Once Was A Time

by: Zachary Hill


Once was a time I felt I didn't belong, like an alien I couldn't tell what was wrong.

Once was a time I walked as an outcast, in the shadows hiding the worlds contrast.

Once was a time when the sun never seemed to shine, I felt lost and alone like I was doing hard time.

Once was a time of great heartache and pain, always looking to the sky praying for a wash away of rain.

Once was a time I cried every night, reality was mean and I didn't know how to fight.

Once was a time I searched long and hard for a purpose, thinking I may never discover it and believing people are here to hurt us.

Long I stayed in the shadows of the night, looking for answers and praying for light.

Suddenly it hit me! Like a flash in the pan, the dawn came with it's revelation and I knew it was time to take a stand.

I sit back and reflect on a lifetime of pain, blinded by societies neurosis to the point of going insane.

To navigate the darkest night having nothing to fear but fear itself, I learned that fear isn't really all that scary and it's bad for your health.

Once was a time I stepped out of the shadows and into the light, it's warmth carressed my body like the strong arms of a loving woman holding me so tight.

Once was a time I was shown my own truth and power from my family and friends, Jesus and Buddha and the disappearing devil within.

Once was a time I looked at the world and realized that I was a resident of Earth, that it was everyone else that was crazy and accepting that led me to rebirth.

Once was a time where a lifetime of darkness became a memory, it was the moment I accepted God's Great Spirit and saw that I was my own worst enemy.

Once was a time I decided to let go of control and to ask for the things I knew in my heart were mine for the taking, I discovered my purpose and it's right here waiting.

Once was a time I truly experienced faith, it was the moment I realized what side served a better tasting cake.

When I finally had faith beyond any doubt, everything started to fall into place and my true insides were dying to get out.

Hope guided me in it's many countless and creative forms, Love cradled me through all of life's darkest storms.

But it was faith that set me free, it was the raw power of Source that finally allowed me to see.

I am not alone and I belong here, those who remain unconscious are acting in fear.

Once was a time I decided to love myself and accept the good and bad, unconditional love opened the door up and made my dreams my child and taught me to nurture them as a dad.

Once was a time when I let it all go, my eyes could finally see that it's all in perfect flow.

Once was a time I gave myself permission to look at the brightest light inside, I am sharing my story with you and this is my book.

...Once was a time I wrote and spoke these words, dancing in the sunlight so bright and smiling 'til it hurts..




If you have found your faith in love, never stop believing.
If you are still lost in the night, know that the sun will rise every day without fail.

The darkest night sets the stage for the beauty of the daylight to shine bright with all it's glory.
The day; exposing all of the things that existed during the night only now being consciously revealed for the first time.

Know that you are still there when the sun sets and things remain in place, it's just a change of contrast and a phase until the sun shines the next morning ushering in the day.

Darkness exists to teach us about all the beauty that starts at dawn, if you get lost in the night just know that the daylight will always come.



Once was a time, and now my time has come.


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I Was Shown

((Originally Hand Written: Marathon Truck Stop. Waterloo, Indiana. Wed April 4th 2012 12:52AM))




On a cool Wyoming morning heading through "Little America", I was shown.

Behind my tractor trailer steering wheel, I was shown.

John Denver serenading my eardrums and singing to my heart, I was shown.

As a child I grew up outside Chicago to parents that were unable to work out their differences, this made me want to be honest with others and always work things out, I was shown.

As an angsty and depressed teenager I watched my childhood abandonment that created rage and resentment run my emotions and eat up my spirit. I was put in the "suicide bin" and engulfed myself in darkness only to learn it's depth and despair, I was shown.

As a young man my feelings of loss continued to reign, along with new emotions of betrayal by my government and everything I was taught to aspire to be like and everything I was taught to believe, I was shown.

As part of "Generation Y" I was the end of the pre-computer generation and with that I learned to appreciate both the ways the Baby Boomers and later Generation Z have grown up. My interaction with technology of old and new has introduced me to everything I know. From books, pens and paper to keyboards, internet and word documents, I expressed myself and educated myself, I was shown.

