Faith & Gasoline (Leaving the San Juans)

The time to hit the road is again upon me! I will be rolling off on my latest "tour" which I'm calling the "Faith & Gasoline Trip 2011". Lots of gasoline and faith will be needed for this journey, or perhaps a lot of faith and little gasoline? We will see! This is the first time I have traveled without a finishing point on a longer road trip. While I am nervous I am also excited to see what happens! I have been on San Juan Island in Washington for almost 3 months now and my stay has been filled with all kinds of emotion and energy.

On SJI I have seen probably about 50 eagles, foxes, bats, deer, rabbits and loads of other animals that are magical. I have forgotten what stoplights and modern consumerism looks like. I came up here to heal and grow further. My lovely friend Angela took this young sailor in from the rain and it has been quite a ride since then! I want to write a brief review of my opinion on the island.

PROs

Meeting Angela(which I always felt I would do sooner or later!)
Getting on island time
Almost no corporatism
No stoplights
Peaceful and beautiful
Able to heal quicker than in places like where I came from originally

CONs

Food in Friday Harbor!(I haven't had good ethnic food in MONTHS!)
Inconsistent weather
Slight case of island fever
No mountains
No southwest vibes

San Juan Island/Friday Harbor are unlike ANYWHERE I've ever been though and that is a huge positive in my book. Overall I have enjoyed my stay here though I haven't been in the best spirits, but thanks to Angela I have had a chance to come here to heal and now is the time to roll on down the highway!

As I move forward the possibilities of places to visit are endless! Rainbow Gathering, Seattle, Oregon 101 coast, Redwood Forest, San Fran, Lake Tahoe, Denver, Sedona, Taos, Utah, Monument Valley etc, etc, etc!! Most importantly the place I am looking to visit is the place within. I have been feeling that this insane transformation will start to round out around Sept/Oct so I'm looking forward to this summer being one full of wonder and further transformation.

Each day I work on letting go of my past and letting go of the things that have hurt me. I want the world to heal and ever since I stepped on that wagon the Universe has been trying to get me to obey saying "WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST, ZAC!" and I fought that for a few years before deciding to jump into it.

So I survived the mess down in the desert as I went into this spring, I found a way to rise above the ashes like the Phoenix after leaving the city by the very same name. Without the love, patience, understanding and help of loved ones it would have been a bumpier ride.

My anger and pain that has driven my ego and given me a song to sing has not been serving me and I am in the final stages of uprooting and releasing these emotions. I picture myself in a world where I wake up in the morning and all of the chaos in my life was part of a different chapter.

I see myself stronger, alive and more complete. My life has evolved so much and while I feel like many things have stayed the same I am getting there slowly but surely. I let the situation with Sara knock me off my rocker and realized that this cannot and will not keep happening to me. I have had it with handing my power over but at times still feel trapped between submission and the power of rage. Thats why this up and coming adventure I call "Faith & Gasoline" will have no choice but to run on at least one of those and probably the other. Faith will be necessary and gasoline will only be required if I decide to continue down this path in the van.

Money needs to manifest and while I'm still not certain it's out there in this economy nor am I sure I want to go back to the traditional grind we will see what can happen.

I am scared to leave this rock, to leave Angela's but I have learned that each time I do this it gets easier. Saying goodbye has *always* been hard for me(feels like it connects to abandonment issues from my childhood)and I have said goodbye many times this year to many loved ones in many places. Some of my choosing, others not of my choosing and either way it's been difficult but reality.

The greatest moments come before the leap as you look back at where you just came from and what comes right after the leap when you realize that without the faith you held you would diminish into fear. The act of the leap itself is the most beautiful part. Every time I leap I then reap all of the rewards. It hasn't always ended up pleasant but it's always ended up necessary and most of the time it's met with great reward!

Until next time...


