Forever Young

It wasn't too long ago I was preparing to move out of my parents house in Joliet, Illinois to move in with my friend Roz out in California for a while to allow myself some time for things to come to me. I now prepare myself to move out of Roz' and into my own home, my recent van purchase.

I took the van down to Indio, CA for a few days and met up with my wonderful love, Sara. I have found comfort in a lot of different things in my life lately on a level that I have never experienced prior to coming out here.

For one I feel a lot more calmed..of course there are still days that don't *feel* the best and times when I still rage but it seems to be more momentary and doesn't carry out for an entire day or worse yet, day after day like it used to. Not that I had any doubt but I am willing to say here and now that leaving Illinois has been one of the best things I have ever done with my life, both in 2008 and 2011.

I left behind Joliet, Illinois and the rest of what had become an incredibly depressing and uninspired life I was "living" there on January 13th 2011 and yet it has already felt like I've been gone for a year! With the exception of missing loved ones I cannot say I'd ever want to go back.

Since I have left Illinois I have found myself more confident, I have more clarity, I have manifested a lot more positive change, my heart has deeply connected to a wonderful spirit in Sara, I have shared countless laughs and psychic insight back n forth with Roz, purchased my starter home 1990 Dodge Ram van to hit the road in, traveled around the southern California area, took another awesome road trip to get out here and much more!

In less than two weeks I roll down off the mountain that I worked my way to the top of to see what was down below. I cannot say that when I leave here I will leave empty handed...let me explain.


I came up here in search of clarity..in search of direction. I now realize that the two people I have needed to forgive most for the past 24 years have been my biological father and myself. I have been working on both of us and being in a positive place such as Big Bear Lake, around a positive loving and helpful friend such as Roz and by just allowing my Inner Self to connect with Source and let the Universe do the directing my life has become lighter. There are still a lot of things I need to sort out and allow to happen and life is a work in progress, as am I but for once I *FEEL* good, I *FEEL* hopeful, I *FEEL* confident...I *FEEL* a lighter path forming.


In my personal life I have a wonderful family that ranges from people back in Illinois like my Grandparents, my mother, Ed, Scott and so on. I also have other wonderful family and people I love scattered across the world..Ken, Roz, Trish and of course my most recent heart connection, Sara. =:) and new friends on the horizon!

In my past I have lessons that I have learned from. Both painful and pleasant experiences that cannot be altered or changed because I have already lived, loved and learned from them. People I have cared for a loved deeply that have faded, people I still love and care for that have evolved into different connections. Places I've been that I have revisited that now take on a different energy and meaning.

In my future I have many miles to put under my tires and feet while traveling this beautiful globe I inhabit. Meeting countless people to laugh, love and share myself with...to learn about who they are. I have abundance to look forward to..attracting income by doing things that I love and enjoy doing that other people have a need for. A willingness to roll with the changes and go with the flow to see what develops in all departments of my life.

Best of all in my present I have the most precious thing life can give me, this moment. I have within my abilities and hands the power to repeat the past or continue to make the much needed changes to provide myself with a future that I desire. To manifest and attract the things I would love to see...here is a little bit of what I am working with right now and how I look forward to shaping the gifts I have been given...

Hobbies/Passions - I love photography, its no secret to anybody who knows me. I've been dancing around the idea of getting a professional camera to work my art in ways that my current camera cannot do. I have a Facebook page for my photography, a new cell phone number for it, business cards are on their way to me in the mail and I've been taking pictures like crazy!!! Best of all I have discovered that Sara(who is also a wonderful photographer)inspires me and makes me want to branch further into my own photographic work. I find myself catching more details as I open my heart more to the energy of life and therefore I am able to catch more on camera in a more creative way.

Business - It's nice to know that I can combine my hobbies/passions into a business setting if I just work things the right way and stay persistent. That I can attract financial abundance doing things I don't find compromising to my integrity or that piss me off or bore me to death. This is a scary topic for me but it's the next one I am beginning to face head on. Good things are coming my way in the business department.

Activism - I am starting to tap into ways to get more involved in politics, activism and making a difference in ways that are effective and non-destructive.