At 14 and then again at 15 I dropped out of high school because it did not challenge me and I did not like being "put in a box", it seemed pointless. Unlike what the traditional school system offers, I took it upon myself to self educate and learn from an unbiased source, I was shown.

At 16 years of age I was told I would never make money or "go anywhere" because of leaving high school "pre-maturely". At 17 I earned my GED. At 19 I worked for the biggest chemical company in the world making more money than most college graduates twice my age. At 25 I found my life's purpose and I am actively pursuing it. I was shown.

The Great Spirit sent me to a computer so I could educate and benefit myself. The computer knowledge landed this high school drop out the chemical plant job. The chemical plant job and computer skills later placed me in a dispatching job with a trucking company which lead to an interest in travel and geography, I was shown.

In 2008 at age 21 I became a vagabond. I also started deep on my spiritual journey. Travel fueled by spirituality lead me to Reiki energy healing and to Sedona, Arizona. Sedona lead me to the "West Coast Journey 2008" which took me to all 11 western states plus the Great Plains, every National Park, mountaintops, valleys, deserts and everything in between. I was shown.

In 2009 my spiritual path lead me to becoming a karaoke DJ where I was able to express my emotions and experiences through music both as a listener and as a performer. I was shown.

My traveling that started in 2008 has continued and by the age of 24 I had been to all the major American cities, nature spots, all 48 continental states as well as Canada and Mexico. In 2011 I moved into a conversion van right out of my parent's house. The life of a van-dweller showed me how to live simply and free of rent/mortgage burdens that our system thrives and depends on. It allowed me to see every single person I love in my soul family all around the country in less than a year. I was shown.

My love life had seen a lot of action between 2009 and 2011. I had 3 relationships in that period which is unusual for me. I suppose the Universe wanted to give me what I was readily asking for and speed up the process of karmic affairs. Within these 3 relationships I experienced fear of intimacy, unrestrained intimacy, being loved, loving without reserve and both giving as well as receiving feelings of abandonment and betrayal. I endured the heartbreak and dealt it too. I danced the dance as both partners and again, I was shown.

I experienced acceptance, love, peace, intuition and spirit not only from God's creation of nature but from his greatest creation, my soul family. The ones that challenged me and walked beside me in my darkest hour. My intuitive gifts came to life like never before with help from loving mentors put on my path by Source. I was shown.

The city and country have contrasted one another as much as the west and the east and everything in between. I received my "4 year degree" in life on the road and by taking the road less traveled both on the highways and within my soul. Spiritual travel in the physical, mental and emotional realm has in one way or another, brought and taught me EVERYTHING I needed for a complete life. I was shown.

At age 25 in 2012 I became a professional truck driver. Outside of loving to travel there was no logic for this decision. Intuitively I knew I needed to do it. With a "2 year plan" tops, I obviously needed the computer knowledge, shipping/receiving and dispatcher experience and now the truck driver experience to come full circle on my employment adventures for others. I was shown.

What lies ahead? I'm a traveling artist. I write, photograph and perform musical stories. Both God and the devil have given me so much contrast on the choices that await. I had to experience the first 25 years I just shared to ready myself for the next 25. I was shown.

What did I learn in that moment while John Denver seemed to be singing to me? That morning God spoke to me in Little America, Wyoming?

I learned that I was given the gift of scripture, photographic and musical expression. I learned I had to go through all the up's and down's to treasure the gift of life. I learned that these gifts were given to me at the right moments so I could inspire my former self that I see so often within others. I learned that I came here not to drive a truck, work in an office or walk the path that was set for me by society, but to blaze my own trail where no path existed before and help others in the ways I'm called to do so through my gifts. I was shown.

Love, Hope and Faith in yourself, nature, loved ones, the unexpected kindness of strangers and most of all God's Universal Great Spirit is all you need. Embrace the darkness within until the light shines, accept your lessons, discover your purposeful gifts and pay it forward! It's all about what energy you feed.

My story is my gift to you. I hope you find a sliver or a sea of knowledge, hope and inspiration within it.