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

A Tribute to the Road: June 23rd Three Year Anniversary

"On the old highway maps of America, the main routes were red and the back roads blue. Now even the colours are changing. But in those brevities just before dawn and a little after dusk-times neither day nor night the old roads return to the sky some of it's colour. Then, in truth, they carry a mysterious cast of blue, and it's that time when the pull of the blue highway is strongest-when the open road is beckoning, a strangeness, a place where a man can lose himself." from "Blue Highways" by William Least Heat Moon

Well folks, as of today it's been three years since I left Illinois the first time for the Wild West! This marks three years of my wanderlove and time on the road. I have covered all of the western states, Great Plains, southeast, mid-west, went to Mexico and up to Canada twice all in the last three years. I left Joliet, Illinois at 10PM on the night of June 23rd 2008(the same night George Carlin died for random facts)at the age of 21 to discover what lied ahead, my vehicle? A 1994 Lincoln Mark 8 with a leaky transmission carried me 18,000+ miles all over the western USA that summer finally arriving in Sedona, Arizona. The first place I ever felt called to. In spring 2009 I rode again with the Mark 8 down to the southeast arriving in Florida for a 4,500 mile trip with the same leaky transmission, going through all of the southeastern states for a fun spring fling. At the end of summer 2009 I took a trip with my friend Scott to the rockies of Colorado and the Badlands of South Dakota and fell in love with the mountains all over again. In 2010 I stayed around Illinois lost in my unhappiness and went river rafting in Wisconsin, to the sand dunes in Indiana and Michigan on a few occasions as well. In 2011 I moved to California, then Arizona, then Washington state and that is where I write this from now. 46 states later I celebrate my three year anniversary being a lover of the road in the library at Friday Harbor, Washington days before my departure. The road has given me everything I've ever wanted and even the things I didn't want but needed. I have seen many diverse and beautiful places all across this land, I have made many lifelong friends and usually have met them in the most indirect and bizarre ways, I have fallen in and out of love and have had the opportunity to increase my knowledge as well as open my spirit in ways that would have never happened had I not left corporate America the week before 6-23-08. I write this as a tribute of extreme gratitude to the Universe for providing such beautiful places and people for me to experience. For all of the heartthrob, heartache, tears shed in overwhelming joyful gratitude and tears shed in pain that at times seemed like the dawn would never rise again I write this to the one place that has always felt like home, to the one place that always gives me what I need, to the one place I have always evolved and learned, to the one place that has evolved my inner highways, for the path I have chosen to walk in as much faith as possible(even if at times I have none or very little), for what has always been there for me. I am grateful to have chosen to be on the backroads...

THANK YOU! <3

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference" - Robert Frost





Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

Inspirational Rich Republicans at the Laundromat

I was in the laundromat next to the US Customs office in Friday Harbor for the first time today to do my laundry(tired of going to the filthy place in town, this is a hidden stow away). I washed and dried my clothes and came in to pick them up, with me I brought my copy of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" to read. Two folks were in there that I would say were in their 60's, though the lady looked a lot younger from a distance. We started talking about the view of the harbor from the laundromat and how it could not be beat. They told me they used to have people at Roche Harbor(rich peoples resort on the north side)do their laundry for them, automatically this lead me to believe they must have amassed some sort of wealth to pay someone to wash their clothes.

We started talking further and they shared with me that they were only up here for a few days on their boat in Friday Harbor before heading back down to their home in Seattle and then to their home outside of Bend, Oregon which lead to the conversation of "what do you do for a living?" since I was curious how they could afford two homes plus a boat in Friday Harbor. They informed me that they started a transportation company in Seattle in the late 70's and it has turned into a huge van/Town Car/limo/small airplane business and that they had owned the airport contracts on SJI at one point. Oh, I also found out they have a home in Cave Creek, Arizona as well. So a few homes, a boat and a multi million dollar business out of Seattle I would say these people may have some advice for me in the financial sector. They were kind and pleased to spend the better part of a half hour or so with me. I discovered a few things in the process. Not all rich Republicans are assholes, in fact these folks were rather nice.