Living Situation - I am becoming less scared and more excited about moving into my van. I am struggling a bit with the fear of what it may do to me in this society but as usual I will walk my own path and find my own way of doing things and dealing with the minor downfalls. I'm SOOO excited! =:D

Direction - Since I was called at the Integratron by Jesus and Buddha I have been looking for ways to tap into helping others and making my life one of service. First I have to serve myself which leads to the next topic...

Forgiveness - Coming to terms with what my fathers behavior did to my life has not been an easy thing to accept. I still find myself at times deeply hurt and angered by his actions regardless of the reasons why he chose to act in such ways. On the upside I have been able to break down a lot of these barriers, which has been incredibly healing and wonderful! As for forgiving myself for my behavior it has been just as difficult. I still carry regrets and guilt from time to time but the more I remind myself that I was acting out of hurt and that I am a product of what I've been exposed to the easier it gets to move forward and take responsibility.

Love Life - This has been an unexpected and surprisingly sweet one! I've finally connected with someone who I mesh with incredibly well on a spiritual, emotional, mental and physical level which I have never experienced all four with one person at once until now! I look at my prior love interests and relationships with gratitude for teaching and challenging me in ways that are allowing me to have a stronger connection now with Sara. We challenge one another in a way that is helping break down walls and barriers that have been installed and conditioned in us since we were young. Both sharing similar backgrounds and childhoods as well as interests and passions I find that we compliment one another nicely and help one another heal. I truly do believe this is one of those situations where we can have our cake and eat it too! I look forward to see what unravels! =:D <3

My Ego - It has shrunk a lot since the sobering things that happened late last summer and everything since. As I get ready to leave Big Bear I walk into the world looking to leave as much of my ego in the past as possible, along with anything else that is not serving.

My Authentic Self - This has been a huge process of emergence for me the past few years(since roughly late 2007). Life is a developmental process in which the past few years have brought about more change than any other part of my life. I look to tap further into myself than ever, once and for all breaking away from all inauthenticities and learning to love my true nature, my true self that my ego has kept locked away for so long. Learning to love with open arms and an open heart, which brings me back to my love life, family & friends and connection with Source!

My Dreams & Desires - I am beginning to live my dreams. Many people choose to never pursue them and some people never have the chance to live them. I have made the choice to pursue them and I am being given the opportunity to live them! I have wanted to live in a van and travel now for two years, that is less than 2 weeks away! I have always wanted to learn to love myself and tap deeply into ALL of my creativity, that has started to happen and is only getting better with time(and age!). I have always wanted a loving and compatible partner whom I connected with in all the vital ways(spiritual, emotional, mental AND physical are all required!)on a deep level, I have had some beneficial, beautiful and pleasant(as well as not so pleasant)relationships but I have yet to experience anything that I could see lasting beyond a few years at best...until now. I have wanted to live in gratitude and walk a path of love, light, joy and peace..that process has begun. I have wanted to travel ever since I started to fall in love with nature when I went up to Wisconsin for my vacation in 2007 while working at Dow Chemical and now I've been to 46 states, Mexico and Canada and have much much more to look forward to!

My Intuition, Instinct, Psychic Ability and Connection with Source - I decided to align myself with the Spirit of Light after allowing the darkness to overpower me for many years. I am still transitioning but do so with concrete intentions and willpower to continue to step into the light. My capacity to feel, know, sense and understand has deepened immensely since I had my wake up call late last summer and even more so since I've left Illinois and came up the mountain here in California.


Well folks, that is really all I have to say for now(as if that hasn't been a mouthful!). For once, life is good because I *CHOSE* to make it good. I decided to sign a contract with a new team, I decided to step into the light. I have been paying for my sins and karma has been interesting in the ways it has given pleasure and pain both. I look forward to waking up each day and to what little beautiful details the day offers and to what is on the horizon!

In conclusion, I have a group of people whom I love and whom love me, oxygen in my lungs, a beautiful natural planet to explore, a simple and non-materialistic home, plenty of non-natural societal based things to begin actively and effectively protesting against, many beautiful creations to create through photography, writing, music and other artistic outlets, all 6 senses function wonderfully, I am passionate about living and giving and best of all..I'm in love with life in it's natural state and a wonderful goofy native cheesehead that has a spirit that shines just as bright as mine. ;) :P

I AM BLESSED! :)

THANK YOU! <3


Written: Big Bear Lake, California 2011