It wasn't until I asked for truth that I was shown.

-Zachary Hill 2012(C)

The Return of an Old Friend

An "old friend" that I had given to a loved one in Illinois in late 2010 found it's way back to me in the mail today. Those of you who know me know that I had a thing for bandanas for the past few years. I started by buying a black one to keep my new(at that time)long hair out of my face while driving west for the first time ever in 2008. New adventures, new hairstyles, new clothing accessories. This bandana was the second one I ever purchased and out of a total of about 12 bandanas in 4 years, this was and still is my favorite of all. I purchased it in Sturgis, SD in 2008 at a gas station.

When I was preparing to move out of Illinois in late 2010 my ex-girlfriend at that time and I were having a difficult time saying goodbye and I gave her this bandana as a farewell present and something to remember me by.

In 2009 when a friend of mine and I were driving through South Dakota heading back to Illinois I had him stop at the same gas station in Sturgis to see if I could find another one that wasn't weathered, I had no such luck. A few hours later that night my friend and I stopped for gas in South Dakota and met a girl while I was wearing this bandana. She was moving from Wisconsin after 10 years of longing to move to the west and we were the first people she met. She had this exact same design on the back of her car windshield on a sticker, we had many other things in common as well. She later told me in 2011 shortly after I fell in love with her that this bandana's symbol had been a sign to her that night in South Dakota 2009 that she was doing the right thing and she felt comforted by it, that everything would be okay. Fast forward 2 years and she was there at the beginning of my journeys moving from the mid-west to the west and in both cases, we ended up living in bordering states.

Both of these people who have changed my life for the better through some of the best and worst times I've ever had, have both come and gone. While the first one who mailed me this bandana today had a hard time moving forward from the experience we shared, I had the same hard time moving forward from the experience I shared with the Wisconsin girl.

The other night I wrote the previous entry "The Dance is Over" and with that came a clearing of energy on all accounts. I was finally ready to start stepping into the new skin and yet again follow the Universe's lead. Included in that package of things I was ready to move forward with was letting go of the last remains of the experience with the Arizona girl as some of you know her as, formerly Wisconsin. The dreamcatcher and animal skull had a Native American feeling and it's a theme that has reoccurred and shown up in my life time and time again in the past few years.

On four occasions my favorite bandana has been a symbol of so much and somehow it has been the gift that keeps on giving.

1. It was my symbol of breaking free on my first adventure alone in the west, I bought it at the "Gateway of the West" in South Dakota.

2. It was the trigger of comfort for a solo female traveler that 2 years later I shared soul intimacies with.

3. It was the "farewell" and thank you token given to another loved one.

4. It returned to me today and with it the gift of revelation came. Yesterdays chapter of self discovery is over, it's another sign of growing up and moving into the new.

With it, came a letter...

"Zac,

I don't need this anymore. Thanks for what we had. I won't forget it."

As I hold the bandana now I'm kind of excited that it returned to me, I always kind've secretly wished I didn't give it away but I always remembered why I had. In that moment I came to realize that the words of the letter were just as true for me about the Wisconsin girl I met on that night in South Dakota 2009 and yet again in Arizona 2011 as the words of the letter were true for the person back in Illinois who sent it to me.

It's still my favorite bandana not only for it's looks and badass design but because of the wonderful memories I had at different times in my life and such as the case with anything truly important in life, the memories are both of the highest pleasures and the deepest pains.

I won't be keeping the bandana though because I too, don't need it anymore nor will I forget it.

I LIVED.
I LOVED.
I LOST.

...and I'm ready to do it again!!!

