An "old friend" that I had given to a loved one in Illinois in late 2010 found it's way back to me in the mail today. Those of you who know me know that I had a thing for bandanas for the past few years. I started by buying a black one to keep my new(at that time)long hair out of my face while driving west for the first time ever in 2008. New adventures, new hairstyles, new clothing accessories. This bandana was the second one I ever purchased and out of a total of about 12 bandanas in 4 years, this was and still is my favorite of all. I purchased it in Sturgis, SD in 2008 at a gas station.
When I was preparing to move out of Illinois in late 2010 my ex-girlfriend at that time and I were having a difficult time saying goodbye and I gave her this bandana as a farewell present and something to remember me by.
In 2009 when a friend of mine and I were driving through South Dakota heading back to Illinois I had him stop at the same gas station in Sturgis to see if I could find another one that wasn't weathered, I had no such luck. A few hours later that night my friend and I stopped for gas in South Dakota and met a girl while I was wearing this bandana. She was moving from Wisconsin after 10 years of longing to move to the west and we were the first people she met. She had this exact same design on the back of her car windshield on a sticker, we had many other things in common as well. She later told me in 2011 shortly after I fell in love with her that this bandana's symbol had been a sign to her that night in South Dakota 2009 that she was doing the right thing and she felt comforted by it, that everything would be okay. Fast forward 2 years and she was there at the beginning of my journeys moving from the mid-west to the west and in both cases, we ended up living in bordering states.
Both of these people who have changed my life for the better through some of the best and worst times I've ever had, have both come and gone. While the first one who mailed me this bandana today had a hard time moving forward from the experience we shared, I had the same hard time moving forward from the experience I shared with the Wisconsin girl.
The other night I wrote the previous entry "The Dance is Over" and with that came a clearing of energy on all accounts. I was finally ready to start stepping into the new skin and yet again follow the Universe's lead. Included in that package of things I was ready to move forward with was letting go of the last remains of the experience with the Arizona girl as some of you know her as, formerly Wisconsin. The dreamcatcher and animal skull had a Native American feeling and it's a theme that has reoccurred and shown up in my life time and time again in the past few years.
On four occasions my favorite bandana has been a symbol of so much and somehow it has been the gift that keeps on giving.
1. It was my symbol of breaking free on my first adventure alone in the west, I bought it at the "Gateway of the West" in South Dakota.
2. It was the trigger of comfort for a solo female traveler that 2 years later I shared soul intimacies with.
3. It was the "farewell" and thank you token given to another loved one.
4. It returned to me today and with it the gift of revelation came. Yesterdays chapter of self discovery is over, it's another sign of growing up and moving into the new.
With it, came a letter...
"Zac,
I don't need this anymore. Thanks for what we had. I won't forget it."
As I hold the bandana now I'm kind of excited that it returned to me, I always kind've secretly wished I didn't give it away but I always remembered why I had. In that moment I came to realize that the words of the letter were just as true for me about the Wisconsin girl I met on that night in South Dakota 2009 and yet again in Arizona 2011 as the words of the letter were true for the person back in Illinois who sent it to me.
It's still my favorite bandana not only for it's looks and badass design but because of the wonderful memories I had at different times in my life and such as the case with anything truly important in life, the memories are both of the highest pleasures and the deepest pains.
I won't be keeping the bandana though because I too, don't need it anymore nor will I forget it.
I LIVED.
I LOVED.
I LOST.
...and I'm ready to do it again!!!
Life goes on. =:)
-Zachary Hill (C) 2012
"West Coast Journey 2008")
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