(Re)Born in (New) Bethlehem

The story of the Bible states the following:

"Two accounts in the New Testament describe Jesus as being born in Bethlehem. According to the Gospel of Luke, Jesus' parents lived in Nazareth and traveled for the Census of Quirinius to Bethlehem, where Jesus was born, after which they returned home."

So, a cool dude who owned his own power and knew himself quite well and stood in his integrity regardless of what others thought was born in the little town of Bethlehem?

Today my friend Angela posted something on Facebook regarding my current location: New Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

"New Bethlehem? Really? Of course! =)"

This instantly brought to my mind the popular story of Jesus being born, which in my case, is quite symbolic. The birthplace of a famous deity? The (re)birth place for me as I prepare to put on the shoes that have been waiting for me for 25 years. I would say Angela is right, this is OF the COURSE!

Week 1 & 2: COLORADO: City Life, Country Life

A month ago today I packed my belongings into 3 bags, turned in the keys to my semi truck and got on a plane from Seattle to Denver, where I stayed for the next 2 weeks. While in Denver, I finally came to peace with the fact that I am no longer a city boy, and not only am I no longer a city boy, I am in fact a COUNTRY BOY! I don't hold deep hatred for the city like I did in 2010, I don't feel the need to "give it another try" like I did in 2011, I just am flat out done with US cities outside of using them for hubs of transportation or to visit loved ones. Denver is one of the better cities in America, and yet I still couldn't relax with all the people and energy there. This plays into the theme of my coming full circle on many issues, it's a part of me reaching my true place within. Noise, pollution, lots of people, cement and chaos does not mix with my energy or my path anymore. I also had a chance to spend time with friends and do some outdoor recreation all around the state of Colorado which was WONDERFUL! I made peace with the fact that I'm a country boy and the city was a chapter of contrast that made me appreciate the home I've now found in the rural areas.

Week 3: ILLINOIS: Back to Berwyn, the Broken Home:


After realizing that my situation in Denver wasn't going to work, I instantly felt compelled to spend a week in Illinois visiting my grandparents in Wonder Lake, which was a blessing!!(one that I've been manifesting since June)In the past I held a lot of hatred and resentment towards Illinois but during this visit, I found nothing but enjoyment in the beautiful nature around Wonder Lake. While it would never be home again, it wasn't the hell it once seemed to be. I knew my next stop would be PA, so my grandfather and I headed to my childhood home of Berwyn the night before so I could get to the Greyhound station at a reasonable time. In addition to having my favorite pizza in the world, I noticed a huge shift in returning home. I never really felt peace or came to terms with where I grew up, until this trip. The water in the faucet tasted the same, the shower that I spent every night singing, crying and purging my emotions was no different than it was 10 years ago, the house was built in 1902 and has been in a state of collapse since I left. I use to listen to the Papa Roach song "Broken Home" thinking about my childhood in that home growing up without my vision of a family unit, how I found ways to create a sense of family(see: Pennsylvania)for myself as I became older and what it took to realize that at 25 years of age the home was still broken. I stood in my old bedroom, I took a shower, I walked the grounds and drove around the old neighborhood but it wasn't until I stood in front of the house and looked at it that I realized what was most important. The home was falling apart, the floors crooked, the roof collapsing and paint peeling. Once it's floors were straight, it's roof sturdy and the paint shiny and fresh. My childhood there was a time when the house was strong and I was broken. Over 10 years later the house is now broken and I am the strong one. Not only am I strong, I am at peace and have a deep gratitude for growing up there, I left when I was 16. I made peace with the beauty that came from living there in my childhood, I made peace with where I grew up and I am released of the suffering associated within the walls of the house that I once called home. 

Nickelback has a song called "Photograph" where the singer sings about returning to his childhood home and hometown for reflection. As for my childhood in Berwyn Illinois? The chorus of the song sums it up best...

"Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say it, time to say it, Goodbye, goodbye.."