Life goes on. =:)


-Zachary Hill (C) 2012

(Photo Taken: Texas/Mexico border during

"West Coast Journey 2008")

The Dance is Over

It's amazing how abandoned and abused we can feel when we step on the path of light. In some ways it may seem like the darkness has such a grip that stepping out of it is an act of defiance that can only be compared to one person standing up to a tyranistic government fully equipped with machine guns and missiles, while you stand there with a stick and pocket knife. As the darkness of the ego dies, the light of the higher self is birthed and it's in those moments where time seems to freeze, you look back into your past with all it's regrets, mistakes, betrayals, victories, losses, suffering, redemption and then you look to your future praying and hoping that you will not repeat the same mistakes of the past, you will not be abandoned, betrayed or devastated as you once were but the only thing you know for sure is what lies ahead of you at this very moment, the present. The past is gone though it shows us just how far we've come and we can learn from it. The future gives us direction to move forward and blaze a new trail that no other has done so yet, in our own skin and our own way. It's the present though that is the gift where the past has been done and the future is still to be done. Somewhere inbetween our logic and intuitions quarrels with one another consciousness sneaks in again and says: "Remember before you are many choices but ultimately they will lead down one of only two paths. There is no room for riding the fence, each moment of each day you are to choose between doing what is right and doing what is evil. If you seek good it shall come through intuition, love, grace, truth and suffering. If you seek evil it shall come through ego, lust, trickery, deception and suffering. You will suffer either way, it is the key to growth in the light and it is the result of acting in the dark. Some of us are born in a loving and nurturing environment, others are born in negative and empty environments. Will you turn the other cheek or seek revenge? Will you live today for tomorrow or will you remain stuck in yesterday? No one is perfect nor are you supposed to be, will you transform your hardships and pain? Or will you feed them and let them reign? Remember, intention is only one side of the coin of balance, the other is action. Many people intend to walk in the light yet still serve the dark because they don't face evils most powerful weapon, fear. You may not always be ready to take fear head on but do not judge yourself, if you hold your intention and prepare your strike against fear, you will overcome. One of the biggest fears people have is for them a sad truth. Darkness does have the ability to physically take your life, it also has the power to influence others in your life through fear which can eventually lead to possession. The one thing is does not have the ability to do is take your power away once you realize your own power and you hold it in the light. It's all about holding and expanding your light into all dark corners. The thought that you have control is a deceptive seduction by the dark energy, the reality is you have CHOICE, but not control. Serve as a free soul in the light, or serve as a slave under the illusion of freedom in the dark. Either way you will serve. Most people will dance with the devil a few times in their life before they even learn how to dance. You will be tested, count on it and there will be times you may feel alone, lost, beaten down, abandoned, used and abused and you may yet again dance with the devil even after vowing to not do so anymore and you will continue in this cycle until you move back into the light and call it in to help you. Eventually, the devil will have his arms around you, pushing you to choose. At this moment you will realize that you didn't submit to him by choice because if you had he wouldn't have to hold you as tightly. He will look you in the eye and his gaze will reflect everything you fear, every lustful desire you have, every bit of temptation to take revenge, he will pull your weaknesses to see if he can get you to rage, he will promise you the most "wonderful" seductions that your darkest fantasies can dream of. Now, the moment of decision is upon you and you must remember you don't have control but you have the choice of free will. As he stares you dead in the eyes you may feel your deepest fear come to life as a choice needs to be made, it's in this very moment where the energy will shift and your allegiance will be sworn. If you want your power you must look him in the eyes and have faith that you will be guided out of his grasp but you must own your power! Speak to him and say "ENOUGH! You DO NOT own ME!!..and I DO NOT serve you!". Otherwise, submit in fear and you are his. Will you stand alone as a unique individual with the stick and pocket knife, knowing you may not survive but KNOWING you are FREE?..or will you put on the uniform of the underworld, ready your machine gun, load the missiles and attack the stick man knowing in your heart that you are not free?

At this time in your consciousness it doesn't matter what energy you served in the past before the moment of conscious decision, but it shall be known that after you have reached this point, there is no return. So, what's it gonna be?.."

I'd rather live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep. I've been close to this moment before but today I looked the devil in the eyes and faced his demons that have been in me for so long and though scared, I spoke with conviction and my voice did not tremble: "You do not own me, you do not control me, I HAVE MY POWER!!!..and I'm taking my freedom!"

The devil then spoke to me: "You'll be back! I'll be waiting for you around every corner, every step of the way! I will NEVER let go!!!"

