unemployed!

Am I afraid that my credit score will get ruined? What is it good for anyways? I tried to use it for loans and was denied!

Am I afraid that it will effect my chances of getting a job? Any job that wants to run my credit I wouldn't want.

Am I afraid that because I borrowed the money that no matter how evil and dirty they want to be and even if they take my tax money that I may feel like I still owe them the money I used? ..Now we are on to something. I do feel responsible to pay it seeing as to how I don't like to owe anybody anything.

I am walking a thin line here, a line that once it is crossed there truly is no going back. Once the credit is shut off, the score plunges and I refuse(or are unable)to make payment my damn good credit history will become history.

Without credit I wouldn't have been able to fund all of the things I felt I needed to do spiritually over the past few years and now that I've rediscovered the value of money and I know I am capable of going from $0 to $6000000000000(lord knows I do it with women, why not money? haha!)because I did it before and now that I am driven by Light, helping others with my funds, wanting to do good works and invest in projects and things I believe in I feel that I will be supported with my decision to make the move towards a conscious attitude.

If our world wasn't driven by greed people would be able to live freer, I do accept the fact that I chose to use the credit cards and I also admit that some of the purchases were foolish, we all make mistakes just look at the banks, they do it all the time! Pissing off the masses by taking their money will only go over for so long, then rebellion starts.

When I run into a large sum of money, I may decide to pay Chase and Citi back with interest(if they're still around and the world still revolves around greed) but until that large amount has been received I have to say that the credit card companies may not be receiving anything from me for a long time to come.


It's not about weather or not they robbed me and everyone else cause an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind but survival is survival and I'm not interested in giving Vikram Pandit and Jamie Dimon a $14,000 bonus this year.

A $14,000 surplus can feed a whole lot of people or buy a whole lot of cardboard to make cardboard signs for the Occupy Wall Street protestors.

Goodbye Citi and Chase.

-Zachary Hill 2011(C)


Written: San Jose, California 2011

On The Backroads: End of an Era

Has it really been over a month since my last journal entry? Wow, time flies.

Well, the month of September saw it's usual tradition of being a month of shifting. My prediction came true(along with a few of my intuitive friends)that things would smooth out on this karmic ride for me this September. This entire month has been part of the "Coast 2 Coast 2011" trip which was taken after the van was in an accident and that dream had been satisfied. The trip started off with me departing Denver via Frontier Airlines en route to Chicago.

Chicago?! Why would you go back there??? I felt pulled to go back and help my parents with their final moments in Illinois and escort them to the wild west. I spent a few days catching up with them in Joliet before blasting off up to Wonder Lake to spend a few days with my grandparents. While in Joliet I also spent some time with my friend Scott(who also did an oil change for me!). I was to drive my step-dads Ford Focus out west for him but not before heading to guess where...yes..the EAST coast!

I drove straight through some crap states(Indiana and Ohio) on to New York where I spent labor day admiring Niagara Falls from both the US and Canadian sides. By the next night I was in Tewksbury, Massachusetts visiting my friend Maureen. The next day I checked out Walden Pond where one of my favorite people lived in the early 1800's, Henry David Thoreau. The next few days Maureen and I took a rode trip up to New Hampshire and Maine. Arriving in Maine saw another state checked off my list bringing me to 47 states visited and another National Park in Acadia.

After nearly a week in New England hanging with Maureen I blasted off for New York City on no other day than the 10th anniversary of September 11th. I parked in lower Manhattan in order to walk the city and get around via the subway. While there I visited the Bronx, Brooklyn, Staten Island, Statue of Liberty, Battery Park, Wall Street, Broadway, Times Square, Central Park and the 9/11 Memorial site where the Twin Towers once stood. NYC has always seemed larger than life and visiting it was larger than life too. I had a good time but I do not care to re-visit for any particular reason, though I wouldn't oppose going back if I had further reason to do so.

After spending the night of September 11th in America's armpit; New Jersey, I decided to head down to Philadelphia and check out the vibe there(along with the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall)and outside of having to go through airport style security at the LIBERTY Bell and INDEPENDENCE Hall Philly took the cake for my favorite east coast city. I then headed into my favorite part of the east coast half of the Coast 2 Coast trip, meeting my friend Trish.