They were complaining about the Democrats turning our country into a socialist economy and said that ideally everybody having a home and food to eat is important but not realistic, I quoted them something that a fellow Republican that I used to date suggested "socialism works on paper but in application collapses the economy for all classes", I attempted to keep a neutral view to what they had to say to see if there was something I could learn from all of this. My tye dye, long hair and van seemed to impress them as they had pointed out their boat in the distance I pointed out my van as well. I told them that I left corporate America almost as soon as I got into it with Dow Chemical and "let my hair down a bit" and they seemed rather impressed at how I followed my own heart to get out here. I didn't feel any bit of negative judgement or awkwardness in their energy about the choices I had made to live such an unconventional lifestyle that most right wingers would consider an extreme leftists ideal. It didn't hurt that I had a copy of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" in my hand, as soon as I flashed that at them they started giving me suggestions as to how to increase my wealth. The key things they both seemed to focus on was passion and intuition. Knowing if it's the right business for you and knowing if you are passionate about it. Both had college degrees one had a masters and the other a bachelors but they had suggested that beyond taking a few classes on accounting and business management it's mostly up to you and thinking outside of the box. They suggested I find a financially successful business mentor that I could work closely with. Their plans are now to sell their company to retire and they told me they were offering to sell the company to their manager who has been with them since the beginning because he is passionate and they want to see their business continue to thrive in the Seattle area.

Though our values of having multiple properties, a bunch of material stuff and their attitude that not everyone is meant to eat clash, I would call this encounter a worth while one and would gladly engage in further discussion should I run into them in town or at the laundromat again. What I believe I was being shown here with them is that there is a value in capitalism and in following your passions to build an empire of financial wealth. After all, for people their age they looked damn good and seemed to be enjoying their day on sunny San Juan Island, something I have a hard time doing because of being broke and angry about it. I find myself becoming a medium between the left and right, socialist and capitalist, spiritual and economical. Finding a way to balance all of the above with integrity has seemed impossible to me for so long but after this discussion with these people it has given me the hunger for cash that I haven't had since I was in corporate America but more importantly finding a way to earn it without having to compromise my integrity and be unhappy with the choice I make by getting up and going to a unsatisfying job everyday. There are no accidents or coincidences on the road of life, I was reading a book about becoming financially wealthy without compromising morals and these people happened to be present during this process. Now if I could only let go of the Native American belief that property is not to be owned I'd be a full on capitalist.

I have no doubts that I could be a wealthy and powerful business person, I still haven't found a way to become one while standing my moral ground on less materialism, nobody owns land and people do need to be fed and spiritually assisted but that doesn't mean there isn't a solution out there. A few years ago I had money and was on the fast track to becoming a corporate grunt who could have probably built an empire but without the decision to get on track or "detour" as I once looked at it before realizing that I wasn't detouring, I was just off path I would have only hoarded the money and essentially done everything that I never wanted to do in life. Let the wealth roll in and the passions catch fire once again!

As my pain from the desert below begins to transform I once again start to get in touch with why I came out West to begin with, only now I have more insight and understanding. I want a million employees working for me by the time I'm 30, each one of them named George Washington.


Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

The Sailor in The Storm

A long journey from the burning deserts below the young sailor of the cement highway learns to roll with the tide

Pulling into the port of an island he knows nothing about on a dark and rainy night in early spring he knows not what lies ahead

As the tsunami's crash on the shore much like within his soul he anchors down for the long stay ahead only to realize just how worn out he is and that his boat needs the same sojourn

He discovered this island by corresponding with A Light house on it's shores as if he has been guided to it's safehaven

This sailor, fairly new to the waters of the world has fought the waves and rolled with the tides always setting a course but always ending up at a different destination than expected

The sailor learns that the tsunami's of life are also the same waters that produce the calm beauty of gorgeous waves and finds some sense of peace within that

For now he will continue to heal himself and ready his ship for it's next voyage when the waters yet again calm



Written: San Juan Island, Washington 2011

Oh Canada: The Island Within(Part 2)

Another day in Canada.

Nanaimo, BC: After my last update I decided to get a bite of poutine to eat! Upon returning I realized that I had left my headlights on so I decided to head back into the Starbucks and ask the girl there if she could give me a jump start(I have jumper cables)and she gladly agreed. 3 minutes and $20 US dollars later my van was running again. She offered to do it as a kind act of humanity, I gave her $20 US(ya know, since Canada is a 3rd world country far beneath the US...oh wait their dollar is worth more than ours! So maybe I gave her like $3 Canadian?...hmm)and told her to pay it forward and thanked her for her help.

