Not A Traveler: It's Just Who I Am

 (Photo: Me at Big Bear Lake during dusk((2011))

Wow, it's been a while! I'M BACK! Lately I've been an Insomni-ZAC ;)

I haven't written anything in nearly 2 months. It feels so foreign, but it's good to be back at the keyboard.

Exhaustion brought on by severe frustration has been the theme these past few months, especially the month of May. It's been a struggle to stay grounded, optimistic and moving in the direction of my dreams. That's exactly what this long overdue writing is about, dreams.

As a child I would dream of a better world, a world where everybody lived their authentic purpose and followed their bliss. I wasn't aware of how to put that into words, but I knew the feeling quite well. I spent a large portion of my childhood and teenage years living in a closet, inside societal guidelines and suffocating my spirit. These things still happen to this day, though not as frequent.

I have struggled to accept my place in the wheel of the world from time to time, I often find this planet full of insanities demonstrated by the human race and I've come to realize that most people are just flowing with the path that has already been laid before them. While that has never been my style, I've found much internal conflict over being authentic and doing what I want in a world that intentionally aims to stifle that very freeing birth-purpose.

Take my travels for instance. The three most commonly asked questions I receive about my travels are..

1. What is your favorite place?

2. How do you afford it?

3. When/where do you think you will settle down when the wanderlust and travel bug wears off?

The first two are very good questions. Financial funding for travel is a reality in our current system and since I travel a lot it's likely I have a favorite location, but the third question is where I get lost and often, where I lose other people. However, the first two questions can explain why I raise an eyebrow at the third. It's obvious that this "wanderlust" is actually wanderlove. This isn't a passing fad, it isn't something that I'm "doing during my college years" or anything like that, this IS my life.

When I answer question #3 with the truth, the next question is usually one of the following..

1. "BUT IF you had to settle down somewhere, where would it be?"

2. "What are you going to do when/if you fall in love with a girl?"

3. "What about children, when/if you have them, would you stop traveling?"

 I generally enjoy being asked these questions as much as I enjoy answering them because I enjoy asking/answering hypothetical questions, especially if they're possible things that I/the other person may face someday, but I can't help but feel like most people don't understand why I love to travel so much, and it's usually because they themselves, are not travelers. But, neither am I.

There came a point sometime within the last year where I realized that all of this wandering and traveling was no longer something I enjoyed to do, but it was my lifeblood. It led me to every blissful high and painful low I have experienced in my 20's and it's easily the best decision I ever made.

The dictionary defines the word "Traveler" as: "a person or thing that travels."

That is true about my lifestyle, I DO travel. However, to me travel implies something that the average homebody settler does on their 1 week vacation to Disney World, or a posh sea cruise.

I am more so a vagabond, nomad, drifter, but most importantly, I AM ME. 

So, I tend to answer the 3 infamous follow up questions as follows..

1. IF I had to settle down? That would imply that I don't have a choice in my lifestyle. While it is true that the world is in a dark spell right now and funds are challenging to come by to keep traveling, I continue to look for cheaper and more freeing ways to live my life, whether I'm currently on the road or settling down in one location for a few months. This is a work in progress, but continues to improve over the last 5 years. I don't ever HAVE to settle down, and when you love doing something, why would you do the complete opposite?

2. If or when I fall in love with a girl? I've already had to face this reality on two separate occasions. The first time, I gave up my traveling for over a year(we did local trips in the midwest, not my favorite place though)and despite losing a best friend as the end result of the relationship, I was absolutely miserable staying put, so much so that when I returned to the road and the places I loved(along with new places I fell in love with!), it was magic all over again.  The second occasion I fell really hard, this time for a fellow traveler, only at the last minute she decided to become a settler. When she decided to settle, I was never asked to stay and quite frankly? I would've been miserable within weeks had I decided to settle that time too. So, what I learned is NEVER settle for less than you deserve or less than you want, especially in regards to family relationships and a life partner. A girl that vagabonds and loves the freedom of the lifestyle I've been called to, is an absolute MUST and I'd expect her to follow her path too, otherwise I'll end up back in the previous two situations where I was miserable or my partner was unwilling to go with flow of their own path.

3.Children. Another great question. To have or not to have? Truth is, I really have no intention of having children but I'm not entirely against the idea, I'd like to wait at least another decade or so IF I were to have them, but I figure I'll leave this one up to the Universe. However, having children wouldn't stop me from following my path, why should it? Children raised in a simple and loving environment often(if not almost always)have a better blessing than those raised in the suburban 9-5 grind lifestyle. What better gift to give your children than diversity of the worlds nature, culture and lifestyles? I would do whatever it took to keep the life I have, with OR without children. The one exception would be if my children asked me if we could stay in one place, which then again would still be temporary, nothing has to be permanent.  I'd want to give my children what they want, but also a taste of what opened my mind and heart, and while I have learned a lot of the negative realities by growing up in poverty in the system, I wouldn't intentionally expose my kids to that. How cool would it be to say to your children when they're young enough to live free but old enough to appreciate life "Hey kid(s), mom and dad have been just about everywhere, where do YOU want to go?? Pick a place, and we'll go/move there!!" I love it.

Our culture and society in America(and in many areas of the world)discourages freedom and unleashing your spirits presence within civilization. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being a settler(though I used to loathe it), because I have learned from some of my friends and strangers alike that there is a place for them too, and that you can be truly happy living in one location, just like some people are happy always being on the move!

Our culture suggests that settling equals stability, but it's simply not true. Living your purpose equals stability within your soul! For some that means finding one place to call home and paying your dues of service within the hours of nine to five, or three to eleven, etc. For others that means taking to the road all over the globe and turning up rocks that others dare not to turn up, to be like a spider and weave a web from one location to another, connecting every little nook and cranny of the world together and sharing stories/healing all along the way.

I fear for many people that they will get lost along their path and fall into the systems conformist machine that produces little pink houses that all look the same, with children that are all identical not because they were born that way, but because they were made that way. It's becoming more and more clear to me that I was born to travel because it paints a contrast to the city life I had during my childhood and the suburban life I had during my teenage years. I can inspire and heal, not only others but myself as well through my travels and through living my music.

I am an artist, a vagabond, a lover, a son, a writer, a photographer, a singer, a performer, a free spirit, a lost mess of a soul finding my way.

I'm doing my best to answer the call.

But I'm not a traveler, this is my life and this is the life that was chosen for me by something larger than myself.

I'd rather live free through discovering my purpose and serving it than walk the path most commonly traveled.

I am liberating my soul each and every day, and I can't go back the way I came. This is my life, this is what I'm made for and this is who I am.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

-Zachary Hill 2012(C)