Trish and I met on AOL Instant Messenger chatroom back in 2001 when I was 14 and she was 17. We had also talked on the phone from time to time back then and had been there for one another through some of our first romantic relationships, etc. We did lose touch for a few years during the middle of the 2000's decade but shortly after I went to Ohio in 2008 I realized that I wasn't too far off from Pittsburgh and decided to locate her on MySpace and send her a message. Before you know it we were on AOL Instant Messenger talking like nothing had changed and spending time catching up on everything in between. In late August 2011, not even a month before finally meeting Trish I wrote in my blog entry "Dancing In September" how I planned to make it out to Pennsylvania to see her before the end of 2012, little did I know 3 weeks later I'd be sitting in her house and after knowing each other for 10 years only via the internet and telephone I decided that no better time than the present. We had a good time like always and laughed at things that most people would consider us weird for(like looking at pictures of sex offenders on the registry site and trying to guess what crime they committed and how crazy some of them looked, even guessing what kind of car(or van)they were driving!)so were a little twisted but when it all comes down to it we were laughing together in tears and that is what counts! Pennsylvania also surprised me with it's above and beyond good energy. I expected the scenery and energy to match that of Illinois, Indiana or Ohio and as a child I never really enjoyed PA, but this time I did and I can see why she would stay there. I wanted to spend more time with her and can't wait to see her next time but I knew it was time to go back to the mid-west seeing as to how my parents were about ready to leave.

I rolled back into Illinois where I spent the next few days assisting my parents however possible in getting ready for "the big move". But there was one thing I knew when I left Illinois at the beginning of the year that wasn't finished and I had to address it before leaving this time, it was time to see my father whom I had chosen not to see for the last 9 years.

9 years of hatred, resentment and no contact. One phone call in 2009 to tell me my grandma was dying where we battled it out for a few hours rehashing the past. His often poor decisions as a father fused with my refusal to forgive and stop hating divided us for 9 years. He missed out on his son growing up in many ways and I missed out on a chance to patch things up earlier but if there is something I have learned this year it's that everything has it's own time and things happen when they need to. My father lost his job with the state of Illinois and his pension due to his drinking problem and he finally has been able to say he has a problem, at least partially but I still consider it progress. He is currently staying with a childhood friend in the suburbs of Chicago without a job and no direction..that's until I showed up at the doorstep.

As I sat at the kitchen table over some good Chicago pizza and homemade ravioli's made by his "dego friend" I realized that we had some things to catch up on but at the same time I observed that there was no more anger towards him for his decisions he made when I was a child. I no longer feared him, I no longer hated him, I just saw the old man with arrested development that had made many bad choices and I noticed that they started to show up on his face since the last time I saw him, I saw a boy that had not lived a life of his own, we shared stories of his childhood, of my travels, of the girls we've loved, the tears we've cried and where we are going from here. We talked like two long lost friends who've never really known each other but the thing that stuck out the most was how I told him I had a vision of him moving to Georgia and being happy, he was always happier when we would vacation to the southeast. He then reminded me about Eureka Springs, Arkansas which was a cool little town in the Ozark Mountains that he always loved and I remembered him always wanting to move there. His friend/roommate Guido had shown some of his intuitive abilities that we discussed over dinner and also informed me that he had prayed to God and my grandparents(on my dad's side)that something come along for him because he needs a spark to relight his life and two weeks later I showed up. I knew part of my purpose there was to offer him assistance along with letting go of the final stages of hurt and being unforgiven. I kept asking him if he ever considered moving to the southeast or anywhere else and he told me "When I got out of the Army in the 70's I wanted to travel just like you're doing now, I wanted to leave Illinois but then I started thinking with the wrong head, the one in my pants and started having children so I got stuck in Illinois." so when he mentioned Eureka Springs I knew that was the place for him and I suggested it to him and at that moment I knew what to do for my father.

I departed his house the following morning at 630AM right before the sun came up. It was the same feeling I had when he would drop me off at my mothers or when she would pick me up as a kid, only this time I was the one driving off, I was the one in the drivers seat. I wasn't even off his block before I was in tears. Tears of happiness, relief, joy, sadness that I had let so much time go by and a huge lesson had been learned and I believe it was learned by both of us. Since I left Illinois I have spoke with him on the phone once and a few emails so it wasn't to my surprise when he emailed me a week after I saw him saying "Zac, I'm renting a car and going down to Eureka Springs, Arkansas to revisit for a few days and see if I want to move there." which I knew he was going to do and after getting this email I knew that if he went down there to visit he'd only be back up to Illinois to get the few material things he owns and his car before returning back to Arkansas(one thing I got from my dad, material simplicity), I give it about a month until I hear the words "Zac, I'm living in Arkansas now." and I await those words because I know he will be much happier there.

The next day my folks and I left Joliet, Illinois and though I had made my peace with no longer living there earlier this year it was different watching my folks go, especially my mom. I was pleased to escort them out of there and felt it my responsibility to make sure the dark energies that took so much from them on that property and in that town didn't get their last shot in. As soon as I arrived in the house the first night I let the darkness know that it wasn't taking anything from any of us and it was not welcome in our lives or what was left of their home, it was the first time I felt like I was holding the leash of darkness instead of me being on it's leash and my hands did not shake, I had no fear.

We went up to Wonder Lake to say goodbye to my grandparents one last time and then headed off towards San Jose(where I write this from now). The ride through Iowa and Nebraska was very uneventful and we ended up in a hotel somewhere in mid-Nebraska for the night. By the next night we were in Colorado where they headed off to Granby to see my moms old boss in the rockies, I went to Denver to see Ken and Mike AND also Maureen(who I had stayed with in Massachusetts a few weeks before)who was visiting Denver. I loaded my stuff up into the car that I had left at Ken and Mike's in August after the van accident and spent a few days having some fun going bowling and chilling out at the apartment and then it was off to Granby for me.