The Drive to Tofino,BC: The ride from Nanaimo to Tofino rapidly grew gorgeous about half way through. The moss, yellow flowers, PNW greenery and MOUNTAINS appeared and brought a smile to my tired soul and face! I arrived in Tofino at night attempting to find a place to park I decided to stop for dinner at a young hip restaurant/bar. After getting online and searching with no luck I decided to hit up a campground that was right on the beach to the pacific ocean. The campground cost was $44 CAN though I had the choice to just drive out(and considered doing so)I decided against that and (now looking back at it)like an idiot decided to put it on my already overcharged credit cards, damn my integrity! On the way to Tofino I encountered 2 black bears standing on the side of the road staring at me though I was unable to get a good picture because of the overcast weather and crappy camera. I believe this was my first encounter with a bear of any kind in the wild(believe it or not!), though I can't be certain. After parking at the campground I decided to use the coin operated showers and to my surprise they were more expensive and far worse than the 25 cent ones in Friday Harbor. One loonie(a.k.a $1 coin)for about a minute and a half...maybe 2 minutes, tops! Luckily enough a girl I had approached for change(since I only had quarters and this machine only took loonies)warned me about the short time on the showers so I washed my hair in the sink beforehand. HA!

The following morning I departed the campground and headed toward the beaches of Parks Canada's "Pacific Rim National Park Reserve" which was gorgeous, though it was raining and overcast in some ways it added to the mystery of the pacific northwest. Lush greenery met with giant sand beaches with high waves and at least 20 surfers in wetsuits catching the high tide!

While walking on the beach I realized after 3 long years of traveling I discovered the high I get from a nice sojourn in nature. It combines the grounding elements of the Earth connected with the highs of Heaven meeting in the center and using me as a vehicle of BALANCE! While I do enjoy being high it usually gets dragged down by worldly drama and I find it hard to hold a high for long. Being grounded is only good when in a good emotional/spiritual spot.

Coming to Canada has proved to be incredibly expensive and incredibly beneficial. I'm a little disappointed to be returning to the states so soon but it feels right to do so, I have business to tend to and a van that appears to be falling apart(grrr!).

I am at the McDonalds right by the ferry, awaiting for my noon departure(however I will arrive early for my impending interrogation and vehicle tossing by our lovely US customs assho....oops...I almost didn't address them properly..agents!)

Catch you next time when I'm back stateside, AYE!


Written: Sidney, British Columbia, Canada 2011

The Island Within(From SJI to Vancouver Island)

After 2 months on San Juan Island I had come to realize that I was feeling stuck and needed to do some adventuring to get some perspective on where my life is at and where it is heading. All this change, highs and lows has caused a lot of turmoil in my life in the past few months. I started feeling trapped on the island since I hadn't left it(outside of going to Orcas Island)since I arrived on a rainy night of the soul in late March. I decided to take the ferry to Anacortes and drive to Mount Vernon/Burlington to take care of some business. After feeling an incredible energy shock of the negative energies of Mt Vernon/Burlington I decided to get online on my new iPod touch and see where I wanted to head.

I tossed around the idea of going to North Cascades National Park in Washington but ended up feeling like I should drive towards Bellingham. By the time I reached Bellingham I realized I was going to head to Vancouver, British Columbia. So onto Canada I went...

US Customs:

US Customs tossed my van while detaining me in a stainless steel room for about 10 minutes. They actually didn't rip everything apart and were very personable, the one guy was even talking about Friday Harbor with me. As most of you know the idea of borders on our planet always annoys me and I find it stupid, however in the world we currently occupy I will say that the US Customs didn't treat me like shit this time like they did in Detroit. Must be better to live in the West than Mid-west ;p

Canada Customs:

I had to stop at a teller booth and declare the bananas I was bringing over the border and then pull over for what I thought was going to be another vehicle inspection but turned out to be me getting questioned while they ran my background. The guy asked me if I smoked weed a few times, asked me why I don't smoke it and I decided this is my chance to fuck with him so I replied. "It blows holes in your aura, screws with your spirit and if I wasted money on that I wouldn't be able to travel!" to which he looked at me and inquired as to what an aura was haha!

He did tell me though that he could have rejected me for not having proof of income or enough cash funds on me, he suggested that I could decide to live in my van in Canada as an "illegal alien" and work for cash therefore frauding the tax system and he could get in trouble, in other words I'd be like a Mexican in Canada! ;D So he asked me how would he know I wasn't going to do that and I told him I don't have any proof so he asked again to which I replied "I can't prove it, you'll have to use your intuition, obviously it's your choice." He decided to let me through but suggested next time I print out a bank statement or bring more cash. Note taken.