I stared into the blackness of his eyes as I listened to his evil words, there I stood tall in my conviction while the light began to yet again make it's presence known to me as I became surrounded by angels. I slowly backed off the dance floor surrounded by the light as the room darkened around him, he dare not step into the graces of the light. Before turning and walking out the door I looked him in the eyes one last time:

"....I already let go."

The dance is over.

-Zachary Hill (C) 2012

The Empath Soul

The empath soul feel's a mother to fatherless children weep and he wants to fill the void by being the loving husband and father.

The empath soul feel's a homeless man sleeping on a park bench and he wants to give him a warm bed and safe home to sleep in.

The empath soul feels the pain of a starving person in a third world country and wants to bring them to the "advanced world" to give them a choice of food beyond their wildest imaginations.

The empath soul feels a little boys pain who has been molested by a sick parent and wants to be a loving and healthy parent for that boy.

The empath soul feels a girl in her late 20s that has difficulty with intimacy because she has been raped and physically abused 10 years prior and he wants to make love to her to let her know that it isn't meant to be that way.

The empath soul feels the pain of a 70 year old who looks back on their life with regret realizing that death is near while they confess to the things they wish they would've done and he assures them it isn't too late, they're not dead yet!

The empath soul feels the soldiers pain and fear as he leaves everything he loves to risk his life and the life of his "enemy" for a cause he finds worthy. The empath wants to take the guns of both him and his "enemy" and show them that they're not so different.

The empath soul feels the remorse of the man who just killed someone else in a fit of rage, while he doesn't have the power to bring anyone back he wishes he could take this persons rage and transform it.

The empath soul feels the spiritual disconnection and avarice in the heart of greedy people who have given over to the dark side and he wants to take their external power and materials and dispose of them so they can experience the humbling required to let the light shine in.

The empath soul feels the highest pleasures and pains of all the people in the world. The financially wealthy whose soul cries out for more love and less possessions. The obese person that wishes they could stop over eating. The poor person that wishes they had something to eat. The anorexic person that is afraid to eat. The alcoholic that wishes they could stop drinking. The drug addict that can't seem to kick their habit. The boy or girl that don't believe they are beautiful or good enough. The man or woman that don't believe they are beautiful or good enough. The father who has lost a child. The child who has lost a mother. The suicidal person who can't seem to find a reason to go on. The homicidal person who can't seem to find a reason to let someone else go on. The person who fears God and blindly believes without question. The person who doesn't believe in God because they're too afraid to let go of control. The narcissist that cannot allow themselves to be vulnerable.

The empath soul feels everyone. The empath soul is aware that suffering is needed for growth but feels it none the less. He tunes out his empathy whenever he can just to keep his sanity and energy aligned.

The empath soul feels for everyone including himself and while he wishes blessings and love for everyone he realizes that isn't the reality. At the end of the day, he looks at himself in the mirror and against his own desires forces himself to accept that he cannot save the world nor can he really change it, but at the same time he realizes there's nothing more important and inevitable than change.

He looks into his own eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales. With the exhale and his eyes locked on themselves in the mirror he realizes the truth. He may or may not be able to help all these people he feels and he knows some he will be able to help and others he won't. He then realizes that if he doesn't have empathy for the soul that stares back at him in the mirror he wont ever be able to be the healing powers of love.

So, he sheds a tear and takes another deep breath, realizing that he will have to tune out the needs of the world so he can see what it is HE needs. He listens to his empathetic heart and with his mind he contemplates and this is what he feels empathy tell his soul..

"You may be wondering why I have come to you and made you FEEL my power."

The man replies "YES! Sometimes its wonderful and other times its pure pain I can hardly stand it!!! Please TELL ME!" the man objectively listens with a bit of excitement and fear as to what the response will be.