 WEEK 4 & BEYOND: PENNSYLVANIA: 10 Years in 10 Days/New Bethlehem Rebirth:


2001 to 2004: My friend Trish and I have known each other for over 10 years. Me in Chicago and her in Pittsburgh. We met in a chatroom back when 56k dial up internet was the latest thing and we developed a close friendship instantly. Spending countless nights online as teenagers listening to the likes of our depressing teenage music, me with whiny crybaby KoRn lost in my sadness and depression, her with the bloodchilling screams of Slipknot to fuel her rage. She had asshole boyfriends, I had crazy girlfriends and we both were whiny, emo, Generation Y crystal children that were highly psychic(unbeknownst to us at the time)living in the dark times that were the late 90's/early 00's. We talked every night online and were involved in one another's lives for everything from breakups, school problems and family members passing. Ever tried being an intuitive teenager that feels energy intensely in this fucked up country? We did, we lived it AND we were a great team!

2008 to Now: We had a few years of silence, but not due to bad blood, I moved, my mom remarried and with life getting busy for me, we lost touch, until 2008. I decided to send her a MySpace message out of the blue and surely enough we picked up right where we left off, with a few notable differences..
I was the depressed sad one when we were teens, now she was. She was the angry raging one as teens, now I was. My KoRn became Disturbed and her Slipknot became new Staind, wow...
As the years went by we continued to talk online and more so on the phone, we went through new struggles and challenges and continued to get one another to laugh through all the insanity. I could be in my darkest moments and somehow talking to Trish is always like an injection of humor. We share the same sense of cruel and crude humor that never gets old, but always gets most people looking at us like were nuts!

It seemed natural that my intuition would lead me to the east after leaving Illinois. Last year when my mobile home life became broken, I went from Denver to Chicago to Pennsylvania, this year it was the same story as last, but different circumstances. When Trish, her mother and her boyfriend(Rodger)asked me on the phone when I was going to visit again, I took it as a sign to head out there this September to end my summer as autumn begins.


See, Trish is my teenage childhood experience, so the natural progression after coming to terms with young childhood is to come to terms with the next step, and that is part of the karma I feel that drew me out here this year. We didn't grow up in the same neighborhood or even the same state for that matter, yet we both came from shithole cities, we both ended up living in the country, we both went through unique experiences that shared similarity yet major difference and we've both remained friends through everything, AND she's one of the few people I've never had conflict with, ever.

Sounds like a recipe for a great relationship eh? And it is, and that's what we have. In her rage, I was the only person never mistreated and later in my rage, she was the same. I realized while out here why our relationship never went to the next step, and while I never lost any sleep over it, I always wondered and I could never logically understand it, which my analytical mind always wanted to know. I always loved and adored her, cherished our connection and we both feel each other intuitively, even across the country when one of us is sick, hurting or going through good times. We read each others minds constantly and the list continues...

It hit me like a brick last night, she's the sister in my soul family. Last night was the FIRST time we stayed up late talking IN PERSON after a decade behind a computer screen or over the phone, but coming here to the wonderful land energy of western PA and out here at her country home in NEW Bethlehem it all made sense, I needed to come to PA to finalize the teenage years and early 20's part of my life. I look at her face to face and see so much of myself and my own past that I realized in many ways, we are mirrors to one another and bookends on many of life's karmic issues. She FINALLY has a boyfriend that I respect, genuinely like and trust for her well being right now and for the foreseeable future, a low maintenance home in the beautiful country rolling hills of the mid-Atlantic region and most of all I can feel her contentment and peace, and now that I have my own(unlike when I visited last year), I can SEE it and know it in my heart.

It's uncertain when exactly I'm leaving to return West from here, but I now recognize this powerful rebirth process that started early last year, I just needed to go through a bunch of shit so I could get to this point. I am finally ready to wear the shoes that were made for me, to be reborn into my higher self and to take responsibility for the life I have been chosen to walk. In addition to seeing Trish, coming to Pennsylvania has brought me to peace with the east. I really love it here and I can have the best of all worlds as a traveler.

I am reborn of gratitude, love and appreciation, that recognizing the suffering transformed me and molded me and that I was never alone, that God provided in the form of family, friends, nature, travel and new experiences.


I am enrolling in online entrepreneur endeavors that I am excited about, the possibility of working the ski resorts this winter but most of all, just seeing where life takes me next. I have never felt this calm, cool and collected in my life, it's truly a first. Chris Daughtry's song "September" sums up exactly what I'm experiencing. He say's it's about looking back at childhood and how things change, finding gratitude for the experiences and realizing that you either keep moving forward or backward...

I'm ready, and moving forward.

"Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain.

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end."

-Zachary Hill 2012(C)