Vancouver: I pulled into Vancouver around midnight and found a 24 hour McDonalds McCafe(which I haven't seen in the states), as soon as I parked behind the building right up against an alleyway I knew that was where I was going to stay the night. I went in, had some "food" and used the free wifi with my iPod for a while before returning to the van. It was noisier than sleeping at Angies and really gave me a greater appreciation for sleeping on a peaceful piece of land like Angies however for a big city it wasn't as noisy as any of the places I stayed in Phoenix or Portland. I woke up in the middle of the night with a nosebleed and spitting up blood(probably from eating McDonalds haha)and this morning for the 3rd night in a row was so dizzy I felt like I was gonna fall over(therefore it must not just be the land in Friday Harbor like a few of us suspected).

The gas station and McDonalds employers in Vancouver drove brand new 3 series BMW's. The people were all incredibly friendly and the lady even said "Greetings, what would you like today?" I saw maybe 5 white people in Vancouver the rest were Asian and middle-eastern. Vancouver was a typical big city though it's energy was much like Seattle being that it was decent for a big city, I suppose. I decided to head off for Vancouver Island this morning.

Vancouver Island/Victoria: I arrived at the ferry just in time to take it over to Sidney. From there I headed down to Victoria which proved to be a waste of time(but being a traveler I was curious). Victoria is a touristy city with good energy but just like Vancouver, it's a city none the less and was kind've stale and boring. I am currently at the Starfucks in Nanaimo, BC which is a smaller scale Victoria-ish suburb. The weather was nice until about 50 kilometers back where it started pouring.

I've never liked spring. I can't wait until summer gets here. I have monitored a few other things other than my tolerance for the weather since I have left Friday Harbor. Traveling is no longer giving the "quick hit to the vein" it used to that pacified my inner turmoil, however seeing some sort of mountains here on the BC island does lift me. I miss the mountains soooooo much! I'm tired of the rolling hills, grasslands and valleys. The suburbs of Canada are almost as bad as the ones in the states. Burlington and Mt Vernon, WA felt awful after the first 30 minutes of getting adjusted back to normal society and feeling like being in a foreign country I noticed my intuition was correct. If I have it my way, I would never live in the suburbs again let alone desire to drive through them unless I have to. My feelings toward the city haven't changed much either. I'm heading towards Tofino, BC which is the west coast of Vancouver Island and I cannot wait to see it!

Though I only slept about 5 hours last night I do feel a bit of burnout. Maybe it's the northwest weather, energy and scenery? Maybe I'm burned out on travel? Maybe my inner turmoil needs releasing? Maybe it's all of the above or none of the above?

This spring has felt like rock bottom of my life, so I'm guessing it can only get better from here. In many ways I feel a hell of a lot better than the last time I sat in a Starbucks in Portland in a lot of pain. Being on SJI and welcomed by Angela and her corner of the world on the island has helped accelerate the healing process for which I am grateful. However, I won't lie and say I can't wait until this transformation kind've smoothes out and turns into the next phase. I'm so exhausted with living so often the past 10 years it has to get better from here. I find my sensitivity not triggering as badly here in Canada either, maybe I'm just starting to not care how fucked up the world is? After all as everyone has been telling me for years now, you can't change the whole world. At this point I'm looking for a sign, for something...the same searching I have been doing for years, the same thing that brought me to the road. The road felt like my sanctuary, now it's starting to feel like an aggravation, I'd like to buy a horse and covered wagon and live with Native Americans in the desert that live under the traditional customs. Welcomed back to where I feel I belong...does that place even exist anymore in this world of borders, Walmarts and capitalism? The more I see of this world the harder it becomes to accept.

I am walking the tightrope between cashing in my check and coming out of this transformed. My mission statement/New Years Resolution for 2011 was "Reinvention, Rebirth, Responsibility" but I feel I am losing my ability in that actually happening. I feel it's time to surrender and let the Universe do the driving again, maybe this time it won't lead me to another disastrous situation like the ones that have occurred over and over again since last summer.

Now that I've purged that, my energy feels better. I am having an experience and for that I am thankful. Better days ahead!

Onward to Tofino, Canada!


Written: Naniamo, British Columbia, Canada 2011