My folks and I went to the Rocky Mountain National Park together the next day and though this was my third time in the park(once on my own in 2008 and once with Scott in 2009)I was pleased to bring my parents to the "Gateway of the West" and give them a proper introduction to the beauty the west has to offer by showing them one of our best and most beautiful places out here in the west in Colorado, the rockies. Though I was sick and vomiting numerous times in the national park I was happy to see their reaction and the beautiful peace they had found in the rocky mountains and I couldn't have asked for a better state than Colorado to get them started on their western adventures.

We left Granby a few days later and I headed on the 70 to Aspen, they took 80 towards Wyoming. After a forgettable stop in Aspen I met up with them in Salt Lake City during sunset over the Great Salt Lake. That night we stayed at a Motel 6 in Wendover, Utah only feet from the Nevada border. They had a tire blow out on the way to the hotel and the next day we noticed that the trailer being overloaded had done damage so they unhooked it at a gas station and gave the owner $50 to hold it for a few weeks. We took the Explorer and Focus and continued on through a part of Nevada that none of us had been to. By the time we hit Reno we were tired of Nevada and it's smutty negative vibes. Reno itself was a town with people living in the 80's still and all of the other towns were pits. By dusk we were at Lake Tahoe and able to see the sunset over the lake. We all loved the energy and it was strangely another place that none of us had ever been. We rolled through Sacramento and into San Jose to stop at a friends vacant house where we have been for the past few days. None of us are too fond of San Jose but we are thankful to have a place to stop and all three of us are working on the next step which brings me to the conclusion of the "Coast 2 Coast" tour and the beginning of the next phase.

The end of the Coast 2 Coast tour also in many ways brings the end of an era. I now find myself at home in southeast California and I love the fact that my second favorite place is right next door, Arizona. There are three things I love in environment and that is desert, mountains and ocean and in southern California I can have all three within a 3 hour drive of each other. Want to be in Colorado or Montana? No problem, here I come Big Bear! Want to be in Arizona or New Mexico? It's off to Joshua Tree or Lucerne Valley! Looking for some water? Well, as Katy Perry once sang "You can travel the world but nothing comes close to the golden coast", a drive down or up Highway 1 will suffice. I am currently looking to attract an income by driving, particularly RV delivery. I have no interest in getting a house in the 'burbs, an apartment in the city or anything like that. I am still very much a vagabond(probably more than ever)but I'm not always on the backroads anymore. I'm finding my way on this spiritual adventure on how to choose my battles, when to swallow my pride and take the front roads but always staying loyal to the roads that make a person, the roads that challenge them, lift them and unveil their true character and nature..the back roads.

As my philosophy of being "On The Backroads" evolves into a new meaning so does my style of vagabonding. As I grow older and hopefully wiser and expand my soul I learn more and more what I am here to do. 4 years ago this adventure started with some long hair, a tye dye shirt, rebellious wanderlust and the willingness to challenge a system that started to collapse the following year and it now see's it's end.


I will never forget what I learned on these back roads...the places I fell in love with and the places I loathed, the friends I made, the canyons I crossed, the mountains I climbed, the forests I lost myself in, the girls I loved, I times that I lost, the experience and soulful knowledge I gained, the growing up I did(even when I didn't want to), the times I had. I will never forget these experiences and lessons and I plan to use every bit of the things I gained(otherwise whats the point of learning and ascending?)but I also see that the "Journey of Self Discovery" as a young man is now going into it's next stages, the long haired "hippie/gypsy" is no longer how I define myself as much as it's just a part of who I am now, in many ways I now define it. I have learned that sometimes taking the front roads is part of what the back roads wanderer must do in his/her best interest.

So as I shed a tear and smile deep inside for choosing these past few years to be "On The Backroads" I see that adaptation is part of growth and evolution and when the van died, I knew that the Coast 2 Coast journey where I escorted my parents to the West would be the last time I would "Go West, young man" with the same energy that I received from doing it the last 3 times. The adventure is never over, the vagabond that I am will always be there because no matter where I go, there I am and though I will always be on the backroads in this life I have to acknowledge that the first journey of self discovery and all of it's power is over. I mourn it with gratitude and a deep thanks as I ascend another soul deeper. I am thankful this year that I have been supported by the Universe and in my decision to see this karmic experience through to the end, I am thankful to my loved ones for their support, love and help and have been thankful to be able to assist some of them in return but the truth of the matter is I'm just getting started and I'm EXCITED to move on to the next phase of my life.

It was the backroads that brought me home to the west, to the people and places I love and home within my soul and it is that reason alone that I will always remain forever young...and on the backroads..

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost


Written: San Jose, California 2011