Empathy then responds by giving him something that only his heart can know and decide, but also something that his mind can calculate and entertain after his heart has made its decision. "We are all here to find ourselves in each other, it doesn't matter if it is human, animal or plant life and while pain is inevitable and the world is far from perfect it is only love, compassion, truth, understanding and forgiveness that will dissolve hate, resentment, deception, judgement and being unforgiven. Without empathy you cannot FEEL any of the positive emotions to combat the negative ones. I am a tool and you'll just have to learn how to finely tune me and put me to work efficiently. I can be your best friend or worst enemy, the choice is yours."

The empath soul feels the energy of empathy towards himself to have a better understanding and then makes a bold statement. "But I'm scared! What if all I can ever do is keep feeling people's pain and not be able to help them heal?"

"You can only help them to the extent that they want help but you must want it for yourself first. Even a day as an empath soul who can't quite seem to find balance is better than a lifetime of being numb, without feeling life would be meaningless." Empathy replied.

"Better to live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep?..I think I get it now. Find what it is in me that makes me feel so deeply in relation to others pleasures and pains and therein lies the answer to my purpose?" the man inquires.

"You've already discovered it, you just haven't fully owned it yet. You're a healer, a teacher, a friend..you're the loving husband and father of the single mother with a child, you're the wealthy man with the mansion who helps give the homeless a warm and safe place to sleep, you're the lover who brings intimacy by making love to the woman who has been raped, you're the person who is there to tell the elderly it isn't too late to live! You're ALL of these things and ALL of these people whenever you need to be. You feel empathically at a heightened level not only so you can help heal everyone else but also so YOU can heal YOURSELF!" Empathy stated boldly.

"Stop looking and start seeing. The power is within me. Do what makes me come to life and be the inspiration for those around me. I believe I've got it! Now, I just need some courage and strength to rise again to the occasion!" the man suggested.

"I am empathy not courage and strength so therefore I can only offer what I am, but I'll give you a hint on how to find them. You'll have to look in a special place..a very powerful place where I also come from, a place that holds such a power it is the only place where everything starts and everything ends."

The man continues to face empathy in his own reflection with a sense of suspense and stars in his eyes, eagerly awaiting empathies response: "Where must I look?? Where is this hidden power???"

"You. Everything you need lies within you."

I am the empath soul.

-Zachary Hill (C) 2012

Life As A Flashlight

by: Zachary Hill

"Life is a flashlight.

God is the flashlight.

The truth is what we can't see without the flashlight.

Our angels and guides are the wind that sometimes blows the flashlight out of our hand so it falls and the switch gets hit into the "ON" position, as it just so happens the light falls and shines exactly where it needs to every time.

The batteries are energy. The planet is the rechargeable batteries since it is always renewing and reviving. Our soul and spirit is the non-rechargeable batteries since sometimes when our energy runs out, it's time for a fresh change.

The string that wraps around our wrist to provide us with extra ability to not lose the flashlight is our intuition because it encourages us to protect the flashlight by securing it to our wrist, which also reminds us that the flashlight is always available for our use, it never leaves us.

The "ON/OFF" switch is our logic, intellect and intelligence. It is submissive to us pushing the button and it's only job is that it knows how to carry out the function of what the flashlight carrier has done by pressing the switch.

We now know what a flashlight provides for us, what it's purpose is and how easy it is to use. So I leave you with one question...

"Are you going to turn your flashlight on?"

-On The Backroads (C) 2012

Dream Resurfacing: 15 Years Later

(NOTE: The photo's of the environment/place are the ACTUAL places that they took place in both of these dreams. I borrowed them via Google Street Views. The vehicle pictures are the closest I could find to what they looked like in the dream. I own none of the rights to these photos, nor do I claim to own them, they are not mine.)






1990's DREAM:

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was at the doctors office being diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Last night I had a dream where I was shot. The interesting thing, this dream where I was shot is very similar to a dream I had when I was young that I never forgot.

The dream when I was young was the first time I felt a physical pain manifest from an occurence of a dream. In that dream I had been standing on a street corner in the town I grew up in while walking a dog(wasn't mine in "real life", I never owned a dog). While I was walking a dog a 1980's box style car slowed down and fired off numerous rounds from a gun which hit both me and my dog(I was shot in the head and I remember how badly my head burned in real life when I woke up), as we both fell to the ground the 80's car took off while both my dog and I laid in a pool of our own blood looking at each other as we bled to death, I then woke up. Upon awakening I noticed my body had physical pain in the spots where I had been shot in the dream. This dream took place probably sometime around the ages of 9-12, I'm not entirely sure but I still lived in my childhood home at that time. I was about 12 years old in this dream and the car was only about 10 years old at that time.









2012 DREAM:

Fast forward some 10-15 years later and I have not the same dream, but a very similar one. The dream I had last night took place exactly 1 block down the side street from the corner on the next street down, which was the street corner I was shot in the dream years ago(you can actually clearly see both street corners from one another). This time I was around my actual age now which is 25(just like the last dream, I was around my actual age). This time I wasn't walking a dog but rather I was talking to a police officer in a late 2000's model Ford Explorer SUV which would suggest this dream is taking place in current times. The police officer wasn't harassing me but rather we almost seemed to know each other and were just catching up on a few things, I have no idea why I was out walking or why this dream took place on the opposite end of the street I spent my childhood growing up on. Before I knew it a 1996 Chevy Impala(white in color) was driving past the police officer and I and then the scene sped up. The cop(European-American) was then out of the SUV shouting something at me while the driver of the Chevy Impala(African-American)gunned down the police officer. It wasn't until I looked at the 24 inch ghetto cruiser rims on the car that I started to freak out and while he had dark sunglasses on I knew he was looking at me to which he fired off a shot which hit me in my right shoulder(I instantly felt the pain manifest in my physical body *in real life*)and spun me around where I proceeded to run down the street in the direction of my childhood home(though I wasn't attempting to get home nor was it on my mind, it just happened to be that direction). The car sped off down the cross street and I ran down a walkway of one of my childhood friends homes only I knew he didn't live there in this dream and I didn't know who lived there. I stopped at the end of the driveway bleeding badly from my arm where I was freaking out and wondering if the police officer was still alive and if I should go check on him but I knew it wasn't safe to go back out on the street. I then pulled my cell phone out of my pocket(the same one I have right now in real life)and proceeded to call 911 to which I had no answer the first few times(no ring tone either). Then, I dialed 911 one final time only to have a recent real life acquaintance I met in North Dakota in November answer the phone and ask me what was up and how I was doing. I remember thinking "how the fuck did 911 go to his phone?" I hung the phone up while trying to catch my breath standing there bleeding and then the dream ended. When I came to and woke up I remember being a bit agitated knowing that while this dream was happening it wasn't real and even remembering when I was shot in the dream I said "damnit, not this again! This is really fucking annoying! Now I'll have the physical pain to deal with when I wake up after this dream".

I've always been fascinated by dreams and while I did read some interpretations on both this one and the testicular cancer dream, I still look intuitively for symbolism. For example, the fact that I didn't know if the police officer was dead or not and that it didn't stick with me when I woke up suggested that while the police officer was important during the beginning of the dream, it wasn't important to know if he lived or not. However, what keeps sticking with me now is the white 1996 Chevy Impala with 24 inch ghetto rims with the African American male in dark sunglasses...why does that stick with me? I don't have any issues with or fear of gangster types, I grew up hanging out with some gang bangers and it was part of my daily life back then(and even partially in some of the places I've lived in over the last year, though not as direct and personal like it was as a child). I knew most of the gang symbols, graffiti tags and most of my Hispanic friends either had older brothers that were Latin Kings or they themselves became Latin Kings when we became teenagers, didn't change our friendships one bit, hell my neighbors who were friendly people that offered to cut our grass were Latin Kings that would have rival gangs shooting through there front window of the house while my mother slept in her bedroom with her head 10 feet away from the neighbors front porch. I empathize with the gang element and I tend to not like cops very much as a whole, in this dream I was indifferent to both. Just strikes me as very interesting. I felt no genuine fear in my waking state while the dream was happening this time either, whereas the one I had that was similar in the 1990's, I was very afraid.

Thoughts and comments welcomed!

-Zachary Hill 2012(C)